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Change is like the great equalizer. Whether we like it or not, all of us are going to experience change in our lives.
I believe no one understands this concept better than a mama. Remember life (and your body) before your first baby? Yeah, things have definitely changed since then.
And like everything in life, change involves duality. Sometimes change is good—like having a baby, scaling your business to the next level, earning a promotion or discovering a new ice cream flavor. And sometimes change can feel . . . not as good. Especially when we don’t necessarily choose it. Losing a loved one. Moving to a foreign place. Breaking up with a significant other or losing a job.
But often, change that feels not so good is actually greatness hiding inside some icky discomfort.
Like an edamame bean. You have to bite through a weird, hairy shell that’s way too hard to swallow to get to the good stuff.
So what are we supposed to do with that when it pops up in our lives? How do we embrace the icky discomfort so we can get to the good—especially when our kids are watching us?
I’m facing this challenge myself right now, and it dawned on me during an early morning meditation that I should probably start with doing as I say.
That probably doesn’t make any sense. Lemme back up.
I do affirmations with my kids. It occurred to me one day when they were really little that some day, in the distant future, mean kids might tell my adorable, sweet, innocent little babies that they’re dumb. Or weird. Or bad at sports. You know—the stuff You-Can’t Monsters are made of. And in that moment of realization, I actually felt offended and mad. I was all, “Aw, heck no!” (Please tell me I’m not the only woman who goes mama bear over situations that haven’t actually happened yet).
Anyhoo, the whole experience got me thinking . . . how can I prepare them for the inevitable trials of youth and adolescence—for the mean girls and the merciless boy hazing? How do I prepare them for the stuff beyond all that, like the scariness of choices and trying something new and putting yourself out there?
I’m not sure any mom can fully prepare her kids for rejection and failure and, you know . . . high school. But a girl can try.
I settled on affirmations.
And so, since they were little I have told them every day,“You are smart, kind, important. You can do hard things. You don’t give up easily.” As they got bigger we added a few to the list, like “I try new things.”
Admittedly, I threw that one in there so I could waggle a finger at them when we were introducing new foods and they wrinkled their noses. I could be like, “Remember! We try new things!”
But when you’re experiencing a change, those words take on new meaning. That’s what I meant when I said, I should do as I say.
At the end of the day, the discomfort that surrounds a change that’s been forced upon us is always rooted in fear.
We’re afraid that the new won’t be as good as the old. We’re afraid we won’t be able to handle it. We’re afraid we might suffer, be embarrassed or feel pain.
But you know what, girlfriend? There was once a time when you had never before tasted ice cream or coffee. You might even have been afraid to taste them at first. But then, you tried those new things anyway. And look at your life now! Can you imagine your life without coffee? (Side note: I gave up caffeine a few years ago, so I actually can imagine my life without coffee, but substitute whatever your vice is here. Wine. Laser hair removal. Botox. Whatever).
A bit tongue and cheek? Maybe. But I think, at the core of it, the analysis is the same with any change.
Everything we want is on the other side of fear.
What if you try that new food and it’s delish? What if losing that old job helps you discover a passion you can parlay into a new career that lights you up? What if you move to that new city and you love it?
Be open to those “what ifs.” Remember that God (and the universe) are always working everything together for your good. Don’t hold yourself back from experiencing that good, even when it’s forced on you and has taken the form of a hard, hairy bean you’ve never seen before.
You know, to this day, my kids and I always end our affirmations with, “You’re brave. You’re powerful.”
And you are, girlfriend. You are.
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