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I once asked hundreds of moms what their greatest daily challenge is. The response, hands down, was not having enough time. That didn’t surprise me in the least, and if you’re a mom, you’re probably nodding your head like, “Girrrl, ain’t nobody more crunched for time than a mama.”
Yet so often, we engage in colossal wastes of time and don’t even realize we’re doing it. There are the obvious time suckers, like doing yourself what others can do for you, or spinning in frenzied circles every morning when some simple planning and organization tricks could have you sailing smoothly (and quickly) out the door.
But there are also really sneaky thieves of our time. You can’t see them, can’t even pinpoint them, but they rob us of precious moments and keep us from fully enjoying life.
One such thief takes the form of doors that close in our faces. You know what I mean, right? Have you ever been dumped or fired and refused to let go? Or been unwilling to forgive yourself for something that you wish you had handled differently? Even now, might you be holding on to how things were before the pandemic, or how they “would have been” if none of this had happened?
This may be a harsh truth, friend, but pining away for what could have been is the ultimate waste of time.
I’mma say something obvious, because sometimes you (and I) need reminders: there is nothing you can do to change something that has already happened. Nothing. (Unless, of course, you have a time machine).
Listen, I’m not saying you should dance around in glee when things don’t work out. It’s absolutely ok to be disappointed and hurt. And more importantly, it’s absolutely ok to express that you’re disappointed or hurt.
What I am saying is that, as with everything in life, you have a choice. You get to decide how long you want to stay in a space of anger, sadness or hurt. Experience it fully you must, but once you do, realize that choosing to hold on to it or wishing it had gone down differently is not only a giant waste of time, but it’s robbing you of the joy that has popped up in its place. And yes, joy has popped up in its place. You only have to turn your head and see it.
It’s like that famous quote from Alexander Graham Bell:
“When one door closes, another opens; but we often look so long and so regretfully upon the closed door that we do not see the one which has opened for us.“
My first marriage ended less than a year after it started. After five years of living together, we lasted eight measly months as husband and wife. For my part, it was humiliating and heartbreaking. I would stare at my wedding photos and feel like an idiot. I would go to friends’ engagement parties convinced that everyone secretly pitied me for being such a loser. When I had to change back to my maiden name, I literally thought I was going to die when everyone in my office received a new phone list with my name appearing in a different place alphabetically.
I felt unlovable. I felt like a complete and total failure. And you better believe I wasted hours upon hours wishing I had done things differently—wishing I could have avoided the hurt and the ugly I experienced in the months leading up to and after our divorce.
It took me years to appreciate that door slamming in my face. Now I can see it for what it was: a blessing. My only regret is that I wasted any time at all wishing that it had never happened. Had it not, I would never have been able to walk through the door that opened for me almost immediately, which led me to the father of my children and the absolute love of my life.
I wonder, friend . . . do you find yourself still staring at the door that COVID-19 (or a former boss or an ex-husband) slammed in your face, instead of at the door that’s been opened for you, through which you might find joy, peace or healing?
I gotta say, ever since this whole COVID-19 thing happened, I’ve found myself with oodles of extra time. And I’m not gonna lie. It’s been awesome. Without anywhere to schlep my kids or myself because of offices, camps, organized group activities and even church being closed, it’s been—dare I say it?—sort of peaceful around here. (I mean, except for the periodic shrieking and intense, high-pitched squabbling over who destroyed what in whose world in Minecraft, of course). Slowing down, while certainly not without its challenges, has been a huge blessing.
Which begs the question:
If there are unexpected blessings when doors are slammed in our faces, could we find similar fortune by closing some doors ourselves?
I’m voting yes.
My encouragement to you today is to be grateful for the doors in your life that slam shut. Appreciate that God has made clear to you that the closed door isn’t the one you’re supposed to walk through. And the open door? It might just be behind you, where you’re not looking. Don’t stare at the closed one for so long that you forget to turn around and see it.
Oh, and while you’re at it, go ahead and shut those doors you should have closed a long time ago but left open. You’re making the air conditioner work twice as hard, girlfriend.
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