Forty Is Fabulous

Posted on July 15, 2020 by Nikki Oden

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Today is my 40th birthday. They say life begins at forty. As I reflect today upon these last several years of my life, I thought it would be fun to imagine . . . what bits of wisdom would I impart to my 25-year-old self if we could sit down and enjoy a glass of Chardonnay together?

I think it would go something like this:

1) You’re gonna fall on your face. A lot. Don’t resist it. Don’t berate yourself for not getting it “right.” Your most brilliant moments will be born from those so-called failures. You’ll end up marrying the love of your life—after you marry the wrong guy first. You’ll ditch that career you toiled away in school for, and that everyone else thought made you so successful, but that you secretly hated. You’ll make friends who are true. You’ll discover you have a gift you can parlay into a career you absolutely love. You’ll find your purpose. You’ll find yourself.

2) Becoming a mom is the hardest thing you’ll ever do. Like, ever. You’re gonna start worrying the minute you know you’re carrying that baby and you will never, ever stop. Not when you make it to 12 weeks. Not when the nuchal translucency screening comes back normal. Not when she’s born and she’s perfect and beautiful. Not even now, when she’s 8 years old and a totally legit human with opinions and goals. Oh, and nursing and sleep training are going to kick your ass. You are going to cry a lot. And then you’re gonna have another baby 17 months later and do it all over again. (I know, girlfriend. I know).

But you know what else? You’re going to discover how precious life is. You’re going to learn how to give grace to others and to yourself. You’re going to understand from a place deep within your soul that a mother’s love for her children is infinite.

Aaaaannnnd you’re gonna realize you’ve been kind of bratty to your own mom for a few decades, so be nicer to her, ok?

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3) Try new things. Listen, girlfriend. You’ve got mad skills. Did you know you can pick up a sport as an adult and actually become good at it? Well, you can! And you will. (Tennis, anyone?) You’re also going to start working out like a beast when you discover—almost unwittingly—that CrossFit is not just for crazy people. It’s also for ordinary, mild-mannered, sleep-deprived moms who wanna lose some baby weight. And who woulda thunk it? You’re going to enjoy it so much that working out is going to become a habit.

You’re also going to become a scrapbooker. And a home cook. And a blogger. And a woman who can rock fake eyelashes. And all of it will feel a little scary and uncomfortable at first, but you’re gonna keep getting uncomfortable and trying new things.

In fact, you’re going to stretch yourself beyond your comfort zone over and over again, because you’ll figure out that growth is impossible inside your comfort zone. The magic happens out “there,” in the unknown. Embrace it. It’s really fun out there.

4) You’ll discover what you love. As a byproduct of trying new things, you’ll learn what it’s like to truly enjoy life, and how to give yourself what you deserve. You’ll become unapologetic about choosing joy. You’ll learn how to be still, how to allow, how to receive. You’ll learn to love yourself and who you’re becoming.

5) You’re gonna be ok, girlfriend. Everything is going to happen exactly the way it’s supposed to, because the nonnegotiable truth is that you create what you experience. You are powerful beyond measure. Everything you need to create a life you absolutely love is already inside of you. Sometimes harnessing that power will take you down paths you didn’t expect (see note one above), but when you choose to become deliberate and intentional about getting what you want, you will indeed create it.

So keep swimming. Don’t stop believing. You’ve totally got this.

Oh, and don’t worry about turning forty. There’s lots more Chardonnay and a lot less drama on this side of the fence. It’s actually quite fabulous. And so are you.

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Why You Should Appreciate the Doors that Slam in Your Face

Posted on June 19, 2020 by Nikki Oden

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I once asked hundreds of moms what their greatest daily challenge is. The response, hands down, was not having enough time. That didn’t surprise me in the least, and if you’re a mom, you’re probably nodding your head like, “Girrrl, ain’t nobody more crunched for time than a mama.”

Yet so often, we engage in colossal wastes of time and don’t even realize we’re doing it. There are the obvious time suckers, like doing yourself what others can do for you, or spinning in frenzied circles every morning when some simple planning and organization tricks could have you sailing smoothly (and quickly) out the door.

But there are also really sneaky thieves of our time. You can’t see them, can’t even pinpoint them, but they rob us of precious moments and keep us from fully enjoying life.

One such thief takes the form of doors that close in our faces. You know what I mean, right? Have you ever been dumped or fired and refused to let go? Or been unwilling to forgive yourself for something that you wish you had handled differently? Even now, might you be holding on to how things were before the pandemic, or how they “would have been” if none of this had happened?

This may be a harsh truth, friend, but pining away for what could have been is the ultimate waste of time.

I’mma say something obvious, because sometimes you (and I) need reminders: there is nothing you can do to change something that has already happened. Nothing. (Unless, of course, you have a time machine).

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Listen, I’m not saying you should dance around in glee when things don’t work out. It’s absolutely ok to be disappointed and hurt. And more importantly, it’s absolutely ok to express that you’re disappointed or hurt.

What I am saying is that, as with everything in life, you have a choice. You get to decide how long you want to stay in a space of anger, sadness or hurt. Experience it fully you must, but once you do, realize that choosing to hold on to it or wishing it had gone down differently is not only a giant waste of time, but it’s robbing you of the joy that has popped up in its place. And yes, joy has popped up in its place. You only have to turn your head and see it.

It’s like that famous quote from Alexander Graham Bell:

“When one door closes, another opens; but we often look so long and so regretfully upon the closed door that we do not see the one which has opened for us.“

My first marriage ended less than a year after it started. After five years of living together, we lasted eight measly months as husband and wife. For my part, it was humiliating and heartbreaking. I would stare at my wedding photos and feel like an idiot. I would go to friends’ engagement parties convinced that everyone secretly pitied me for being such a loser. When I had to change back to my maiden name, I literally thought I was going to die when everyone in my office received a new phone list with my name appearing in a different place alphabetically.

I felt unlovable. I felt like a complete and total failure. And you better believe I wasted hours upon hours wishing I had done things differently—wishing I could have avoided the hurt and the ugly I experienced in the months leading up to and after our divorce.

It took me years to appreciate that door slamming in my face. Now I can see it for what it was: a blessing. My only regret is that I wasted any time at all wishing that it had never happened. Had it not, I would never have been able to walk through the door that opened for me almost immediately, which led me to the father of my children and the absolute love of my life.

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I wonder, friend . . . do you find yourself still staring at the door that COVID-19 (or a former boss or an ex-husband) slammed in your face, instead of at the door that’s been opened for you, through which you might find joy, peace or healing?

I gotta say, ever since this whole COVID-19 thing happened, I’ve found myself with oodles of extra time. And I’m not gonna lie. It’s been awesome. Without anywhere to schlep my kids or myself because of offices, camps, organized group activities and even church being closed, it’s been—dare I say it?—sort of peaceful around here. (I mean, except for the periodic shrieking and intense, high-pitched squabbling over who destroyed what in whose world in Minecraft, of course). Slowing down, while certainly not without its challenges, has been a huge blessing.

Which begs the question:

If there are unexpected blessings when doors are slammed in our faces, could we find similar fortune by closing some doors ourselves?

I’m voting yes.

My encouragement to you today is to be grateful for the doors in your life that slam shut. Appreciate that God has made clear to you that the closed door isn’t the one you’re supposed to walk through. And the open door? It might just be behind you, where you’re not looking. Don’t stare at the closed one for so long that you forget to turn around and see it.

Oh, and while you’re at it, go ahead and shut those doors you should have closed a long time ago but left open. You’re making the air conditioner work twice as hard, girlfriend.

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Our Top Picks for Father’s Day Gifts for 2020

Posted on June 15, 2020 by Nikki Oden

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Father’s Day always creeps up on me. Every year, despite the best intentions, I find myself scrambling at the last second. And it doesn’t help that my husband and dad both seem impossibly difficult to shop for. But this year, I’m excited to say, I am on it.

But if you’re still scrambling, fret not. I promised you I’d always have your back when it comes to saving time, and shopping for Father’s Day definitely falls into the category of things for which there should always be an easy button.

Read on for a list of my top Father’s Day gifts for this year, including price points and links so you can quickly and easily grab something for that special guy in your life. Here’s to it being easy (and to you crushing Father’s Day this year)!

1) Your One-Stop Shop

If you’ve never bought your guy a Man Crate, you need to. Not only do they have something for every man, from the beer aficionado and bourbon enthusiast to the sports lover and beef jerky connoisseur, but each gift comes in a wooden crate. As in, a sealed wooden box that you need a crowbar to open. It’s very manly. Naturally, guys love it. Check out all the options here.

2) For the Guy Who Likes to Grill

My husband loves to grill. And when he grills, I don’t have to cook, so I very much appreciate and encourage it. His favorite grill tool is this tong/turner combo ($10), which allows him to easily flip steaks and burgers.

We also love this wooden grill scraper ($33). It’s a safer way to clean the grill than a metal brush, which can fray and allow harmful metal shavings to end up in your food. This wooden tool molds to the shape of your grill grates over time and works incredibly well to clean them. It’s a tool every master griller must have!

And for the guy who really loves to grill, consider these awesome subscription boxes from The Grill Masters. Your guy will get sauces, rubs and recipes plus a ton more. Check it out!

3) For the Handyman

The self-respecting handyman will have many a tool in his toolbox, but his favorite one might be this laser level and stud finder ($64). Not only does it find studs and throw off a perfectly level laser line, as its name implies, but it sticks to the wall via a plastic hanger with a push-pin device, so it operates hands free. That means you can continue sipping your Chardonnay while you supervise his “honey-do” tasks from afar. No need to hold the level steady for him while he hammers and nails.

Oh, and speaking of nails, check out this cool magnetic cuff ($13) he can wear when he’s working on a project. Now he can have everything at his fingertips. Sure beats him holding screws and nails in his mouth or you having to hand them to him one by one, right? Score!

4) For the T-shirt Guy

Funny and ironic tees are all the rage these days, and my husband, for one, loves them. For every holiday and birthday, I usually end up including a funny tee among his gifts, and he always wears them. Our favorite place to find them these days is Chummy Tees. They have a ton of hilarious t-shirt options, for men and women alike. If you’re stumped, I say grab a tee. Can’t go wrong!

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5) For the Bike Rider

It seems that many of us have taken to riding our bikes these days, and with summer in full swing, the weather is perfect for it. Nothing is more of a drag than when the bike tires are flat, though. The solution? This air pump ($80). My husband absolutely loves it. It fills tires in mere seconds at the press of a button, and it can also be used on other inflatable items, like pool floats. So handy!

6) For the Gadget Guy

I’m not a tech expert, but in my opinion this thingy is super cool! It’s a dual charger for his Apple watch and his phone ($54). What guy doesn’t like efficiency, am I right?

Another super cool gadget that is super popular right now is this UV smart phone sanitizer that doubles as a wireless charger ($53). It doesn’t use any chemicals, and will actually sanitize anything that fits inside. Pretty neat, huh?

And I’m a sucker for any gadget that keeps my eyeglasses clean. If your guy wears glasses, check out these fun speck cleaners ($20).

7) For the Raving TV Show Fan

If your husband is anything like mine, there’s some series that he absolutely loves and could watch over and over again. In our house, it’s The Office. Maybe in yours, it’s Game of Thrones or Stranger Things. Whatever it is, you’re sure to be able to find some obscure paraphernalia from the show on Etsy, like this Dwight Schrute painting that I cannot wait to give my husband. Etsy stuff tends to take a bit longer to create and ship, though, so you’ll want to jump on that fast.

8) The Backyardian (is that a word?)

For guys who love spending time in the backyard, you can’t go wrong with classic games like corn hole (you can find sets ranging from $38 to $120) or giant Jenga ($60) or Connect Four ($65). Plus the kids are sure to love these too!

Hopefully this list helped you find something special for your best guy! But don’t put too much pressure on yourself. After all, Father’s Day is about celebrating the man who made you a mama, and the man who raised you. Whatever you decide to give him he’s sure to love because it came from you. Wishing you lots of love and joy this Father’s Day!

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I Will Choose Love

Posted on June 3, 2020 by Nikki Oden

I believe in the greatness of humankind. I believe anyone can do anything. I believe good will always defeat evil. And I believe God loves us all.

But I won’t lie. George Floyd’s murder has shaken my faith. It has burst my bubble. Pulverized it. Blown it to shreds. How could a man be so callously and cruelly murdered by a police officer in broad daylight simply because of the color of his skin? How could that be real?

I’m ashamed that it’s taken me this long to say anything. I’ll admit that at first I thought I would just stay silent. I told myself I wasn’t going to publicly engage in a political issue.

But then, my highest and best self took a long, hard look at me and shook her head, shook me. You have a voice, she said. You have a platform. Get real. This isn’t a political issue.

It’s a human one.

And I believe in the greatness of humankind. I believe anyone can do anything. I believe good will always defeat evil. And I believe God loves us all.

We are all made in the image of God—all of us. Every. Single. One.

So I’m breaking my silence. But the truth is, I don’t know what to say. If I’m being raw and honest, I’ve never lived through real oppression. I don’t know what it’s like to fear that my son might be mistreated or harmed by the police. I didn’t want to know that such hatred could still exist in a world in which I’m raising my children.

Because I believe in the greatness of humankind. I believe anyone can do anything. I believe good will always defeat evil. And I believe God loves us all.

When I was a senior in college, I was invited to take an elite writing course. The topic was “Race as a Construct in America.” A construct. Meaning, race is constructed, contrived. It’s made up. There is no such thing as “race,” other than the human race. And how can anyone deny that we are all human?

It made perfect sense to me. I suppose I’ve been naive all these years, believing it also made sense to everyone else. When I started seeing signs reminding people that Black Lives Matter, I would say to myself, Of course they do. All lives matter. People matter.

I didn’t want to believe that racism still permeates this great country—our country, mine and yours. I certainly didn’t want to believe that racism was systemic. But now I know a different truth, and it’s shaken me to my core.

This hatred has to stop. God wants better for us. I want better for us.

I believe in the greatness of humankind. I believe anyone can do anything. I believe good will always defeat evil. And I believe God loves us all. So I’m not going to be quiet anymore. I’m not going to stand silently by and watch hate win over love.

Today, and every day, I will choose love. I will read. I will watch. I will donate. I will listen. And I will speak.

I will teach my children to stand up against hate. I will teach them to choose love. I don’t know that anything I do will ever be sufficient. But I will do it.

Because I believe in the greatness of humankind. I believe anyone can do anything. I believe good will always defeat evil. And I believe God loves us all.

If you’re looking for some direction on what you can do to make a difference, check out this heartfelt piece written by my dear friend Cameron at This Custom Life. It’s full of great advice and tangible resources for every day moms like me and you who are struggling with what happened to George Floyd: Nine Ways to Teach Your White Kids about Racial Injustice.

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Raising Brave Kids

Posted on May 26, 2020 by Nikki Oden

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This is a review of an amazing children’s book my friend wrote. But before I get to that, I need to give you some back story.

I do affirmations with my kids. It dawned on me one day when they were really little that some day, in the distant future, mean kids might tell my adorable, sweet, innocent little babies that they’re dumb. Or weird. Or bad at sports. You know—the stuff You-Can’t Monsters are made of. And in that moment of realization, I actually felt offended and mad. I was all, “Aw, heck no!” (Please tell me I’m not the only woman who goes mama bear over situations that haven’t actually happened yet).

Anyhoo, the whole experience got me thinking . . . how can I prepare them for the inevitable trials of youth and adolescence—for the mean girls and the merciless boy hazing? How do I prepare them for the stuff beyond all that, like the scariness of choices and trying something new and putting yourself out there?

I’m not sure any mom can fully prepare her kids for rejection and failure and, you know . . . high school. But a girl can try.

I settled on affirmations.

And so, since they were little I have told them every day,“You are smart, kind, important. You can do hard things. You don’t give up easily.” As they got bigger we added a few to the list, like “I try new things” (that one was very useful for when we were introducing new foods), but no matter what, we always end with, “You’re brave. You’re powerful.”

Now that my kids are old enough to have real conversations and real opinions, I don’t have to say the affirmations to them anymore. Instead I say, “Tell me who you are.” And they say the affirmations to me. Sometimes they say them begrudgingly, with a little eye roll, but by the time they get to the end of the list, I always get a robust and authentic, “I’m POWERFUL!”

It’s like, totally adorable. And tear-jerking. And it makes my heart burst with pride.

That’s why I love it when I meet like-minded moms who are creating stuff to build kids up from a young age. One such mom is Ruth Soukup, New York Times bestselling author, seven-figure blogger and creator of Living Well Spending Less, The Elite Blog Academy and Do It Scared. She sounds fancy, right? Well, she is! And I’ve been blessed to work with her personally and get to know her better.

Ruth has a fierce passion for helping people break out of their comfort zones so that they can be and do everything they were created for and live out their God-given potential. At her core, she’s a mama, just like me and you, and she’s recently taken what she knows about fear and goal crushing and made it consumable for kiddos in her book, How Big Is Your Brave?

The story follows a young bunny named Zippy, whose dream in life is to become an astronaut and travel to outer space. When she learns about a local space camp, however, she is overcome by fear, and hesitates to sign up because she’s afraid she won’t be good enough. But with some encouragement from her brother, she does sign up, even though she’s terrified that space camp will be difficult. (This is the part when I look at my kids and remind them, “But we can do hard things, right?” To which they nod and reply, “Yep.”)

Zippy quickly starts to relax and excel in space camp, and the day before it’s over she’s proud to show her brother the amazing rocket ship she’s been working on, which she’s going to present to the rest of her class the following day. But an unfortunate series of accidents leads to her ship being almost completely destroyed, and Zippy is heavily discouraged and ready to quit. Her dad reminds her that how she responds to adversity is a choice (I always pause here to remind my own kids that everything in life, especially how we react, is a choice), and Zippy decides to start over and work on fixing her rocket ship so it’s ready for the next day’s presentation. (This is the part when I say to my kids, “We don’t give up easily, do we?” And they say, “Nope!”)

The next day, Zippy presents her rocket ship and earns herself a blue ribbon for creativity and second place overall. She learns that courage means taking action even when you’re scared, and that most of the time, success lies on the other side of fear.

Y’all, I love this book. I love that my kids love it and that they ask my husband and I to read it to them. Most of all, I love that it affirms for them everything I’ve been telling them for years. And yeah, I’ll admit it: it’s a great reminder for me in my own life, too.

From one mom to another, I highly recommend that you check it out! Read it with your kids. Heck, read it for yourself. No doubt, we could all use a little encouragement right now, and this story is a lovely dose.

And while you’re at it, think about where fear is keeping you from stepping into your own greatness. Raising brave kids starts with being brave yourself, right? Well, if you’re being totally honest, what’s your “space camp?” Is it starting a new business? Writing a book? Losing 25 pounds? Whatever it is, trust yourself. Channel your inner Zippy. Just take one step, and the next step will reveal itself.

Truly, girlfriend, that dream wouldn’t be on your heart if you didn’t have what it takes to achieve it. Anyone can do anything.

Why not you?

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Feel Like Crying? Me Too.

Posted on April 20, 2020 by Nikki Oden

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When people ask me how I’m doing in quarantine, I tell them I can’t complain. And that’s the absolute truth. From the South Florida sun to food in my fridge to my healthy hubby and kids, I have so very much to be grateful for. I’d venture to say you do, too.

But that doesn’t mean every day is peachy. Heck no. Personally, I find that the weekdays are the worst. Each weekday morning, I summon every ounce of willpower I have from every part of my body and use it to make distance learning fun and interesting for my 6-year-old, who is, at any given moment, throwing himself on the floor and whining about how boring I am. Meanwhile, I’m also fielding periodic interruptions from my seven-year-old, who insists that her math assignment “doesn’t make any sense” (it always does make sense, by the way, and that’s coming from a math-illiterate lawyer), or to announce to her brother and I that she’s not going to distract him from his school work . . . thereby distracting him from his schoolwork with that very announcement.

Once the titillatingly fun part of the day is over and “school” is dismissed, I climb onto my creaky desk stool to log on to my laptop and do some lawyering. Then at 5:30 PM, I stuff my face with cheese, crackers and Chardonnay in between chopping and sautéing dinner or, if it’s my husband’s turn to cook, I do the cheese-cracker-Chardonnay stuffing in front of an HGTV “Love It or List It” marathon. Sometimes I fold laundry in the quiet sanctuary of my bedroom as a treat to myself.

I mean, couldn’t you just swoon?

So yeah, when people ask me how I’m doing in quarantine, you know what else I tell them? I cry a little every day. Every. Single. Day. And you know what else? I’m not ashamed of it.

I cry when my kids don’t listen to me. I cry when I cook something delicious and those little buggers tell me it’s gross. I cry because I have writer’s block and have lost the book-writing momentum I had before this quarantine started. I cry because my business isn’t taking off as quickly as I would like it to. I cry because people keep dying. I cry because I’m touched by people who are beautiful and generous and are doing everything they can to make the world keep turning. I cry because, in general, I feel like I’m failing at everything.

Anyone else feel me?

As moms, we tend to put such intense pressure on ourselves to always keep it “together.” But listen, girlfriend, it’s absolutely ok to cry. Being upset with yourself for crying is kind of like berating yourself for having to pee. And yes, I agree that there’s a time and a place for everything. I don’t walk around blubbering all day and night without regard for my surroundings. I don’t fall to pieces in front of my kids at every turn.

But I don’t hold it in, either. When I need to release the tears, I give myself that release. I vent freely to my best friends and my husband. I don’t care what I sound like or how totally not “together” I seem. I need to get it out.

And so do you.

You must get out your frustration, disappointment and anger. Maybe you do that by giving yourself a good cry in the bathroom. Maybe you scream into your pillow or your husband’s chest. Whatever you do, get it out. If you don’t, you’re only prolonging the inevitable. That emotion will find a way out. Trust me. And by then, it will have festered into a nasty, pus-filled abscess. Do yourself a solid and embrace the cry. It might look ugly for a hot minute but you’ll feel so much better after.

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Remember that you are doing your very best. (Of course you are! You didn’t wake up today plotting all the ways you could be mediocre! Come on). You’re in completely uncharted territory. For the first time, all at the same time, you are a mom, wife, teacher, cook, cleaning lady and general fixer-of-all-situations—and probably also an employee or business owner. You don’t have to be perfect.

So the next time you leave breakfast cooking on the stove and then forget about it until it’s smoking, and run into the kitchen screaming obscenities only to realize your kid is on a Google Meet video conference at the kitchen table with her entire class, give yourself some grace if you burst into tears afterward. You’ll be stronger for it when this is all over.

We’re gonna be ok, girlfriend.

Posted on The Mops Blog: https://blog.mops.org/feel-like-crying?-me-too/

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Things I Appreciate* Because of the Coronavirus Quarantine

Posted on April 3, 2020 by Nikki Oden

Being grateful is one of the keys to getting through this pandemic. Not only is it good for us spiritually, but it’s good for us physically. (There is brain science behind this. Look it up!) As I’ve been settling into my new normal, I’ve become aware of all the the things I’m grateful for right now. I made a list, and am sharing it with you to encourage you to do the same. Here’s what I came up with!

*Obviously, this list doesn’t include things I’m always grateful for, like my family, my health and wine.

The South Florida sun. Previously the bane of my existence due to its frizz-inducing humidity and unrelenting power to make unsightly brown spots appear on even the most tended-to skin, I now love the weather of my native state. It’s warm. Like, deliciously warm. Which means my kids and I can go outside whenever we want in shorts and tank tops and soak up some vitamin D. In another time, I might have downplayed how awesome this weather is so as not to upset my friends in Montana and Wisconsin, but I gotta be real. Being able to chill in a hammock in my backyard whenever I want to is pretty flippin’ great.

Cleaning products that contain chemicals. I used to be sort of green with this. I have a lot of amazing microfiber cloths that clean hard and soft surfaces alike with just water. Beneath my sink you used to be able to find household cleaners that boasted safe, environmentally-friendly solutions. But now? Give me bleach. Give me harsh chemicals. In fact, give me any cleaning agent that is deadly and toxic. If it works to clean up crime scenes, I want it. I’ll never doubt you again.

Appliances. For those of us in South Florida, preparing for a COVID-19 quarantine felt sort of like preparing for a hurricane. In some ways, of course, it’s way worse, with its lack of an end in sight and potential to permanently change the world as we know it. But in at least one huge way, quarantine is way better than a hurricane, because, well, we have electricity. Can you imagine what life would be like right now if you didn’t have a refrigerator? I’ve lived through that, if only for a few days, and trust me, girlfriend, it ain’t pretty.

My backyard. Man, did I used to disregard this lush, beautiful, ginormous backyard as boring, buggy and intolerably warm. Today, I can’t get enough of it. I am so grateful that my kids have a safe place in which to run around, swing, slide, throw a frisbee, kick a ball and shoot each other relentlessly with water guns. I am so grateful that my husband and I have a place to kick back after work to get fresh air, green grass and blue sky with a glass of wine. I love this backyard. I can’t believe I ever wasted a single minute not loving it.

The clutter zones in my house. The mess at every turn gives me something to do in my “down” time. (I dunno, is that just me?) When this is over, there won’t be a junk drawer or linen closet in this house that’s been spared.

Time to cook. I didn’t learn how to cook until I was 28 and divorced. “It’s an important life skill,” I decided, as I enrolled for a four-week long cooking class at my local Publix Aprons store. During that month, I absolutely fell in love. I learned how to deglaze a pan, how to create emulsions and developed serious knife skills.

I also learned that legit cooking takes time. As I got busier with wifey-ness and motherhood, I began to write off cooking as a luxury, for people who have a ton of time or who actually get paid to do it. But these days, I’m rolling in it. I love that I have the time to dice and sauté and that I actually understand what a Maillard reaction is. Bring it, quarantine. I ain’t got nothin’ but time and hunks of meat, baby.

My stockpile of frozen vegetables, fish and potatoes. Although my husband has always been down with me buying frozen salmon and French fries, I think he used to secretly think it was silly that I insisted on buying organic frozen vegetables. In his defense, I hardly ever used them. But I always made sure our freezer was full of them, much to his chagrin. Well! Who’s silly now!

Having breakfast, lunch and dinner with my husband and kids. At best when the world is spinning normally, I have dinner twice a week with all three of these humans at the same time. Except for Sundays, I never ever get to share all three meals with my beautiful family. I am loving that we enjoy every meal together now. Am I running my dishwasher every single day as a result? Yep. But I’ll take it.

Being outside. People who know me well know that, except for anything at all related to tennis, I’m more of an “indoor” girl. I don’t like to sweat unintentionally. I think camping is like, so Blair Witch. And I don’t do dirt and bugs. Typically, I prefer to enjoy life from air-conditioned spaces with outlets and proper seating. I appreciate man-made flooring. But right now, wouldn’t you know it? I crave being outside. I go for a walk with my kids every morning just to see, hear and feel the nature on our street in suburbia. I take deep breaths of fresh air and give thanks to God for the expansion in my lungs. I don’t think I’ll ever again be judgy about the outdoors after this. Heck, maybe I’ll even go camping! (But probably not).

UPS, FedEx and USPS. I seriously don’t know what I’d do without these folks. Yeah, they bring me all the crap I’ve been recklessly ordering online, but you know what else? They make me feel connected to the outside world, at no small risk to themselves. I am beyond grateful for them. They are truly essential.

Disney+, HGTV and Netflix. There is just something so comforting about The Avengers, a solid, dirty reno and reruns of The Office. Am I right?

The thigh-high pile of books I’ve been meaning to read. No joke, that pile looms quite high above the ground. But wahoo! I have time to read those books now! And I’m gonna. For reals. I’m gonna. #leadersarereaders #writersread

My bicycle. Goodness gracious, I love that thing right now. I get fresh air, exercise and family time all rolled into one activity. Why have I been letting that thing collect dust in my garage for so long?

FaceTime. Do you remember back in the day at EPCOT when there was a ride called “Horizons,” about what life would be like in the future? For some reason the scene where people could talk to each other and see each other over video always stuck in my brain as something super cool. When FaceTime became a real thing I was all, “It’s like EPCOT! Remember?! They said!”

I am so grateful today that this technology is commonplace, that it ain’t no thang to connect with our families and friends in real time and real life over video conference. FaceTime play dates have literally transformed my kids from sullen and bored to vibrant and excited again.

Today, even though we are socially “distant,” in some ways, I feel closer than ever to my family and friends. We actually talk now instead of just texting. We make time to see each other, whereas we might have let months go by without if everything was “normal.” It reminds me in a beautiful way that we’re all in this together. We are all connected. And that’s one thing from this quarantine that I hope never goes away.

Now, more than ever, we should be grateful. Focus on what is good in your life. Have an attitude of gratitude, girlfriend. And while you’re at it, drop a comment below to share what you’re thankful for today.

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Creating a Sense of Normalcy When Everything Feels Bonkers

Posted on March 29, 2020 by Nikki Oden

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Is it just me, or does it feel like the world as we know it changes every single day because of this COVID-19 chaos? Within the span of 24 hours, activities that just yesterday had been deemed ok might be banned, or businesses that were allowed to remain open may be forced to close. And while I totally get the precautions, it sort of feels like there’s some all-powerful lifeguard with a big hat and zinc-covered nose who keeps wading into the ocean where the rest of us are trying to enjoy a little sun on our floaties to blow his whistle and scream on the bullhorn, “Nope! No, that’s too far! Bring it back to shore!”

In the meantime, moms everywhere are trying to figure out how to harmonize working from makeshift desks on kitchen or dining room tables with educating their kids, feeding their families creative renditions of tuna fish and keeping their houses from turning into total pigsties. And we’re all doing a lot more dishes and laundry than anyone has ever wanted to do in the history of the world, ever.

(It’s not just me, right? Right?)

As a wife, a mom of two kiddos who are 17 months apart and will just as easily hug and snuggle together as they will plot ways to kill each other, the owner of an online media company and a part-time lawyer, I am in desperate need for some normalcy. In the midst of all this craziness, it’s very tempting to give up. I mean, really, would it be so bad to walk around the house all day in jammies with a perpetually full glass of Chardonnay and just tell everyone else to “figure it out?” (OK, fine. Yes. It probably would be bad).

Believe me, girlfriend, I have had to dig in to find a way to keep my world on its axis, but I’d venture to say that what’s working for me will work for you, too.

Here are five tried and true tips for creating a sense of normalcy in a world of chaos:

1) Make your bed. I know you’re not even leaving the house and you’re just going to get right back into it in a few hours, but there is brain science that connects making your bed to having a great day. (Don’t ask me for supporting sources! Just believe it!) And it literally takes 45 seconds. Even if it’s not something you would “normally” do, try it! If nothing else, seeing your pillows and blankets all perfectly coiffed will put a smile on your face.

2) Create a routine. Humans crave routines. Knowing what to expect creates a sense of order and purpose, even when it feels like the rest of the world has lost their sh*t. To be productive and effective, you cannot be in weekend mode every single day. Set an alarm. Go to bed on time. Eat proper meals. Keep using your Weekly Designer (or whatever planner you’ve been using) and plan out your week. Even if you don’t have all that much to do, plan for and calendar all those things you always said you would do “when” you have time. Surely there’s a junk drawer or linen closet that could use your attention? You might (read: definitely will) have to get creative and give yourself a ton of grace, but I promise you, having a routine will keep you sane.

3) Practice self care, hard. Your new routine most definitely must include time for self care. And when I say time, I mean legit time. I give myself an hour and a half every day. Getting your mind right each day is the only way you’re gonna make it through this quarantine without going straight-up nuts.

I do my self-care routine in the morning, before anyone else in my house is awake. I get peace and quiet and wide open mental space to soak up some power and love before I start my day. That quiet time will look different for everyone, but whatever it looks like, give it to yourself. Meditate. Journal. Pray. Exercise. Be unapologetic about wanting to take care of yourself.

Living as your highest and best self means not trading away your beauty and strength just because you’re stuck in quarantine. It’s ok to still want to feel powerful. Your kiddos are watching everything you do. Show them during this tumultuous and uncertain time that the greatest thing they can do is love themselves by demonstrating that you love yourself.

4) Get dressed. Everyone (including you) will take you more seriously if you aren’t wearing pajamas all day. Now, I’m not saying buttons and zippers are mandatory (although props to you if you’re still rocking stuff that’s “hand wash/line dry”), but wear something you wouldn’t be embarrassed to be caught in while FaceTiming your mother-in-law or your boss.

Getting dressed is the lead domino that will knock down other power-inducing behavior, like brushing your teeth, washing your face and holding your head up just a bit higher. Don’t believe me? Step out of those sweatpants and try it for yourself, girlfriend.

5) Upgrade your five. Today, with fear and limitation spreading faster than the actual coronavirus, it is more important than ever to remember that you are the average of the five people you hang around the most. Be very intentional about who you listen to right now. The energy you allow into your space will make or break you.

Choose people who are contributing to the brightness and expansiveness of life. The podcasts you listen to and news shows you watch matter very much right now. It matters who you allow to vent to you on the phone. Adjust who you’re following on Facebook. Limit the news alerts you receive. And if you need to have a heart-to-heart with your spouse about supporting you in creating healthy energy in your home, do it.

Yes, COVID-19 is very serious. A lot of people are going to lose their livelihoods and their lives, I know. I also know this: attention is everything. God is good, and can work all things together for our good. Let’s surround ourselves with like-minded people and put our attention on the ideal outcome.

And anyway, nothing good will ever come from making up a horror story in your head. Might as well just skip that whole exercise and focus on what you can control: who you listen to and what you believe.

So create your new normal and ride it until this wave dies out. Because it will die out. You got this. Stay strong, girlfriend. This too, shall pass.

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The Working Mama’s Guide to Getting Stuff Done with Kids at Home

Posted on March 20, 2020 by Nikki Oden

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Photo by LinkedIn Sales Navigator on Unsplash

Recently I shared my top 10 tips for entertaining your kids from home without losing your mind. If you missed this wildly popular post, be sure to check it out!

Now, entertaining your kids from home is all fine and dandy if you can participate in the entertainment. But what are you supposed to do if you have to actually work while your kids are home with you? This one is tricky, and has definitely frustrated me more than once in the last few days.

But, as many working mamas have been forced to do of late, I’ve quickly picked up a few tricks. Here are seven ways to work from home with your kiddos:

1) Wake Up Earlier.

In some ways, as we’re settling into this new normal, being at home can sort of feel like a vacation. There doesn’t seem to be any reason to go to bed “on time” because, well, you don’t have to be anywhere the next day. Even I, who normally wakes up at 4:15 am, was at first rolling out of bed whenever I happened to wake up naturally or was rudely awakened by one of my kids. But I quickly remembered that those wee hours of the morning are the quietest and most productive of my day. I meditate, pray and then get to work on anything that requires absolute focus and peace.

So, as irksome as it may seem, get back to setting an alarm. No matter which industry we’re in, most of us have some job tasks (like de-cluttering your email inbox or doing paperwork) that can be completed during non-business hours. You’ll be shocked at how much you can get done when you’re not hearing, “Mom? Mom? Mom!” every five seconds.

2) Create a Schedule.

Humans, especially kids, crave routine. Routine fosters stability and a way to manage expectations. Get dressed in the morning and make sure your kids do the same. Everyone (including you) will take you more seriously if you’re not wearing pajamas all day.

If you’re homeschooling right now, set up a schedule for your kids. Using my Weekly Designer, mine looks something like this:

Depending on your kids’ ages, they’re probably required to read on their own for 20 minutes at a time. My second grader is also required to complete math and language arts lessons online through district programs called iReady and Success Maker. I use those quick bursts of quiet to check emails and respond to anything urgent.

(Tip: If you need help designing your days, check out the YIML Time Optimizing System. Yeah, I got your back, girlfriend).

3) Tune Into an Online Yoga or Fitness Class for Kids.

If your kids are too young to read on their own, try getting their attention with an at-home phys ed class. Cosmic Kids Yoga and Move to Learn have great classes for various age groups on YouTube. The yoga classes are longer than the fitness ones, so keep that in mind when you’re selecting one. For younger kiddos, the yoga classes may be your best bet. They have themes ranging from Old McDonald to Frozen to Trolls. If you play your cards right, you should be able to get 15 to 25 minutes out of this trick.

4) Give Them Free Play, Art Edition.

This one is risky because of the high potential that paint, play doh or slime will permanently end up where it does not belong. I’ve found, however, that covering my countertop in copious amounts of plastic wrap significantly mitigates that risk. If you can give them something structured, like a figurine or a rock to paint, their concentration will likely last longer than it would if you just left them unattended to slap paint, markers or crayons onto paper. I can usually buy myself 20 to 30 uninterrupted minutes with this trick.

Warning: Do NOT leave them alone with glitter. Don’t do it. Glitter is like the herpes of the craft world. You cannot get rid of it. You will find it lurking in remote corners of your home for years to come.

5) Make the Most of Nap Time.

If your kids still nap, this time might be the only time you can squeeze in some work—maybe even a conference call. If you can couple this time with waking up earlier, you should be able to make a meaningful dent in your workload.

6) Allow Them to Watch a Movie.

Sometimes mama’s gotta rely on Disney. Thankfully, there are a ton of great options on the Disney Plus app. Choose something you and your kiddos all find acceptable and give them some popcorn. If you can, set up your work station close enough so you can intervene if they start trying to kill each other. Depending on how old your kids are and how entertaining the movie is, this option should give you at least 45 minutes.

7) Let Them Get on a Device.

It’s not ideal, but when you’ve gotta get something done, it’s your best bet. There are some great educational apps that kids actually enjoy (like PBS Kids, which is always free, and ABC Mouse, which is currently offering free home access with code SCHOOL1686). There are also some awesome educational websites your kids are sure to love, like Seussville or Fun Brain. Or you could let them watch National Geographic Kids or Brain Pop, Jr. on YouTube, or FaceTime with a cousin or a friend. Whatever you decide, just know it’s ok. On some days, in some moments, it’s just about survival. An hour on the iPad when you need to be on call or focus on getting something submitted is truly not the worst thing in the world.

And the MOST important thing for you to remember right now?

You.

Keep taking care of yourself. Exercise. Eat well. Rest. Give yourself a ton of grace. Most employers are, out of necessity, relaxing expectations and requirements. Everyone knows that schools are closed. No mom can be sitting in front of her computer for hours at a stretch while her kids are awake.

Remember that you are already amazing and you’re doing the best you can. Don’t be hard on yourself in this climate. You’re an awesome mom. You don’t have to be perfect, girlfriend.

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How to Entertain Your Kids from Home (Without Losing Your Mind)

Posted on March 17, 2020 by Nikki Oden

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Photo by **Lina Kivaka** from **Pexels**

I consider myself to be an awesome mom. I fully embrace my duty to protect my kids, and harmonize that duty with my obligation to humanity to ensure that they don’t grow up to be jerks.

In alignment with my duty to protect them, I make sure my kiddos (much to their chagrin) don’t eat junk. I insist they wear rash guards in the hot, South Florida sun. I cover them in sunscreen to the point that they look like snowmen (not kidding). When one of them gets angry and starts to throw a tantrum, I remind them that it’s ok to fully experience their feelings (as long as they don’t hurt themselves, others, or my painstakingly-decorated living room). Heartache and disappointment? I’m on it. Boo-boos? I got your back. Second-grade math homework and kindergarten reading? I’m your girl.

But when it comes to entertaining my kids from home, I’m a deer in headlights.

At least, I was, until very recently.

With the outbreak of COVID-19 and public gatherings and schools closing in my county, I, like most moms in the U.S., have been forced to figure out what the heck to do with my kids for the next two weeks. Now, I’m no elementary educator, so if you’re looking for resources on how to teach your kids from home, I’m happy to recommend The Relaxed Homeschool (where you can find free and very affordable paid lesson plans) and Homeschool Pop on YouTube.

To my surprise, being Director of Fun from Home for my kids has been a huge blessing. It’s quickly taught me how to connect with them and share experiences with them that we otherwise might not have had if we weren’t trying to make the most of it without playgrounds, arcades, restaurants and trampoline entertainment centers. And the best part? I haven’t lost my mind yet!

Give it a go. Here are my top 10 tips for entertaining your kids from home:

1) Get Outside.

There is something so cleansing about fresh air. As busy people who live in paradise, my husband and I so often take it for granted. But what an amazing resource it is! Go for a bike ride. Shoot some hoops or hit some tennis balls. Play catch in your yard. Take a run. Build a snowman (not that I’d know anything about that). Connecting with Mother Nature is so good for your soul. Plus, a little Vitamin D never hurt anyone. And bonus: running around outside will likely tire your kids out. Score!

2) Bake Something Yummy.

“No! I don’t want to make delicious chocolate-chip cookies!” said no kid ever. I don’t know about your kids, but mine love to bake. They especially love it if they get to crack an egg. (Anyone else’s kids feel the same?) Grab your favorite recipe and whip up something delish! Not only will you get to teach your kids about measuring and how to follow a recipe (both great life skills), but you’ll also get to eat brownies (or cake or cookies or muffins) when all is said and done. #winning

3) Get Your Game On!

Whatever happened to good old fashioned game night? There’s a reason games like Monopoly, Sorry!, Life, Mouse Trap, Twister, Uno and Operation are still on the market. It’s because they’re still awesome! Let your inner kiddo loose and bust out one of your old favorites. My kids fall over laughing hysterically when I play Twister with them. Add some popcorn to the mix and you’ll be golden.

4) Let Them Help You with Something.

Kids love to feel useful. They especially love it when they feel like they’re being trusted to do something only grown-ups do. Let your kiddos help you wash your car, prepare a meal or even fold and put away laundry. I’m always surprised by the chores and projects my kids want to help me with. Two birds with one stone? Yes, please.

5) Get Crafty!

You don’t have to be artsy to pull this one off. Dust off that pencil box full of crayons and whip out the glue, scissors and construction paper. Bonus if you have stickers, pom poms or pipe cleaners. And if you’re feeling really sassy, add some glitter to the mix. Pick a theme and get to creating. Have beads and string? Make jewelry. Go nuts! You might find that you enjoy this one more than your kids!

6) Take a Museum or Park Tour—Virtually.

Some super famous museums offer virtual tours. Of the more renowned sites on this list are the Smithsonian Museum of Natural History, The Louvre and the Guggenheim Museum. You can even take a virtual tour of Yellowstone National Park. Who knew?

7) Read Together.

If your kiddos can read on their own, pick some quiet time to sit on the couch together and read your own books. (I recommend reading an actual book versus one on a device if you can). If your kids are too young to read by themselves, read to them. Reading with your kids is so important. Not only is it great bonding time, but it’s vital for their education. I remind my kids all the time that literally everything they want to do in life (including playing Minecraft) requires them to read. Might as well get good at it!

8) Channel Your Inner Green Goddess.

Teach your kids about nature by doing some work in your own yard. Pull weeds or water the plants. You could even do an experiment and plant seeds from fruit you have in your own kitchen. Boom! Science lesson.

9) Make Stuff Out of Paper.

I don’t know why, but kids love this stuff. Paper airplanes, paper boats (that actually float in water) and fortune tellers are top in my house. Don’t know how to make any of these things? No problem. There is no shortage of tutorials on YouTube just waiting to instruct you.

10) Teach Them the Games You Played as a Kid.

Mansion Apartment Shack House (M.A.S.H.). Rock, paper, scissors. Hopscotch. Miss Mary Mack. Remember those? They were endlessly entertaining for us when we were little and they still are today. Plus they’re totally free! A quick Google search will refresh your recollection if you’ve forgotten any of the lyrics or rules. And enjoy the trip down memory lane! It’s sure to make you smile.

What fun tricks do you use to entertain your kids from home? Share in the comments below!

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