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I go for stuff.  I’m not the girl who sits around waiting for life to happen to her.  I don’t complain about so-called “bad luck” or hate on others’ success.  No way.  I believe that we create everything we experience in life and, with God as my source, I step into my power and I go for stuff.  

That’s not to say I don’t suffer from attacks of imposter syndrome (or as I like to call it, the You Can’t Monster).  To be very clear, I’m a big fan of the ugly cry on a rough day.  

So in early 2020 when I signed up to do a Spartan “sprint” (which, mind you, is several miles of hell, complete with 21 obstacles, barbed wire and a lot of mud), I thought, OK.  I’m gonna go for this.  

But then COVID happened and the race was postponed.  My Hard Exercise Works gym, where many a Spartan athlete is born, was forced to temporarily close. We all stayed home for a several tumultuous months and I eventually fell out of doing my crazy-hard workouts.  And when the race was finally rescheduled in 2021, it all felt a lot less, well . . . fun, to the extent getting filthy while voluntarily enduring pain in the name of fitness ever seemed fun.

But because I’m the girl who goes for stuff, I also tend to be very, very hard on myself.  I do not let myself off the hook easily.  And I’ve been known to berate myself when I feel I’ve underperformed or not shown up the way I thought I should.  

Thus, twenty-four hours before the race began found me in an intense debate.  With . . . ahem, myself.  

“You said you were going to do it, so you should do it.”  

I nodded.  “Yeah.  I should just do it.”  I wrinkled my nose.  “But I really don’t want to.” 

“Yeah, but you’ll be stronger for it.  You’ll definitely grow.”    

“I know I will.”  I sighed.  “But I really don’t want to.” 

I intermittently had this back-and-forth conversation with myself all day.  Finally, when my bestie and fellow Spartan texted me to find out what I had decided, I wrote back, “I guess I should just do it.”  

She responded, “Or you could not do it and be ok with it.” 

Wait.  What? 

You know that moment in movies where the protagonist has an epiphany and the music swells, the lighting gets brighter and the camera swoops in?  Yeah, that happened for me in that moment.  Yes!  I thought. I could just not do it and be ok with it.  Yes! 

So that’s what I did. 

I took myself out of the race before I even laced up my shoes.  I quit.  I didn’t even try.  

And damn, girlfriend, it felt gooooooood. 

It felt so good to give myself permission to do exactly what I wanted, even if that meant I wasn’t going to do something I had signed up for.  

It was quite a foreign experience.  Remember, I’m the girl who goes for stuff.  

So as that girl, I have to make sure you don’t get me wrong.  

I’m not saying it’s ok to bail on your commitments willy nilly.  It is not cool to leave people hanging when they’re depending on you to show up.  I’m not saying you should start things and not finish them.  And I am definitely not saying it’s ok to make excuses when the going gets tough.  

Because duh, if we constantly did that, we’d never accomplish our big, hairy audacious goals.  We wouldn’t learn how to do new things.  We’d never grow.  

What I am saying is that when your heart’s not in it, when you’re not doing it for the right reasons, when no one else is going to be put out, it’s ok to give yourself a break.  

In my case, my bestie had already done two Spartan races and had made it very clear to me that she felt no qualms about skipping this one.  I, on the other hand, had not been training for it.  In fact, I was dreading it.  My heart just wasn’t in it.  

And that’s why giving myself a break on this one was the most loving thing I could have done for myself. 

All you perfectionists out there, all you mamas who are so hard on yourselves, who never, ever let yourself off the hook—let that sink in. 

It’s ok to give yourself a break.  Giving yourself a break can be the deepest form of self care.  Truly, it’s an act of love.  

So next time you’re faced with forcing yourself to do something you really don’t want to do and that truly won’t hurt you to skip, ask yourself:  Is my heart in this?  Am I doing this for the right reasons?  Is anyone else’s life going to be more difficult if I decide not to follow through?  

If the answer to those questions is no, skip it.  Give yourself the break.  Take the win that comes with loving yourself enough to know when you need to take care of you and just let it be easy.  Stop being so brutally hard on yourself. 

Trust yourself, girlfriend.   And allow yourself to receive all the beautiful blessings that flow your way when you do. 

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