Wanna be friends? Click here to get Your Ideal Mom Life posts delivered straight to your inbox!
I pride myself on being really good at creating to-do lists. I would go so far as to say I’m a master, if I may be so bold. (Side note: creating an effective to-do list is something I explain in detail during The Mom Life Challenge. If you haven’t checked that out yet, click HERE already!)
The last six months, however, have been enlightening, to say the least. Thanks to the pandemic, my plate went from crowded and piled high to having room for another entree. As time passed and more and more activities went virtual or were cancelled altogether, I started experiencing something profound.
Margin.
Extra time. Time to sleep. To journal daily and read for pleasure. To go on morning walks and afternoon bike rides with my kiddos and hubby. Time to write and to cook. To meditate. To intentionally pray.
And now that my county is entering phase 2 of reopening, opportunities to add things back to my plate will undoubtedly present themselves. Which got me thinking . . . now is the perfect time to create a list of things to stop doing—or as I like to call it, a “to-don’t” list.
I won’t claim that there’s a right or a wrong way to make one, but I will suggest a few focusing questions you can ask yourself as you’re evaluating what to keep on and what to scrape off your plate.
Question 1): Was this activity serving me (has my life been less rich or joyful without it)?
It might seem obvious, but it’s worth saying out loud: continuing to do things that don’t serve you is like flooring the gas pedal while slamming on the brakes. It’s not getting you anywhere! If you’re realizing now that an activity you were doing before was sucking the life out of you (at worst) or simply not adding to your life (at best), stop doing it!
Or you can think about it this way: if you found yourself wishing that this activity might go virtual or be straight-up cancelled because of the pandemic, it probably (read: definitely) belongs on your to-don’t list. Even certain networking or accountability groups might rightfully find themselves on your to-don’t list. After all, you are the five people you hang around the most. Make sure they’re adding to your life.
If, on the flip side, you truly miss the activity, congrats on having discovered, in no uncertain terms, that it should remain in your life. I feel this way about tennis. Because of the pandemic, the tennis club I’m a part of decided not to participate in the local league this season. That means no practices, no matches and no private lessons. And while that also means I’m saving time (and money), I miss it. A lot. I can’t wait until I can add it back onto my plate.
One thing I haven’t missed? Working out at a gym. I almost feel blasphemous saying that (not to mention unsupportive of my local gym owner), but it’s true. I’ve been finding that my sweat-from-home routine has been very challenging—not to mention one that I can begin immediately after I roll out of bed and one that has me in the shower mere seconds after it’s over. As sad as it makes me because I love the people there, it’s going on my to-don’t list for now. [But as a sidebar, if you can think of a way I can continue to support my local gym owner, please let me know!]
Question 2): Have I formed a healthy new habit that should take priority over this old activity?
It’s easy to focus on what’s gone wrong these last six months, and I don’t say that flippantly. I know many people have lost jobs and even loved ones. Isn’t it also true, though, that some healthy habits have taken root in our lives?
For me, one such habit is journaling. Although I love to write and have kept a diary since I was 12, when I became a mom, journaling fell off of my radar. I would buy beautiful journal after beautiful journal and then shove them in my bedside drawer and write them off (pun intended—ha!) as something I didn’t have time to do now, but would . . . one day.
Well, friends, “one day” came sooner than I thought. In the early days of quarantine, I found myself with serious writer’s block. I started to feel really bummed about it, until my husband suggested I start journaling to get my creative juices flowing again. (Seriously, I love that guy). So I did, and I fell completely in love with it. It’s cathartic and cleansing and I don’t see myself ever stopping.
So what about you? Have you picked up a healthy new habit? If so, what might have to fall off of your plate to make room for it permanently?
Question 3): What could I say yes to if I said no to this?
Or put another way, what would I have to say no to if I said yes to this? My friend Yamiek from Rockstar Career Moms told me recently that the pandemic helped her realize she was wasting tons of time before watching mindless television and scrolling through her newsfeed on FB. Remembering that our kiddos are always watching us, she challenged herself to experience her own life instead of someone else’s on TV or on social media. By saying no to those activities, she’s been able to say yes to more abundance in her family and professional lives.
Remember, time invested in one area is time away from another. As moms, it’s our duty to command our time so that we can be our highest and best—not only to the people who love and depend on us, but to ourselves. When you think of it that way, answering this focusing question becomes a lot easier. The trick is to only give your best yes (and to say no without being mean).
A word of encouragement
Don’t freak out! Just like a to-do list, a to-don’t or “stop doing” list is fluid. Editable. Not written in stone. You can always add to it or remove things from it.
The important thing is that you have a to-don’t list, so you can periodically evaluate where you might be giving too much of yourself and not enough to yourself.
Try it out! You got this, girlfriend.
Sharing is caring. If you liked this post, click on one of the icons below and share it with a friend!