Getting Off the Hot Mess Express

It wasn’t the worst morning I’d ever had trying to get the kids dressed, fed and out the door on time while simultaneously trying to do the same for myself.  But it was one in which I had built in zero margin for error.  And with my husband traveling, such reckless abandon was, in hindsight, unadvisable.

It was all going fairly smoothly until it was time to actually leave.  The minute at which our Honda Odyssey tires must be rolling backwards down our driveway is inflexible; the bus pulls up to the stop to collect all of the neighborhood elementary school kids, including my daughter, at precisely 7:31 am.

Seven twenty-eight a.m. found me frantically pulling a wet-to-dry flat iron through my damp, poufy hair and yelling in the general vicinity of the first floor, “Socks and shoes on!”

“Okay!” My six-year-old daughter called back.  And then shortly thereafter I heard my son.  “I can’t find my shoes!”

Of course.  Right?  You saw that coming.

By now I was bounding down the stairs, simultaneously devising Plan B.  I knew we had a hand-me-down pair of sneakers in our shoe basket by the door and grabbed those, which, you guessed it, he scowled at and firmly announced his disapproval.  It was now 7:30 am and I ordered him tersely into the van. I threw the shoes in the back, figuring we’d just put them on when we arrived at his pre-school.

I got my daughter to the bus stop at the exact moment the bus was pulling up and barely slowed down enough to open the door for her to hop out.  (Side note:  I gotta say, as not cool as I am now that I legit drive a minivan, I totes love the automatic door feature).  And then we were on our way!  On time!  I felt I had avoided a crisis.

Alas, I didn’t get off so easily.

When we arrived at my son’s pre-school I cheerily advised him that it was time to put on his super-cool “other” shoes.  He promptly reminded me, “I don’t like those shoes!” (Just picture furrowed brows and clenched fists and a super adorable pout notwithstanding the brows and the fists).

“Well, we don’t have a choice,” I told him calmly.  “You can’t go barefoot, can you?”  I helped him put on the shoes and felt a familiar wave of guilt rush over me.  They were a tad snug.

“Mom, they don’t fit!”

“Yes, they do,” I insisted, loosening the Velcro.

“I can’t wiggle my toes!” he wailed.

“Well, I can’t either,” I said lamely, glancing down at my four-inch, leopard print pumps.  Totally not the same thing, I know.

The biting truth about this moment in which I found myself shoving my four-year-old’s size 11 foot into size 10 shoes because the sneakers that fit him properly were nowhere to be found when we (read: I, while barking out orders and balancing coffee, water, and protein shake in one arm) were rushing out the door is that it was totally my fault.  It was the culmination of one simple thing: unpreparedness.

Unpreparedness, my friends, is the number one culprit of all so-called “mom fails.”  Think about it.  If you had laid out your outfit the night before, down to the accessories; if you had the coffee ground and waiting to be brewed in the coffee maker the next morning; if you had lunches packed and shoes laid out, wouldn’t you be less likely to experience the one thing the next morning that will inevitably go wrong and lead to at least four other things going wrong in succession?

Oh yeah.  You betcha.

Like King Solomon in the book of Ecclesiastes, I’m here to encourage you to learn from my mistakes without having to make them yourself.  Plus, a day of not berating ourselves for what we coulda, woulda, shoulda sounds peachy, yes?

It’s so simple, really.  If the bane of our existence as mothers is unpreparedness, then the solution, of course, is to be prepared.  

I promise you this isn’t rocket science (which, candidly, I know nothing about but it seems really, really complicated).  Getting off the Hot Mess Express and getting on the road to designing a life you love can begin with an act as simple as choosing your outfit the night before.  Being prepared is so simple when we choose it. We just have to be on purpose about it.

Plus, you already took the first step when you started taking back your time. Compound that by choosing preparedness, girlfriend.

Next stop: taming the morning whirlwind!


Are you on this bandwagon yet? Get on it, girl!

You Can Do Hard Things

strong is beautifulI hate running.  It’s always seemed so pointless to me. I mean, why run just to run, without a destination or an identified purpose?   Unless someone is chasing you, it just seems so unnecessarily strenuous.  

But you can’t grow by staying inside your comfort zone. I understand that undeniable truth, and when an opportunity arises, I find myself jumping into experiences that I know will stretch me beyond my known limits. You don’t know what you don’t know, as the saying goes. I say, you don’t know what you don’t know until you do. And you can only know what’s unknown by trying new things, right?

So that’s why, even though I hate to run and even though I was straight-up terrified of the many (many) pull-ups, pushups, burpees and squats that I knew awaited me, I begrudgingly signed up for an insane fitness challenge that I had once scoffed at as being inhumane and agreed to forego wine and coffee (among life’s other delights) for four weeks in the name of fitness. The program consisted of a strict Paleo diet that made me wince at first glance (what do you mean, no hummus?!) and a workout regimen that had me doing handstand pushups on Saturdays.  (To answer your question, yes, I modified them).  Anytime I had a serving of alcohol I would have to run a mile.  And did I mention that the four weeks encompassed Mother’s Day, the most glorious of all days to eat brunch?  Yet I dove in anyway, jitterbugs be damned.  My goal was not to lose weight or inches, although I lost plenty of both. It wasn’t even to win. It was just to finish the challenge and give it my all so that I would know: can I? Can I do it? Spoiler alert:  yes, I can!

And as growth opportunities often do, this journey changed my life.

Not only did I make an amazing, life-long friend in Samantha, the partner to whom I was randomly assigned, I became physically stronger, mentally tougher, grittier and more resilient than I believed was possible. I can like, totally do a real pushup now. Running ain’t no thing anymore. I kicked caffeine for good. I am now a Paleo ninja.  Oh, and Sam and I came in first place at the end of the 4 weeks, which was pretty cool too.

The moral? Crushing a goal is dirty, hard work. It’s sweaty and gross. It’s painful and challenging and, in my case, can bring you to your knees gasping for air, or leave you face down on a trodden gym floor trying not to cry as you force yourself up for burpee number 15 of 22. But it’s also where you learn the nooks and crannies of who you are and who you’re becoming. It’s where the magic happens.

So, what’s your “insane fitness challenge?”  You know—that thing in the periphery that you think you could never do but would secretly love to give a shot?  Do you want to publish a book?  Open a bakery?  Start a home-based business?  Lose 25 pounds?   And who might you be at the end of that journey?  Might you be stronger?  More resilient?  More willing to give yourself experiences that fortify your self-belief?

We all know what quitting feels like. Challenge yourself to taste what it would be like to try something new and finish what you start, and finish strong.  


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Living The Phoenix Diaries

I realized recently that I love people.  I especially love my fellow mom.  You’ve seen her.  She’s beautifully messy and has a giant inside of her that she doesn’t know how to unleash.  She has gifts but hasn’t figured out how to harness them.  She’s powerful but not empowered.  And she’s got serious heart.  A girl boss in the making.  These women are dear to me because I consider myself to be one, if only just a few life, mindset and self-discovery experiences further along on the path.  I know what it’s like to fall on your face and start over, and what it’s like to succeed and then reinvent yourself anyway.  I like to think of myself as a phoenix.  I rise up.

I’m not one who stays inside her comfort zone, and I’ll be unapologetic about encouraging you to step outside of yours.  True statement:  growth and comfort are mutually exclusive.  That’s why, despite having literally no idea what I’m doing, I started this blog. I wanted to create a place dedicated to grit, determination and resilience.  So I did, and Living the Phoenix Diaries was born.  Through this blog, I loudly celebrate unwavering faith.  I put attention on the absolute truth that we can create what we want to experience in life, love and work.

I’ve never been a blogger before.  But I guess I wasn’t a lawyer until I was, and I wasn’t a mom until I was.  No one is anything until they are, right?  So, here I am:  declaring myself a blogger extraordinaire.  Now, don’t get me wrong.  I’m no technological expert.  I didn’t even know what a plug-in was until a few weeks ago (but I was unabashed about finding out from some younger, techier folk)!  But I do know a lot about living intentionally and that, no matter where you are today, you can design a life you absolutely love.  And you know what?  It’s not all that complicated.  Living your dream life can begin with an act as simple as planning tomorrow’s outfit the night before.

Life is beautiful and fleeting and I don’t want to waste any of it playing small.  I won’t lie—as I was deciding to launch this thing there was a voice in my head whispering, “Why would anyone want to read what you have to write?” Terrified on some level that the voice could be right, I thought, Maybe they won’t.  And then, remembering that I’m a phoenix, I smiled, squared my shoulders and thought, But maybe they will.  Maybe the dozens of real lives I’ve already helped change through my light, my leadership and my love give me some street cred.

One thing’s for sure.  I am fierce, passionate and powerful beyond measure.  And I am obsessed with helping others believe the same about themselves.  (OK, maybe that was like, four things).

Welcome to Living the Phoenix Diaries.  I invite you to rise up.