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When Shawn and I got married, we went on a spectacular honeymoon. I’ll always remember how splendidly glorious it felt on our wedding night to walk into our honeymoon suite after the reception—me channeling my inner queen, donning a gorgeous, ivory satin gown with a heavy bouquet of calla lilies in hand—and settle into the reality that I would be doing zero lawyering for two weeks in favor of wine tasting for five days in Napa Valley, followed by seven days of utter relaxation in Maui, Hawaii.
Mmmm, Maui. It’s like nothing I’ve ever experienced. Truly, with its exotic flowers, native traditions and awe-inspiring landscapes, it’s like being in a different country—only like, super comfortable because of the whole dollar-accepting, English-speaking, U.S. Constitution-abiding thing.
Leading up to our visit, we repeatedly heard from folks at home and in Napa alike, “You have to take the road to Hana when you get to Maui.” So when we checked in at the Grand Wailea a few days later and our concierge made the same recommendation, we knew we had to do it.
We rented a Jeep, got a map and some bottled water, and set out on the trek to Hana, just two excited newlyweds up for an adventure. We were told to set aside an entire day for the trip and had been given places to stop along the way.
We visited Kuau Cove to watch powerful blue-green waves crash over and over again on the shore. We hiked in flip flops through thigh-deep water to reach a breathtaking waterfall and swam in the freezing cold lagoon it poured into. We walked barefoot along the beach at the Waianapanapa Caves, letting our toes sink into the black sand, dark from volcanic sediment and ash. We explored a real lava tube in pitch black darkness with only the flashlights in our hands to guide us.
And then, at long last, we reached our destination.
Hana, as it turned out, was fairly nondescript. I sort of don’t even remember it. There was a visitor center, I think. And maybe a koi pond? I’m sure in isolation it’s beautiful, perhaps even breathtaking. I mean, it’s in Maui, after all. But after the absolutely incredible journey we’d just experienced, arriving at our destination was sort of, well . . . meh.
That was almost 10 years ago. It’s not often that I think about our honeymoon now with the day-to-day bustle of raising two kids, running a household, lawyering, aspiring to be an amateurish tennis champion and building an online business to consume my being and doing. But the other day I was reading something that mentioned the road to Hana and I thought, Hey, I’ve done that!
The author described the many sites along the famous route and warned that if you simply drove straight through them in an effort to get to Hana quickly, you would actually miss the whole point of taking the road to Hana in the first place. I nodded in agreement as I read. After all, people don’t tell you to visit Hana. They tell you to take the road to Hana. I smiled at the memory, and then it struck me for the first time ever:
I understand—physically, experientially—what it means when people say “it’s about the journey, not the destination.”
I’ve literally done it.
Yet it doesn’t register when I’m in Target wrangling my kids, stopping them from trying to murder each other by threatening to murder them myself, and an older woman smiles knowingly at me and says, “Enjoy the journey, honey.” Always, I smile back politely and shake my head internally thinking, Enjoy this?! You cray, lady!
It doesn’t register when my tennis coach, after witnessing me hit ball after ball into the net and then over the fence—whilst groaning and stifling blood-curdling screams—encourages me to “enjoy the process” of improving my tennis game. Enjoy sucking?! I think, before demanding out loud to know when I’m going to start seeing results.
And it definitely does not register when I’m enduring each phase of growing my business, bawling my eyes out because I can’t figure out a new plug-in or how to make WordPress do what I want it to do, gosh darn it! I don’t truly hear my blogging mentor when she tells me that this is the hardest but most exciting time of my business, when I’m throwing spaghetti at the wall to see what will stick, learning what to do and what not to do for my unique niche.
No. I’m too focused on getting to a time when my kids are bigger and better behaved, when my forehands skid off the baseline and don’t come back, when my blog has 10,000 subscribers.
I’m focused on getting to Hana.
Oops. (Cue palm smacking into forehead now). Man, oh man! What have I been missing out on? Did I already drive by the black sand beach and the lava tube? Did I miss the waterfall?
Talk about a total paradigm shift. Seeing the process in that light turns it into something else entirely. It isn’t something to complain about. It’s something to be enjoyed. Photographed, memorialized, scrapbooked, even!
I’d venture to say the same is true for you, girlfriend. Where do you find yourself squandering the journey in favor of the destination? On your way to becoming debt-free? Or losing 25 pounds? Or earning a promotion at work? Perhaps it’s surviving this time of being home with two kids under two (or even three under three!).
Whatever it is, don’t be so focused on getting to where you’re going that you miss experiencing the unthinkable miracles and opportunities surrounding you along the way.
Enjoy the road you’re on, girlfriend. It’s beautiful. And so is who you’re becoming in the process.
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