Meditation, Mindfulness and All that Mumbo Jumbo: A Guest Post from the Peaceful Mamas

Wow! My first guest bloggers, Peaceful Mamas Natalie Sager and Lindsay Ambrose. I won’t try to hide my excitement. Now, as I may have mentioned once or twice, I’m not exactly sure how all of this works. (Am I supposed to write an intro? Am I not? Does it matter?). Thus, in true “Nikki” fashion, I’ve decided to simply create what I want to experience.

So. Imma take a moment to give you some back story.

I met Natalie in 2011 at a pilates studio. I had signed up for a private lesson at an un-Godly hour of the morning–no doubt so I could make it to my grueling lawyer job in downtown Fort Lauderdale at a decent hour and begin billing clients to meet my ever-pressing billable hour requirement. As soon as I walked in I noticed she was pregnant, and I immediately felt connected to her because I’d just learned the day before that I was pregnant too. As women who exercise for a living often are, she was adorable and fit everywhere except for her little belly bump.

“Look how cute you are!” I’d said out loud. “You’re pregnant!”

She had laughed warmly. “Yes, I am.”

“So am I,” I had blurted out. I hadn’t even told my parents yet. Can you believe that? Natalie, who at the time was a total stranger to me, was the first person I told I was expecting my first child.

Today it’s such a thrill to see Natalie, now a mother of two boys, totally embrace who she is as a mama and step into her greatness. Together with her co-author, Lindsay, she has embarked on a mission to change the world by empowering other moms. In fact, they wrote the book on motherhood–literally. They’re even launching a podcast, and guess who’s appearing as a guest in one of their episodes? (Yep. Me!) And they definitely know a thing or two about mindfulness, which is one of the many reasons I wanted to highlight their work.

Check them out on Amazon and stay tuned for more info on the podcast. Enjoy their post!

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Meditation, Mindfulness and all the Mumbo Jumbo

We’ve noticed that we’re much more productive, peaceful and centered when we intentionally connect to our higher self.

What does it mean to connect to my higher self?

Well, it’s kind of personal. Meaning it’s a unique connection with yourself and varies incredibly from person to person. Some people are super spiritual, some people roll their eyes at the word spiritual, and then there are the people in between.

Regardless of where you are personally on your path to peace, we would love to help you create time, space and an attainable way to add Mantras, Meditation, Mindfulness and all the Mumbo Jumbo into your daily or weekly practice.

As previously mentioned, your connection to your higher self and source/creation/grace/God/Universe is entirely private. No judgements, no explanations needed, no rules and no expectations. We often shy away from practicing meditation because we are afraid we’re not doing it correctly.

There is no right or wrong way to meditate and connect. It’s your way. However you feel comfortable and heart-centered is the right way.

Here are a few ideas for how to connect

1. Mantra
A mantra actually translates to mind release. So, it’s a way for your monkey mind (the chatter in your head) to release (if only briefly). So, what mantra could you repeat to help your mind release?

Below are some examples you can include in your practice. Try sitting on a pillow with your back straight, spine aligned, breathing deeply in for 4 seconds, holding your breath for 4 seconds, releasing your breath for 4 seconds. All while repeating one of these Mantras.

  • I trust, I believe, I digest life with ease
  • Breathe in peace and release
  • Let it go, go with the flow
  • I receive because I believe
  • I am optimally health
  • I am at peace with my body
  • Peace begins within me
  • Breathing in peace, breathing out love
  • I am love, I am kindness, I am peace

Try out this Peace Begins Within guided meditation

Meditation

Meditation is a tool to help you ground, center, and connect to your higher self. It has been said that praying is talking to God and meditating is listening for the answers.

So, all you need for meditation is patience and open mindedness. You can meditate at the beach, in bed, on a pillow, in a parked car, at your desk, in the shower or bath…you get the picture.

We sometimes think of meditation only as sitting on a mat. We can practice it at any time though, this is called walking meditation.It can be 2 minutes or 2 hours. Whatever is realistic for you.

Apply the same principles above, but with no mantra. Just focusing on your breath and allowing the thoughts in your head to naturally float by with no judgement. Notice the thoughts and then visualize them passing by on a cloud.

Try out an app like Insight Timer to choose music and sounds for your meditation or even try a guided one.

3.  Mindfulness

The practice of mindfulness in very simple terms, is about paying attention to what’s going on in this exact moment it’s happening. You can mindfully chew your food, paying attention to the taste, flavor and texture. Noticing how your jaw moves up and down and your teeth grind the food into a near liquid before swallowing. You can mindfully walk to the mailbox to get your mail paying attention to how you place your foot on the ground with each step you take. Noticing the sounds, smells, and feelings around you. For a free mindfulness exercise go to 

4. Mumbo jumbo

Mumbo jumbo is only what you perceive. If you perceive everything above as nonsense then that is how it will be reflected to you. If you use the above suggestions as tools to bring yourself to consciousness, you’ll feel the greater presence and centeredness from doing so.

Check out this loving kindness mediation 

The benefits from practice may not be in the actual practice but later on in the day

It’s not so much about the actual mantra, meditation, or mindfulness practice where you experience the positive results. It’s doing these practices proactively that help us later on and we respond differently, with more calm.

When something happens that boils you up, as is natural to happen. It’s not perfect all the time. We can choose to respond differently.

We can create some space between what’s happening around us and how we respond. We can feel what we feel and then return to our own inner peace. We can return to the love, joy, wisdom, and peace that is within us.

Mantras, meditation, and mindfulness are a few amazing ways to connect to our soul, spirit, true self or higher self.

For more ways to connect within, so you can show up in parenting and life as you desire, check out PeacefulMamas.com

How to Be a Time-Management Ninja

I was scanning my mess of an email inbox recently when a message caught my eye. HELP! BoxTop volunteers needed this Wednesday!, I read.  Out of curiosity, I clicked on the message and saw the latest, urgent plea from our PTA fundraising coordinator.  This time she was asking (begging?) for volunteers to come help her and a few other moms painstakingly sort and bag BoxTops to redeem at ten cents a pop to raise money for my daughter’s elementary school.  From the sounds of the email, she had literally hundreds—maybe thousands—to sort through. On some weird level, I felt a twinge of envy at the thought of having enough margin in my day to dedicate to sorting and bagging BoxTops.  God bless those women.  I shook my head instead and pressed delete.  “Ain’t nobody got time for that,” I muttered to myself.

I always crack up when I hear that phrase.  It reminds me of the viral YouTube video Daniel Tosh aired on his show once of a woman named Sweet Brown who was being interviewed about an apartment fire.  She made the hilarious, now iconic, statement when describing the effects of the smoke inhalation.  “I got bronchitis,” she lamented.  “Ain’t nobody got time for that!”

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The funniest things are often true, aren’t they?  As a mom, I know I’m not alone in sometimes feeling like I don’t have enough hours in the day.   I’ve discovered recently, however, that telling yourself you don’t have time for something is nothing more than a limiting belief.  Don’t give me the judge-y eyebrows!  It’s a true statement.  Not convinced?  OK, allow me to back up and start with something easier.  Raise your hand if you have a maximum of 24 hours in a day.

Oh, look at that!  We’re all raising our hands.

You, me, the President—we all have the exact same number of seconds, minutes and hours to work with each day.  That’s a universal truth we can all agree on, yes?  So what’s our deal?  Why do some women seemingly always have time to exercise, serve their families home-cooked meals, volunteer, work and straighten their hair, while others . . . don’t?   Do those fit, working, cooking, volunteering, smooth-haired women have time turners?

Nope.  That’s just the limiting belief rearing its head.  Truth?

When we say we don’t have time for something, what we’re really saying is, “I choose not to make that a priority.”  It really is that simple.  It’s a choice.  Time invested in one area is time away from another.

Makes sense, right?  None of us can be in two places at once (unless, of course, Dumbledore did indeed give you a time turner).  Once we understand that we get to decide what we make a priority in our lives, we can take command of our schedules from a place of power.

And a little game plan never hurt anyone, right?  Check out my top 3 tips for getting the most bang for your buck—er, minute—every day:

Tip #1:  Time Block.

Did reading that just make your brain hurt?  Stay with me.  I promise this habit isn’t painful.  Although “time blocking” sounds rigid and camp-counselor-clipboardy, it’s actually quite freeing.

To begin, I intentionally sit down with myself once a week, usually on Sunday evenings, and do a complete mental dump.  There’s nothing fancy or structured about it.  I take out a spiral notebook, put pen to paper, and write down everything that’s on my mind.  And when I say everything, I mean eh-vry-thin-guh.  Texts I have to respond to or send.  Grocery shopping.  Books I want to read.  Appointments I need to make.  Items I signed up to provide for the PTA or my kiddos’ classrooms.  Little things that are weighing on me—sometimes I’ll literally write, “Figure out how to accomplish X.”  I just write and write until I feel still.  What I’m left with is a very relevant to-do list that will guide how I spend my time—and what will go in my time blocks—during the upcoming week.

The key to effective time blocking is being crystal clear on your priorities—your “big rocks,” as the metaphor goes.

Knowing mine, I’m able to quickly go back through the mental-dump list and put an “A” next to the items I must do. “A” tasks, as a prerequisite, must be lead dominoes that, once accomplished, will knock down all the other dominoes in their rows.  I put a “B” next to the items I should do and a “C” next to the items I’d merely like to do.*

From there, the time blocking is simple.  The “A” tasks go onto my calendar first.  Then the “B” where there’s room, and then the “C.”  Do all of the “C” tasks make it on to the calendar every week?  Nope, and I don’t sweat it.  They’ll be there next week.  Bonus?  If I get some margin in my day, I know exactly how to fill it.

Still wondering how you’ll make time to get your squat on and serve your family home-cooked meals?  You may want to seriously consider outsourcing.

Tip # 2:  Only Give Your Best Yes.

In other words, only commit your time if you’ll be making the best use of your gifts.  Sorting through BoxTops?  Not my best yes.  That’s why I said no.  OK, fine, I did what most people do and I didn’t respond. But by (essentially) saying no, I allowed someone else to give her best yes.

Take my neighbor and dear friend, Lara.  She’s a BoxTop-sorting ninja.  She can also throw a party that would rival anything (and I do mean anything) you could ever find on Food Network or HGTV combined, and she can actually enjoy herself as hordes of people traipse through her house, probably spilling wine and definitely dropping crumbs everywhere as they nosh on delicious morsels from the menu she created.

Clearly, she and I have different strengths.  By saying yes to our strengths and no to everything else, we each add value to the world in distinct but necessary ways.  And more importantly, instead of being mediocre at everything and making a merely neutral impact, we are laser-focused on our wheel houses and make very powerful, positive impacts.

I do have one exception to the Best Yes Rule, and it applies when you want to get better at something and make an unknown part of your known.  You mos’ def’ can’t grow inside your comfort zone, and time spent getting uncomfortable to become a better version of yourself is always time well-spent.  Always.

Tip # 3: Don’t React.

This, my friends, is where stuff gets real.  I react way more often than I’d like to admit.  I’ll be sitting in my home office, serenely getting ready to start the tasks I’ve time blocked for that precise moment.  I’m relaxed in the knowledge that I’m powerful, blessed,  anointed, ready to create—squirrel!  Uh oh.  My iPhone just notified me that I have a text.  What do I do now?

In that moment, I can choose to stay in my place of power, not react, and honor my time block.

Or I can allow my iPhone to dictate my next move.  In other words, I can react to the text and respond.  And if I do that, you know what’s going to happen next.  I’m going to get sucked into a vortex of distraction that will likely end with me scrolling through Facebook and wondering how the heck I ended up there.  And worst of all, I’ll have made marginal, if any, progress on the task I promised myself I would tackle in that time!

My rec?  Remember who’s boss.  (Um, that’d be you).  You are the director of your attention.  Step into your power and decide how you spend your day.  Be intentional with the time you’ve guarded on your calendar.  I’m pretty sure you don’t have any calendar entries entitled, “Play on social media” or “Get sucked into mass family texting,” so hold yourself accountable for that time and do what you said you were going to do.

And if you need some assistance, you’re in luck.  There’s this awesome little feature on all phones called “Do Not Disturb” and it is legit.  You can even customize it so that your phone will still ring if one of your “Favorite” contacts is trying to call you.  I have both my kids’ schools saved as Favorites, and I feel secure knowing that if some other kid whacks mine in the head with a Badminton racquet I’ll still find out about it even when I’m in Do Not Disturb mode.

No excuses!  Turn that sucker on, flip your phone face down and create before you consume.

All doable, right?  Give me a shout!  I’d love to hear how these tips work for you.  Email me at nikki@livingthephoenixdiaries.com.

*I can’t take all the credit for this ingenious system.  I learned a lot of how to manage my time from using the Living Well Spending Less Planner.

Getting Off the Hot Mess Express

It wasn’t the worst morning I’d ever had trying to get the kids dressed, fed and out the door on time while simultaneously trying to do the same for myself.  But it was one in which I had built in zero margin for error.  And with my husband traveling, such reckless abandon was, in hindsight, unadvisable.

It was all going fairly smoothly until it was time to actually leave.  The minute at which our Honda Odyssey tires must be rolling backwards down our driveway is inflexible; the bus pulls up to the stop to collect all of the neighborhood elementary school kids, including my daughter, at precisely 7:31 am.

Seven twenty-eight a.m. found me frantically pulling a wet-to-dry flat iron through my damp, poufy hair and yelling in the general vicinity of the first floor, “Socks and shoes on!”

“Okay!” My six-year-old daughter called back.  And then shortly thereafter I heard my son.  “I can’t find my shoes!”

Of course.  Right?  You saw that coming.

By now I was bounding down the stairs, simultaneously devising Plan B.  I knew we had a hand-me-down pair of sneakers in our shoe basket by the door and grabbed those, which, you guessed it, he scowled at and firmly announced his disapproval.  It was now 7:30 am and I ordered him tersely into the van. I threw the shoes in the back, figuring we’d just put them on when we arrived at his pre-school.

I got my daughter to the bus stop at the exact moment the bus was pulling up and barely slowed down enough to open the door for her to hop out.  (Side note:  I gotta say, as not cool as I am now that I legit drive a minivan, I totes love the automatic door feature).  And then we were on our way!  On time!  I felt I had avoided a crisis.

Alas, I didn’t get off so easily.

When we arrived at my son’s pre-school I cheerily advised him that it was time to put on his super-cool “other” shoes.  He promptly reminded me, “I don’t like those shoes!” (Just picture furrowed brows and clenched fists and a super adorable pout notwithstanding the brows and the fists).

“Well, we don’t have a choice,” I told him calmly.  “You can’t go barefoot, can you?”  I helped him put on the shoes and felt a familiar wave of guilt rush over me.  They were a tad snug.

“Mom, they don’t fit!”

“Yes, they do,” I insisted, loosening the Velcro.

“I can’t wiggle my toes!” he wailed.

“Well, I can’t either,” I said lamely, glancing down at my four-inch, leopard print pumps.  Totally not the same thing, I know.

The biting truth about this moment in which I found myself shoving my four-year-old’s size 11 foot into size 10 shoes because the sneakers that fit him properly were nowhere to be found when we (read: I, while barking out orders and balancing coffee, water, and protein shake in one arm) were rushing out the door is that it was totally my fault.  It was the culmination of one simple thing: unpreparedness.

Unpreparedness, my friends, is the number one culprit of all so-called “mom fails.”  Think about it.  If you had laid out your outfit the night before, down to the accessories; if you had the coffee ground and waiting to be brewed in the coffee maker the next morning; if you had lunches packed and shoes laid out, wouldn’t you be less likely to experience the one thing the next morning that will inevitably go wrong and lead to at least four other things going wrong in succession?

Oh yeah.  You betcha.

Like King Solomon in the book of Ecclesiastes, I’m here to encourage you to learn from my mistakes without having to make them yourself.  Plus, a day of not berating ourselves for what we coulda, woulda, shoulda sounds peachy, yes?

It’s so simple, really.  If the bane of our existence as mothers is unpreparedness, then the solution, of course, is to be prepared.  

I promise you this isn’t rocket science (which, candidly, I know nothing about but it seems really, really complicated).  Getting off the Hot Mess Express and getting on the road to designing a life you love can begin with an act as simple as choosing your outfit the night before.  Being prepared is so simple when we choose it. We just have to be on purpose about it.

Plus, you already took the first step when you started taking back your time. Compound that by choosing preparedness, girlfriend.

Next stop: taming the morning whirlwind!


Are you on this bandwagon yet? Get on it, girl!

You Can Do Hard Things

strong is beautifulI hate running.  It’s always seemed so pointless to me. I mean, why run just to run, without a destination or an identified purpose?   Unless someone is chasing you, it just seems so unnecessarily strenuous.  

But you can’t grow by staying inside your comfort zone. I understand that undeniable truth, and when an opportunity arises, I find myself jumping into experiences that I know will stretch me beyond my known limits. You don’t know what you don’t know, as the saying goes. I say, you don’t know what you don’t know until you do. And you can only know what’s unknown by trying new things, right?

So that’s why, even though I hate to run and even though I was straight-up terrified of the many (many) pull-ups, pushups, burpees and squats that I knew awaited me, I begrudgingly signed up for an insane fitness challenge that I had once scoffed at as being inhumane and agreed to forego wine and coffee (among life’s other delights) for four weeks in the name of fitness. The program consisted of a strict Paleo diet that made me wince at first glance (what do you mean, no hummus?!) and a workout regimen that had me doing handstand pushups on Saturdays.  (To answer your question, yes, I modified them).  Anytime I had a serving of alcohol I would have to run a mile.  And did I mention that the four weeks encompassed Mother’s Day, the most glorious of all days to eat brunch?  Yet I dove in anyway, jitterbugs be damned.  My goal was not to lose weight or inches, although I lost plenty of both. It wasn’t even to win. It was just to finish the challenge and give it my all so that I would know: can I? Can I do it? Spoiler alert:  yes, I can!

And as growth opportunities often do, this journey changed my life.

Not only did I make an amazing, life-long friend in Samantha, the partner to whom I was randomly assigned, I became physically stronger, mentally tougher, grittier and more resilient than I believed was possible. I can like, totally do a real pushup now. Running ain’t no thing anymore. I kicked caffeine for good. I am now a Paleo ninja.  Oh, and Sam and I came in first place at the end of the 4 weeks, which was pretty cool too.

The moral? Crushing a goal is dirty, hard work. It’s sweaty and gross. It’s painful and challenging and, in my case, can bring you to your knees gasping for air, or leave you face down on a trodden gym floor trying not to cry as you force yourself up for burpee number 15 of 22. But it’s also where you learn the nooks and crannies of who you are and who you’re becoming. It’s where the magic happens.

So, what’s your “insane fitness challenge?”  You know—that thing in the periphery that you think you could never do but would secretly love to give a shot?  Do you want to publish a book?  Open a bakery?  Start a home-based business?  Lose 25 pounds?   And who might you be at the end of that journey?  Might you be stronger?  More resilient?  More willing to give yourself experiences that fortify your self-belief?

We all know what quitting feels like. Challenge yourself to taste what it would be like to try something new and finish what you start, and finish strong.  


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Living The Phoenix Diaries

I realized recently that I love people.  I especially love my fellow mom.  You’ve seen her.  She’s beautifully messy and has a giant inside of her that she doesn’t know how to unleash.  She has gifts but hasn’t figured out how to harness them.  She’s powerful but not empowered.  And she’s got serious heart.  A girl boss in the making.  These women are dear to me because I consider myself to be one, if only just a few life, mindset and self-discovery experiences further along on the path.  I know what it’s like to fall on your face and start over, and what it’s like to succeed and then reinvent yourself anyway.  I like to think of myself as a phoenix.  I rise up.

I’m not one who stays inside her comfort zone, and I’ll be unapologetic about encouraging you to step outside of yours.  True statement:  growth and comfort are mutually exclusive.  That’s why, despite having literally no idea what I’m doing, I started this blog. I wanted to create a place dedicated to grit, determination and resilience.  So I did, and Living the Phoenix Diaries was born.  Through this blog, I loudly celebrate unwavering faith.  I put attention on the absolute truth that we can create what we want to experience in life, love and work.

I’ve never been a blogger before.  But I guess I wasn’t a lawyer until I was, and I wasn’t a mom until I was.  No one is anything until they are, right?  So, here I am:  declaring myself a blogger extraordinaire.  Now, don’t get me wrong.  I’m no technological expert.  I didn’t even know what a plug-in was until a few weeks ago (but I was unabashed about finding out from some younger, techier folk)!  But I do know a lot about living intentionally and that, no matter where you are today, you can design a life you absolutely love.  And you know what?  It’s not all that complicated.  Living your dream life can begin with an act as simple as planning tomorrow’s outfit the night before.

Life is beautiful and fleeting and I don’t want to waste any of it playing small.  I won’t lie—as I was deciding to launch this thing there was a voice in my head whispering, “Why would anyone want to read what you have to write?” Terrified on some level that the voice could be right, I thought, Maybe they won’t.  And then, remembering that I’m a phoenix, I smiled, squared my shoulders and thought, But maybe they will.  Maybe the dozens of real lives I’ve already helped change through my light, my leadership and my love give me some street cred.

One thing’s for sure.  I am fierce, passionate and powerful beyond measure.  And I am obsessed with helping others believe the same about themselves.  (OK, maybe that was like, four things).

Welcome to Living the Phoenix Diaries.  I invite you to rise up.