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Did you know you are the average of the five people you hang around the most? It’s a potent truth. It means you essentially share the behaviors and beliefs of the five people you spend the most time with. That’s great news if you hang around five people who live intentionally and are generous, confident and kind. If, on the other hand, you spend most of your time with people who don’t believe they create their realities, complain, are lazy and settle for mediocrity then, well . . . you know. So will you.
Take a sec’ to let that sink in.
Acknowledging how much your Five influence you is one of the most powerful things you can do. Think about any goal you’ve been trying to achieve. Depending on the quality of your Five, achieving that goal may be much more difficult than it could be, your great intentions notwithstanding.
Let’s take losing weight as an example. If you want to lose weight and get healthier, but you’re spending most of your time with people who don’t make healthy food choices and don’t exercise, it’s exponentially less likely that you’ll achieve your goal. Makes sense right? But what if your Five was comprised of like-minded women who choose health and movement, who cheer you on and call you out and welcome you to do the same for them? Do you think your results would be better?
No doubt, girlfriend.
I’m proud to say that, along with my husband and my friend Lara, my Five includes three very special women who started as business accountability partners but who are now my very best friends. I call these women my Celebration Circle, and I am utterly convinced that you need one, too.
At a Wildtree conference 
I met Steph, Katie and Amy when we were all Team Leaders with a now defunct direct sales company called Wildtree. Steph lives in Montana and Katie and Amy are in Wisconsin, so at first we only ever got together at company meetings. Our friendship began with regular check-ins by phone during which we would share business goals and hold each other accountable for completing the commitments we had made on the call before. Eventually we started communicating more regularly using recorded audio messages on Facebook Messenger. It wasn’t long before we began turning to each other for more than just business ideas and accountability. We started to lean on each other, confide in each other and support each other as mothers, wives and friends.
Today, I talk to Steph, Katie and Amy every single day, thanks to an awesome walkie-talkie app called Voxer. I share everything with them, from mom fails to arguments with my husband to things you can only ever talk about with girlfriends. I tell them my biggest dreams and my deepest fears. And because empowered women empower women, they encourage me to be my highest and best. They challenge me. They give me ideas. They listen to me. They take my side. They openly disagree with me. They defend me. They call me out. They love me fiercely.
They celebrate me. And I do the same for each of them.
Having my Celebration Circle is a huge part of the fullness of my life. But here’s the unexpected kicker: having them is also part of my success. Experiencing the profound effect of a friendship like this makes me want it for everyone, including you, friend. If you don’t have a group of women who celebrate and comfort you, who lift you up when you’re down and push you to be your best, you need one.
The big question, of course, is how do you create a Celebration Circle? Well, this is where the rubber meets the road. Your Circle will come together as a result of upgrading your Five. And I’ll be the first to tell you that upgrading your Five will probably be uncomfortable. The process requires you to take a long, hard look at some of your existing relationships. But that’s the point.
Living your ideal life means surrounding yourself with people whose energy is serving you and the person you want to be.
One of my Mary Kay mentors taught me a great exercise for examining the quality of your Five. Are you ready to get real with your bad self? Grab a paper and pen and write down the five people you currently hang around the most. Go on. I’ll wait.
Once you have your list, write a plus sign (+) next to the people who are adding to the fullness of your life. These are the people who embody what you want more of in your space. Perhaps that’s excellence, boldness, intentionality, confidence, positivity or accountability. Maybe it’s mindfulness or creativity or just plain love. There are no wrong answers here. If they’re adding to your life, they get a plus sign.
Next, write a zero (0) next to the people who are not necessarily adding to your life, but aren’t taking away from it either. These people are Switzerland—they’re neutral.
Finally, write a minus sign (-) next to the people who are taking away from the fullness of your life. These are the people who behave like crabs in a bucket. If you’ve never witnessed this phenomenon, suffice it to say they don’t hoist each other up in a, “I got you, girl!” kind of way. It’s quite the opposite, in fact. If one of them tries to get out of the bucket, the others will pull her down. Literally. Relentlessly. They will keep her from rising up.
I’ve seen human women behave this way as well. Poisoned by a scarcity mindset, they believe that if they help another woman succeed, there won’t be enough success left for them. God didn’t make the Universe abundant enough for us all to be successful at the same time, they tell themselves. And so they pull others down, secretly hoping those women will fail so they can feel better about not excelling. These are the people who drain your energy. They complain, nitpick or nag and, despite that you may love them, they make your space toxic.
Now, once you’ve been raw and honest and designated each person as a positive, a negative or a neutral, take a look at what you’ve uncovered. If you don’t see five plus signs, you’ve got some work to do if you want to create a true Celebration Circle. (And duh, of course you want that).
Although it may seem harsh, that means eliminating the Bucket Crabs from your Five. Now before you freak out, I’m not suggesting you eliminate them from your life (although with certain people, like my ex-husband, that will indeed be the case). You’re just removing them from your inner circle. And yes, that’s true even if a Bucket Crab in your Five is someone you’re related to, which can make this endeavor extra sticky.
There is no cookie cutter solution here, and I won’t pretend I have one. We’re all navigating different dynamics with our Bucket Crabs. But, as with any goal, although you’re thinking big your actions must be small. So instead of completely axing someone from your Five cold turkey, maybe you start with something as simple as not engaging when she calls to do her usual unloading of complaints and negativity. Instead of trying to fix things or make suggestions and getting totally sucked in, just let her talk and empty her cup while you remain neutral.
Once your Five is comprised of plus signs, creating a Celebration Circle is easy.
In Napa Valley 
In Willamette Valley
I don’t think there’s any right or wrong way to do it, although I will say the beauty of mine is that we are completely balanced. If you want to think of it in terms of “biologies,” I am the Control, Katie is the Influence, Amy is the Power and Steph is the Authority. Or if we were witches, I guess Amy would be Earth, Steph would be Wind, Katie would be Water and I would be Fire. Whatever—the point is, we form a completely balanced circle, which means we each bring different perspectives to goal crushing and problem solving (as well as choosing restaurants, shoes and wine).
Having a Celebration Circle is fun. Having a quality Five is essential. Having both is a blessing. Choose both, girlfriend. It will change your life.
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