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Have you ever been totally rocking something—like you were showing up every day, doing the work, looking in the mirror saying “Consistency is my middle name!”—and then completely fallen off the wagon?  

Maybe for you it was eating well and exercising as you worked toward a weight loss goal.  Perhaps you were on a meditation streak, or you were honoring your morning routine and faithfully making time just for you.  

In my case, it was all of those things, because I had consistently been time blocking my weeks and owning my days.  

And then suddenly, I wasn’t.  

It happened so slowly that even now, as I deliberately reflect on what went wrong, I can’t pinpoint when it began.  One day I noticed that I wasn’t waking up as early as I had intended, which meant I wasn’t honoring my morning routine.  That, in turn, meant I wasn’t meditating, praying or journaling on a regular basis, nor was I working on my biggest professional goal, which is to finish writing my novel.   

It also meant my exercise equipment got dusty, my knives, cutting boards and pans went unused in favor of takeout, and the laundry situation in my household became utterly dire.  

I found that I wasn’t owning my time at all.  I was allowing other people to dictate what I did and when I did it, instead of honoring my priorities and setting boundaries to protect my glass balls.  I was getting sucked into what seemed urgent but, upon reflection, wasn’t actually important.   

On Sundays, when I looked back on the week I’d just had, I realized I hadn’t touched many of the things that support my life’s goals—the things that fill me up and make me feel like I’m making a massive impact on the world.  

And then *ish* finally hit the fan. 

I landed a speaking role with the women’s initiative of a very prestigious law firm to speak to their female lawyers about burnout which, as an expert, I know is caused almost entirely by struggles with time management.  The moderator of the event and I scheduled a time to hop on Zoom to prepare, but because I have been spread so thin, and become so out of practice with time blocking, I missed the call. 

Yeah. That happened.

And although she was the epitome of grace and we rescheduled and smoothed everything out, I realized (after bursting into tears and momentarily indulging the part of me that wanted to wallow and feel like a total fraud and a complete failure), that there was only one way to get out of this rut I had fallen into. 

I needed to get back to practicing what I preach. 

The point of this rather embarrassing story is twofold.  First, I want you to take away that even those of us who literally teach a course on this subject can fall off the wagon and find ourselves once again on the Hot Mess Express.  Take comfort in knowing that no one is perfect at this stuff.  We working mamas are all in this together and we all have opportunities for growth. 

Second, this experience has shown me in real time how incredibly important it is to plan your days and honor your plans, and precisely how quickly things can spiral into chaos when you don’t.  And the beauty of having fallen down is that now I get to pick myself back up, and share with you how you can too (if, hypothetically speaking, you were ever to find yourself in this situation). The timing on this is actually kind of perfect with the New Year around the corner anyway. 

Here’s how I recommend you get back on the horse: 

1) Identify what most likely derailed you. 

In my case, it was saying yes when I should have been saying no (politely, of course). I had taken on this false belief that I could successfully bite off more than I could chew.  I knew better, and yet I did it anyway, and the result was exactly what you would expect.

Remember that time invested in one area is time away from another. If it’s not your best yes, don’t say yes.

By saying “no,” you’re creating an opportunity for someone else to shine and give her best yes. See how beautifully that works out?

So next time you’re faced with having to say no, say it.  Be powerful enough to reply, “If I say yes to this, then I’d be saying no to [time with my family] or [time I blocked to work out] or [(fill in the blank)].”  And if saying it on the spot feels too scary you can always fall back on, “Let me give it some thought and I’ll get back to you.”  Give yourself some time to think, pray or feel about it, come up with kind but honest words to use, and then get back to that person and just say no. 

Sometimes saying no to others is the only way to say yes to yourself. 

2) Make a “to-don’t” list.  

I’mma encourage you to go nuts with this.  Indulge your inner tantruming child and emphatically say no to every single thing you just do not want to do.  Lay it all out there on the paper.  

Even if in the end, you truly must keep some of those things on your list, admitting that you don’t want to do it anymore will prompt you  to figure out a way to make those items less taxing by outsourcing help or implementing a new system.  

3) Purge the clutter from your mind. 

When my mind is cluttered with every single thing I need to get done from every area of my multi-faceted life, from lawyering to momming to Your Ideal Mom Life to the PTA, I feel crippled by overwhelm. And when I pause to think about it, I realize I feel like I’m drowning because I haven’t been doing a regular mental dump. 

Take it from me: the mental dump is vital.  And [bonus,] it’s so easy. All you have to do is jot down every single “to do item” weighing on your mind.  Just get it out of your head and onto paper.  

I’m talking everything, my friend.  It doesn’t matter what area of your life it pertains to.  It doesn’t matter if it’s big or small.  It doesn’t matter how long it’s been on your list.  It doesn’t matter if you think you’ll never have time to do it.  If it’s on your mind, dump it onto the paper. 

Once it’s all out and captured in one place, it can be sorted, prioritized and (ta da!) cross-referenced against your to-don’t list.  

And gurrrrl, let me tell you. Getting it out feels so good. 

4) Remember what it is you truly want. 

I’m certain that I have derailed so much in these last few months because I haven’t been focusing on what I want. And the only way to truly manage your time and own your day when you’re a working mom is to be certain about what you want out of life.

Because I haven’t been giving attention to what I want, I haven’t been taking the right action, and because I haven’t taken proper action, I haven’t manifested what I want.  Instead, I have been spinning around in circles every week. 

So I’m regaining clarity, and if you’re in this boat with me, I’m encouraging you to do the same. 

Figure out from a “big picture” level what your personal and professional goals are. I recommend having a maximum of three annual goals for both your personal and professional lives.  Remember, once you know what those are, you can back into what you need to accomplish on a monthly, weekly and daily basis to achieve those goals, and prioritize those items on your calendar. 

Which brings me to my final tip.  

5) Prioritize and block it out. 

This part is easy.  Remembering that not everything matters equally, and that the balls representing the major areas of your life are made of either rubber or glass, makes prioritizing a breeze.  Quite simply, the glass balls must come first.  

By this point in the process, you’ve already surveyed what’s on your plate (the mental dump), what you’re scraping off of it (your to-don’t list), and what’s most important to you.  Now, all you have to do is calendar it.  

And spoiler alert:  it’s not all going to fit into this week.  But that’s OK.  We are still crushing it, and still on track, because we are focusing on what matters most. 

We all have setbacks.  We all fall down or get knocked off course.  The key is owning it so we can dust ourselves off and get back up.  

Here’s to getting back on the horse, mama. I’m right there with you and I cannot wait to see what you create.

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