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What do you need to quit?

I know, I know. When do I ever talk about quitting?

The truth is that we all do things that don’t serve us. I’m dealing with this now, as I seek to publish my first novel in the genre of women’s fiction. I’m comparing myself to other authors of women’s fiction. It would be so easy for me to look at Jennifer Weiner, Taylor Jenkins Reid, Emily Henry, Ali Hazelwood, or Lucy Score and think, “I’ll never be that successful.”

But why? What’s the point in doing that? How does comparing my beginning to their “middles” help me?

News flash: it doesn’t.

So I’m gonna stop doing it. And no, it won’t happen overnight, but I’m going to keep at it.

If you’re comparing yourself—whether to other moms or to women in your professional field—stop, mama.

You matter and you have something to offer this world. And I’m gonna keep telling you that until you believe it.

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At the beginning of every year, I choose a word to represent what I want for my life over the twelve months that will follow.  Have you ever done that?  I picked it up a few years ago and found that it helps me focus.  I slap my word of the year at the top of my vision board, which I keep in my closet, and then see it every day as I’m getting dressed.  

Last year, my word was “skyrocket.”

Seemed like a great choice after everything we went through in most of 2020 and all the way into 2021.  Nowhere to go but up, right?

But for a lot of 2022, I didn’t feel like I was skyrocketing at all.

In fact, there came a point last year where I wasn’t sure what I was doing with Your Ideal Mom Life or with the Love Your Mom Life podcast.  I started believing the lie that I wasn’t making an impact, that no one was listening, that I didn’t know how to serve you.  

And then, right around THIS time last year, when I had almost totally checked out and felt like 2022 was on its way to being over, I got the spark of an idea to write a book.  For you.  To serve you.  And it came together in a snap.

On November 28th, when most might say the year really was basically over, my first book, “But Definitely Wear Mascara: Hacks to Help You Love Your Mom Life (and Yourself) a Little More,” was listed for sale on Amazon.  It might have taken THREE HUNDRED thirty one days, but I sure felt like I was skyrocketing then!

Did you have a word this year, mama? If so, I hope you’ve been living it!  

Or . . . maybe you haven’t. Maybe, like I did at this time last year, you feel like maybe you shouldn’t even bother; like the year is basically on its way to being over anyway. 

But here’s the thing: even if you feel like you haven’t lived out your goal so far, it’s not too late.  We still have one hundred fifty-two whole days left in this year.  152 days! 

So take one itty bitty step today.  And another teensy weensy one tomorrow.

You can still create something amazing.  You can still live in alignment with what your heart desired 212 days ago, on January 1st.  I know you can.

It’s not too late to start being awesome. You got this, girlfriend. And I am cheering you on. 

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As moms, we talk about mom life all the time.  We share photos of our kids on social media, and joke about battling mom brain, being “on” from sunup to sundown, and the seemingly insurmountable task that is bedtime.  

Here’s something we moms never seem to talk about, though:  how pissed off we are.

If we’re being totally honest, we’re exhausted from constantly striving to “balance” the demands of our jobs with the needs of our families, and feeling like we have to say no to the things we want to do.  We’re broken records when it comes to tidiness, chores, getting homework done, and refereeing the incessant bickering between our kids. 

We probably don’t even want to admit to ourselves how irritating (and, quite frankly, infuriating) the challenges of motherhood are.  

But mom rage is real.

And if you’re feeling it, you’re not alone, mama. It’s normal to feel anger, even about motherhood.  I say we get real in 2023 and talk about it! 

That’s why I recently wrote an essay for CafeMom about mom rage and my recent experience at a rage room, which helped me get out my anger and regain patience and joy in the weeks that followed.

Check it out to learn how you can get out your anger, even if you don’t have a rage room nearby. Mom rage is real, but once you honor it by listening to what it’s telling you, it doesn’t get to claim a hold on you anymore. Be intentional about getting those feelings out so you can finally release them.

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It’s not easy to juggle a variety of activities all at once, from caring for your family to making time for yourself. Momming is a constant balancing act. Often times the scale tips unevenly, and we end up neglecting our own interests.

If you’re experiencing this right now, know you are not alone. UPI states parental burnout is prevalent in the United States, with nearly 8% of parents reporting high levels of exhaustion and lack of self-fulfillment. This serious phenomenon has consequences not only for the parents themselves but also for their children, so you shouldn’t write off self-care as something you “don’t have time for” by moving it to the bottom of your list.

Here are a few ideas that can help you start taking better care of yourself, even if (like most moms) you’re saddled with a busy schedule.

Incorporate movement into your routine

Physical activity can work wonders for your mood, sleep cycle, and energy levels by stimulating the feel-good chemicals in your brain, like serotonin and dopamine. Of course, the big question you might be asking yourself is, I’m already busy, so how can I find time to exercise? 

Don’t fret! You don’t have to worry about actually going to the gym. You can easily get your dose of physical activity from the comfort of your own home. For starters, CNN recommends a meditation routine that combines yoga, balance, and breathing techniques to help reduce your stress. It only takes five minutes tops, which means you can do it on a yoga mat while waiting for your coffee to brew, or even in front of your desk during a screen-time break.

Enlist help from health experts

Being busy can sometimes keep us from eating healthily, too. With the amount of research and preparation that goes into making healthy choices, it never hurts to relieve ourselves from all the stress and ask for professional help. WeightWatchers’ weight loss programs include expert advice from dietitians and nutritionists, so you can follow a science-based meal plan that aligns with both your nutritional needs and daily lifestyle. Everything is accessible from the app as well. You can learn about the specific nutritional info of food and the right portion sizes, then track your meals using the Points system.

Learn how to say no

Part of why we scramble to find time for ourselves is because of our tendency to prioritize others’ needs over our own, which usually results in us spreading ourselves too thin. But, as we discussed in the advice for When You Fall Off the Wagon, learning how to say no to others is a step towards saying yes to ourselves. It’s vital to hold your boundaries and step back when you know you can’t fully commit to a request or a new task. Make lists or brain-dump into your journal to help you discern the right priorities or even rebalance them. And of course, you should always feel free to ask for more time to think before you make a final decision.

Talk to the people around you

To better address burnout, it helps to talk to other people instead of shouldering the burden all by yourself. It might require a bit of time and effort to share your thoughts and feelings with others, but the benefits ultimately outweigh the costs.

A New York Times article explains how being open about your struggles, regardless if they’re about parenting or not, can help you feel seen, heard, and understood. Talking isn’t always about finding ways to solve or improve your situation, however. The compassion and empathy you receive from your partner, friends, or other family members who listen can go a long way.

Lastly, healthy self-expression includes sharing the good with others, too! Whenever you talk about a recent milestone or even a small thing that made you happy that day, it helps to reinforce these good experiences in your brain.

Self-care is a continuous process, so every small step already counts as progress! Learn more about how to love your life without the mom guilt by checking out the rest of the posts on the blog.

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