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I wear my heart on my sleeve. I am fiercely loyal and I love deeply. I make friends quickly and I trust easily. Those traits allow me to have meaningful connections and incredible experiences.
They also, inevitably, set me up for some heartache and disappointment along the way.
I had one of those experiences recently. Without getting into the gory details, I’ll simply say it was the grownup equivalent of having your best classmate tell you she doesn’t want to play with you anymore. Over text message. Complete with that old, “It’s not you, it’s me” song and dance.
[Cue major eye roll].
But silly as it sounds now, I was upset when it happened. OK, I’ll be totally honest: I was crushed. I had thought this person was my friend, and that we were going to create some amazing results on a joint endeavor we had been working on together. I felt blindsided when she told me (via text) that our partnership wasn’t working for her and that she wanted to explore other options.
It was like being dumped. Used. Discarded.
So I let myself feel all the feels. I cried. I engaged in negative self-talk (“Do I suck?” “What’s wrong with me?” “Am I not good enough?”). And after fully experiencing my emotions (except for the one where I wanted to go Office Space on a printer), I released it.
And, as I always strive to do after any life experience, I reflected on what this particular rejection taught me. Here’s what I took away, and what I’ll help my kids take away when something doesn’t work out for them:
- Always listen to your intuition.
Or, put another way, trust your gut. During our “friendship,” I got little glimpses of this person that made me wonder if she was truly as genuine as she seemed, but I quickly brushed off those thoughts as unwarranted negativity, or paranoia, or another case of me “being in my head.”
In hindsight, of course, it all fits together. Your intuition will never steer you wrong, girlfriend. There’s an old saying: when people tell you who they are, listen.
In this case, listening to my intuition would have spared me the heartache. But I don’t actually regret the way things went down. (More on that in a sec’).
I am grateful, however, that I can see where my intuition was trying to point me, if for no other reason than it’s comforting to know I can depend on that gift when it really matters.
- Remember The Moana Principle.
I’ve explained The Moana Principle before, but in case you don’t remember, I’ll quickly fill you in.
In the Disney movie, Moana, there’s a part when she’s navigating the ocean on a raft, lost and alone, searching for Maui, a demi-god no one has seen in like, hundreds of years. She has absolutely no idea how she’s going to find him, and in a moment of desperate faith, she calls on the ocean for help.
The ocean, being the ocean, promptly throws her into a tumultuous storm while she hangs on for her life in terror. The next morning, she finds herself shipwrecked on an island, frazzled and disoriented and seemingly no closer to finding Maui. Furious, she curses the ocean for toying with her, but in the next moment, who does she discover just happens to be stranded on that island too?
Maui.
The ocean delivered her right to him.
You see the metaphor, right?
Sometimes the fastest way to get from where you are to where you need to be is through a total sh*tstorm.
This phenomenon is what I call The Moana Principle.
And I’m starting to believe this recent experience will soon reveal itself to be one of those blessings in disguise. I can already see how things are aligning and coming together for my benefit now that this partnership has ended, and I have complete trust and faith that I’m going to reach my goals even faster because it ended.
It didn’t feel good when it was happening, but it’s clear to me now that it needed to happen.
So next time life throws you a storm, try to see it for what it is: a shortcut to bigger and better. Don’t resist it; don’t curse it. Don’t shut your eyes and wish it wasn’t happening. Obviously, you need to experience it. After all, it’s taking you exactly where you want to go.
- Regret is a choice.
Remember earlier, when I said I don’t regret the way this whole scenario went down? Here’s what I mean by that: had I avoided the heartache, I also would have missed out on the fun.
I had some great times with this person while it lasted, and learned strategies and skills I probably would not have otherwise learned if she and I hadn’t been pushing toward a goal together. I don’t regret that for one second.
Realize that regret is a choice, girlfriend. And when we choose regret instead of choosing to see the value that exists in every experience, we allow ourselves to be robbed.
I don’t know about you, but I refuse to feel robbed. More importantly, I’m teaching my kids about that choice. I’m showing them exactly what it looks like—ugly tears and all—to move on after feeling sad and rejected, and how to turn tough experiences into powerful life lessons.
We are forged in the fire, my friend. Sometimes, it’s just not supposed to work out. But disappointment and heartache only make us stronger, and you know what? They make us better mamas too.
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