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In Chapters 2 and 3 of my book, I talk about getting crystal clear on your priorities (including the fact that you should be one of them), and dive into how to get off the hot mess express, using your biggest deepest desires as the guide for everything you do.
But I suppose that begs the question: what if I don’t actually know what my deepest desire is?
My answer to that is always, “You do know; you just haven’t given yourself permission to embrace it.” But for those of you who insist that you really don’t know, I’m here for you, mama. Let’s talk.
Let’s go back a few (ahem) years to when you were a little girl. Do you remember what it was like to dream when you were little? If you were anything like I was, you probably had a vision for your life. A big vision. Maybe you were going to be a princess. Maybe you saw yourself as a ballerina or a singer. Or, maybe, like I did, you believed you would become a world-famous actress.
Whatever your aspirations were, I’m willing to bet big money that you weren’t dreaming about settling for an “okay” marriage or spending most of your time at an “okay” job where you’re totally underutilizing your gifts and drumming your nails on your desk every week, waiting for Friday to roll around. And I know you weren’t daydreaming about having an “okay” life in which everyone else’s dreams and desires come before yours.
Yet far, far too many of us moms are living exactly that way. We tell ourselves that this is what being a grown up looks like. We don’t pause to think about what we want anymore.
We give up on our little girl dreams.
But getting in touch with what you want most in the world and identifying what you want out of your life is the only way you’ll get off the hot mess express because once you know what you want, it will be the driving force behind how you spend your time.
Now, rest assured that deciding what you want today doesn’t mean your desires are set in stone.
What you want can change at any time, and that’s absolutely OK.
The important thing is that you’re always in tune with what you want, and that what you want is the driving force behind how you spend your time.
This is where dreaming big comes into play. And when I say big, I mean like, really big. Huge. But before we put pen to paper, let’s do some visualizing, shall we?
Take a moment right now to dream, like you did when you were a little girl. What is your biggest personal or professional dream for this year? And just so we’re clear, your job here is to dream big. I’m in the “set-crazy-unrealistic-ginormous” goals camp. Trust me, despite what conventional goal-setting wisdom might tell you, setting HUGE goals is the way to go. So let your heart run wild here. Hold that image of you accomplishing your dream in your mind. See it clearly. Imagine how you would feel if that dream came true at the end of twelve months, and then hold on to the feeling.
Now we’re going to change the facts. Imagine now that you had zero obstacles. None. You live in a world in which you literally cannot fail. What would your biggest dream be then? What would you go after? What in your wildest dreams would you love to accomplish over the next year? Lose 25 pounds? Reverse a chronic health condition? Hit tennis balls like a pro? Publish a book? Open a cake store?
Your only limit here is your own willingness to be big. Allow it. Big is awesome.
So, I’ve gotta ask you: Was your first dream as big as the second? If not, notice where you’re limiting yourself, even in your dreams. That’s not meant to be a judgment. (This is a judgment-free zone! For reals!) We all limit ourselves. When we notice, we can adjust.
So guess what? Whatever your second dream was is the one we’re going with. And don’t waste a single second worrying about falling short. I promise, you will be far more fulfilled at the end of a year having fallen short of a huge goal than you would be if you achieved a “realistic” goal.
Last year, I fell literally 67 times short of a revenue goal. But you know what? I tripled the revenue from the year before. Had I set a “realistic” goal, I probably wouldn’t have even made it that far. In my experience, “realistic” when it comes to goal setting is just code for “minuscule.” Goals like that aren’t going to stretch you. We’re going BIG, girlfriend, and we’re not concerned about falling short.
Play this episode again and again until you figure out what it is you truly want. And once you do, you’ll know exactly what to do when you get to Chapters 2 and 3 of But Definitely Wear Mascara and have a smug little smile on your face as you’re reading.
Here’s to getting exactly what you want, mama. I can’t wait to see what you create.
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