I’m dying.  Or maybe I’m dead.  I just got off of a one-on-one Zoom call with Gigi Fernandez.  You know—the tennis legend?  She’s won 17 Grand Slams in doubles.  You’ve heard of Wimbledon, right? Yeah, that’s a Grand Slam and she’s won it four times. And even if you’re not a tennis follower, surely you’ve heard of the Olympics?  Well she’s won the Gold medal in doubles for the United States twice, back-to-back.

In other words, she’s freaking incredible at doubles.

And who just got to pick her brain about grit, determination and resilience?  ME!  I. Am.  Dying.  (Did I already say that?)

Certainly you must be bursting to know how I created this amazing opportunity. Well, don’t you worry because I’m about to give you every detail.  As I may have mentioned once or twice, I love tennis.  Like, a lot.  I love talking about it, reading about it, playing it.  I even love watching other people play it, and not just professionals.  Shawn always chuckles when he catches me staring at random strangers hitting a ball back and forth on courts along our favorite bike path in Sanibel Island.  “You’re a student of the game,” he says.

That I am.  So when I got an email from a blogger I follow informing me that Gigi was offering a tennis camp just three hours from my home, I was like, Of course I’m doing that.   And by the way, if picking up a tennis racquet is something you do at all, you too need to enroll in this camp. I’m not kidding.  It’s worth every penny.  Eh-vuh-ree penny!  And if you never plan to pick up a tennis racquet as long as you live, keep reading.  Tennis camp, as it turns out, is full of life lessons, and so is Gigi Fernandez.

The whole thing couldn’t have come together any more perfectly if I had written it myself.  Perhaps I would have enrolled in the tennis camp no matter who was teaching it, but the reality is that I created an experience in which I got to learn from a woman who is acutely aware of her power and harnesses it at will, and that was nothing short of amazing.  Gigi is a true phoenix.

The camp was chock full of powerful, applicable lessons on doubles strategy, positioning and technique, taught both on and off the court. During some of the on-court moments my You-Can’t Monster made a brief appearance and reminded me that, objectively and on paper, I was the least-skilled player of the eight of us who were in the camp.  “I’m also the youngest,” I told her snidely, and after reminding her who’s daughter I am, returned my attention to the bright yellow ball that was flying towards me.  After that, I didn’t let her get a word in.  I had come there to learn from a legend, after all.  I wasn’t going to waste another minute of my time stewing on just how much I have to learn.

And anyway, being far from where you want to be doesn’t mean you aren’t great at what you do.  Greatness is a choice.  It seems to me that perhaps no one understands this better than Gigi Fernandez.  It was exhilarating to be in the close presence of someone who has chosen greatness over and over again:  as a world-famous tennis player, a wife, a mother, and now, as a woman on a mission to impart the wisdom she’s gathered from her life’s work to ordinary people like you and me.

I consider it a huge honor to be able to share with you the top three tips I got from Gigi, and they apply both in tennis and in life.

Number 1:  Act like you’re having fun (even if you’re not).

During one of our “classroom” moments at camp, Gigi recounted a time early in her career at the U.S. Open when she was not having fun.  In fact, she had already made up her mind that this was going to be her last Grand Slam.  She was quitting tennis as soon as it was over and heading back to Puerto Rico to “get married and have babies.”  Before actually carrying out this diabolical plan, however, she had the sense to employ the advice of a brilliant sports psychologist with whom she’d just begun working.  “Act like you’re having fun,” he’d told her.  “Even if you’re not.”

Gigi relayed that at first this advice seemed absurd to her.  How do you act like you’re having fun when you’re not?  But she tried it, albeit begrudgingly at first. After each match she won in the tournament, he would ask her, “Are you having fun?”

“No, I’m not having fun!” she would respond.  “I’m stressed!”

But wouldn’t you know it?  As she continued to pretend she was having fun, she continued to win her matches.  And at the very end, she’d won the whole damn tournament.  By then, of course, she was having a blast.

I love that story, because it’s so relatable to our everyday lives.  Where in your life could you be acting like you’re having fun, even if you’re not?  When you’re losing the match?  When your kids are making you nuts?  When the weight-loss journey is grueling and difficult?  When the obstacles between you and your dreams keep popping up like land mines?

As much as you want to throw yourself on the ground and kick and scream (or is that just me?), try pretending instead that you’re having fun.  I’m not saying you shouldn’t allow yourself to experience anger and frustration.  To the contrary, you absolutely should, because those creations will find their way out one way or another and you know it will be at the most embarrassing or inconvenient time.  Haven’t you ever burst into tears at work or at the grocery store?  (Or again, is that just me?)

What I am saying is, from a place of awareness of your feelings, choose to have fun.

You’ll feel like a big phony at first.  You may even feel ridiculous.  You definitely won’t feel like you’re having fun.  Until suddenly,you do.  And that, my friends, is where the magic happens.  How much easier do you think it is to play full out; to referee arguments between your kids; to keep going even when the scale is telling you a different story; to step over land mines—when you’re having fun?

Uh, you probably don’t need to guess.  It’s a lot easier.  But it goes beyond that.  Where would we all be if Gigi hadn’t employed this advice all those years ago?  What if she had indeed quit tennis?  It’s profound to think of all the people she would never have inspired, the records she would never have set. The lives she would never have touched.  That same thought is true for you, too.  What if you’re holding yourself back from your destiny?  What if harnessing your power is on the other side of making that simple switch to acting like you’re having fun, even when you’re not?  You cannot forget, even in those hard moments, that you are destined for greatness.  Rise up and claim it, girlie.

Number 2:  Talk to yourself. 

(Wahoo!  Got that one down).  But by that she means talk to yourself the way you would talk to someone you love.  Encourage yourself.  Pump yourself up.  This tip is particularly effective whenever you’re required to perform, whether it’s during a tennis match, presenting at a board meeting or throwing a big dinner party.  Ideally you would talk to yourself in your head and not out loud if you’re amongst strangers, but if you need to take a mutter under your breath, go for it.  When I’m at the gym, I encourage myself loudly.  I’m pretty sure my fellow HEWmans can hear me, but I don’t care.  How else am I supposed to do a pull-up?

My go-to is, “You got this.”  Sometimes I’ll throw in a, “Yes you can,” which is in direct response to the voice in my head that just said, “I can’t do this.”  Often I’ll add a physical element to my self-talk too.  I’ll give myself a double thump over the heart, gansta style, or I’ll lightly slap the outside of my thigh, like I’m trying to giddyup a horse.  Gigi tells herself, “You can do it.”

And guess what, girlfriend?  YOU. CAN.

Number 3:  Remember that the goal should not be to win.

I know this seems counterintuitive.  Isn’t that everyone’s ultimate goal:  to win?  Historically, it certainly has been mine.  But after speaking to Gigi, it seems to me that losing your death grip on the win is how you crush a huge, terrifying goal—like starting a new business, leaving a toxic marriage, winning Wimbledon, whatever—without becoming paralyzed by the weight of its importance.  As Gigi explains, winning is simply the culmination of everything you did leading up to that moment.  It’s a result of consistent effort, day in and day out.  Winning happens at the end.           

In other words?  “Detach from the outcome,” she says. Commit to the process.  Focus on being excellent at the elements that comprise the win.  In tennis, that might mean moving your feet, watching the ball, transferring your weight forward or keeping your tossing arm up on your serve.  In life, it could mean waking up early to dedicate the first 30 minutes of every day to honing your craft, devising that business plan or sweating your face off during another intense training session. Releasing the result and committing to the process without fail, even when no one is watching, is how you get the win.

So don’t be afraid of your giant dreams.  After all, when the goal is not to win, there’s no need to feel overwhelmed.  Take it one point at a time.  When you do that often enough, with enough consistency, the win is inevitable.

The greatest lesson I learned from Gigi was completely unspoken.  Quite simply, she showed me what I am capable of.  You would be amazed at what you can do when you believe you cannot fail.  I experienced this phenomenon in the final minutes of the camp, when I created the tennis experience of a lifetime and (squeal!) got to play doubles with Gigi Fernandez.  With Gigi as my partner, I knew we could not lose.   I simply knew it as fact, the way I know my eyes are brown and the sky is blue.

From that place of knowledge and belief, I accessed a power within me that I can honestly say I’ve only tapped into a handful of times.  I went for it on my serve.  I was aggressive with my ground strokes.  I emphatically won us a point on a backhand put-away volley.  In other words, because I believed we would dominate, I behaved like a dominator.  And, here’s the kicker:  it worked.

Where in your life could this be true for you?  Where do you find yourself waiting for a “Gigi” to step onto the court alongside you before you’ll access the power you already have? What if instead, you just decided to believe in yourself the way I did that one time at tennis camp?  Do you think you could do hard things?  Tackle big, hairy, audacious goals?

Oh yeah, girlfriend.  You betcha.  And the results?  They’ll.  Be.  Amazing.

As I promised you when I launched this blog, I will be unapologetic about encouraging you to get out of your comfort zone.  You are a phoenix, after all.  So what are you waiting for?  Go after it.  Play full out.  And while you’re at it, let me know how it goes.

Oh, and be sure to check out what Gigi has to offer.  It will definitely change your game, and if you’re open to it, it might just change your life.

If you happen to be a total tennis geek like me and enjoy watching random strangers (except for Gigi, of course, who’s famous) playing tennis, check out this video of me accessing my inner warrior as Gigi’s doubles partner. Shout out to Julie for capturing the moment!

---

Are you designing ideal? Click here to receive YIML blog posts straight to your inbox!

I hate running.  It’s always seemed so pointless to me. I mean, why run just to run, without a destination or an identified purpose?   Unless someone is chasing you, it just seems so unnecessarily strenuous.  

But you can’t grow by staying inside your comfort zone. I understand that undeniable truth, and when an opportunity arises, I find myself jumping into experiences that I know will stretch me beyond my known limits. You don’t know what you don’t know, as the saying goes. I say, you don’t know what you don’t know until you do. And you can only know what’s unknown by trying new things, right?

So that’s why, even though I hate to run and even though I was straight-up terrified of the many (many) pull-ups, pushups, burpees and squats that I knew awaited me, I begrudgingly signed up for an insane fitness challenge that I had once scoffed at as being inhumane and agreed to forego wine and coffee (among life’s other delights) for four weeks in the name of fitness. The program consisted of a strict Paleo diet that made me wince at first glance (what do you mean, no hummus?!) and a workout regimen that had me doing handstand pushups on Saturdays.  (To answer your question, yes, I modified them).  Anytime I had a serving of alcohol I would have to run a mile.  And did I mention that the four weeks encompassed Mother’s Day, the most glorious of all days to eat brunch?  Yet I dove in anyway, jitterbugs be damned.  My goal was not to lose weight or inches, although I lost plenty of both. It wasn’t even to win. It was just to finish the challenge and give it my all so that I would know: can I? Can I do it? Spoiler alert:  yes, I can!

And as growth opportunities often do, this journey changed my life.

Not only did I make an amazing, life-long friend in Samantha, the partner to whom I was randomly assigned, I became physically stronger, mentally tougher, grittier and more resilient than I believed was possible. I can like, totally do a real pushup now. Running ain’t no thing anymore. I kicked caffeine for good. I am now a Paleo ninja.  Oh, and Sam and I came in first place at the end of the 4 weeks, which was pretty cool too.

The moral? Crushing a goal is dirty, hard work. It’s sweaty and gross. It’s painful and challenging and, in my case, can bring you to your knees gasping for air, or leave you face down on a trodden gym floor trying not to cry as you force yourself up for burpee number 15 of 22. But it’s also where you learn the nooks and crannies of who you are and who you’re becoming. It’s where the magic happens.

So, what’s your “insane fitness challenge?”  You know—that thing in the periphery that you think you could never do but would secretly love to give a shot?  Do you want to publish a book?  Open a bakery?  Start a home-based business?  Lose 25 pounds?   And who might you be at the end of that journey?  Might you be stronger?  More resilient?  More willing to give yourself experiences that fortify your self-belief?

We all know what quitting feels like. Challenge yourself to taste what it would be like to try something new and finish what you start, and finish strong.  

---

Have you taken the Mom Life Challenge yet?

Join hundreds of other moms and start taking back your time and getting more of what you want!