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My husband Shawn and I believe in romance. We spend intentional quality time alone together every week, and before COVID, took at least one vacation a year without our kids.

And no, we’re not newlyweds!

Maybe it’s because we’ve both been divorced and know what can happen when a marriage falls apart, but without a doubt, focusing on our marriage is the top priority for us.

Fourteen years and two kids later, I’ve come to understand that romance, date nights and trips for two are a huge part of loving your life as a mom. And although I know no two families are the same, in most, that guy you fall asleep beside, share a bathroom with and whose socks you fold is the guy who made you a mother. In other words?

Your kids only exist because you two got together.

Don’t forget that! Those rascally, adorable, infuriating, loving, snuggly humans who make your heart want to burst with pride came into this world because you and your husband fell in love. That’s something to celebrate over and over.

So I’m gonna say something that might sound kind of radical.

Your relationship with your husband should be the primary relationship in your household—not your relationship with your kids.

Shocking, but true. And you’ll be a better mom for it, believe me. I would even put prioritizing and nurturing your marriage up there with self care.

Think about it. Chances are, if you’re making intentional, quality time for you and your husband, you’ll be happier and feel more fulfilled. You’ll probably also experience more joy, patience and love with him. And do you think that will spill over into your relationship with your kids?

Oh yes, girlfriend.

And you know what else? You’re setting a great example for them. You’re teaching them what a loving, respectful relationship looks like. You only need to look at your own parents (for better or for worse) to understand how important that is.

Having been in a marriage where romance and date nights were not a priority, I know how fatal that lack of attention can be to a relationship. Remember what you love about each other. Remember the reasons you got together, and hold on to those reasons. Celebrate them. Every. Single. Week.

The million-dollar question, of course, is how do you make it happen?

First things first: Talk about it! If regular date nights with your spouse are not a thing in your marriage (yet), start off by having a conversation. I’m no counselor, but I’ve loved enough to know that communication is key when it comes to relationships, and that’s true whether we’re talking about your relationship with your kids, your sister, your parents or your best friend. Without a doubt, being open and up front with your husband is vital to prioritizing your marriage.

Second: Plan! You’ve gotta be intentional. When you’re planning your week, work in alone time for you and your significant other. Involve him in choosing the day of the week that would be best for both of you. Take turns deciding what you’ll do on your date night. Make the process part of your time together.

And lastly, but super importantly, get help if you need it. Before the pandemic, Shawn and I had what we liked to call The Babysitter Optimizer. We had five women on rotation, all different ages and in different stages of their lives so as not to lose everyone when say, it’s time to go to college or time to get married. We were able to call on them any time we wanted to get some alone time.

With COVID still a thing, my husband and I admittedly haven’t used a babysitter in almost a year, but we have been able to rely on our family. I would venture to say the same goes for you. Grandparents love to see their grandkids!

And if even help from family just isn’t an option right now, for whatever reason, don’t let that be your excuse. Sometimes Shawn and I do date nights at home, once our kiddos are in bed—or at the very least, upstairs with a movie (or, yes, a device).

The point is, you can make it happen. You might have to get creative or do a little finagling, but remember why you’re doing it. Prioritizing your relationship is so important.

And I promise you, it’s so worth it.

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If your family is anything like mine, Halloween is a very fun and exciting time. I mean, what kid doesn’t love getting dressed up as their favorite character, superhero or villain and traipsing around the neighborhood in pursuit of oodles and oodles of candy that their parents will actually let them eat?

This year, of course, things look a whole lot different because of the COVID-19 pandemic. Personally, I’m not keen on letting my kiddos pack themselves like sardines into doorways with strangers and stick their hands into bowls of candy that have just been pillaged by possibly hundreds of other little fingers. For sure, the Odens are taking a pass on traditional trick-or-treating this year.

That decision has, of course, left the CEO of Casa Oden (ahem—that’s me) with the task of figuring out precisely how to make Halloween fun and safe for our kids. And after some pondering, research and asking around, I’ve compiled a few great ideas!

So if you’ve been searching for some trick-or-treating alternatives, I got your back, girlfriend. Check out these 3 fun and safe ways to do Halloween this year:

1) Do It Virtually.

Have a costume parade on Zoom or Google Meet with other families. Or do a virtual pumpkin carving contest. You could even have a virtual Halloween party. Share a Halloween cocktail recipe with the other parents ahead of time that you can all enjoy while your kiddos are showing off their costumes and chowing down on candy. (My favorite Halloween cocktail is The Witches’ Brew. Click HERE for the recipe). The best part? You can “get together” with family and friends from other cities and states you wouldn’t ordinarily see on Halloween.

The possibilities with this one are endless! And without a doubt, it is the safest option. Will it be the same? Of course not. But chalk it up as another one of those experiences that makes 2020 extra memorable.

2) Do It from a Distance.

If you still want to get out and trick-or-treat on October 31st, there are ways to reduce your risk. Wearing a mask and keeping at least six feet apart from other trick-or-treaters go without saying. It’s probably also a good idea not to take candy out of bowls or from people’s hands at their doorsteps. The CDC is recommending folks assemble individual bags of candy and leave them out for people to grab. (Side note: that’s also a genius way for you to hand out candy without upping your risk. Just be sure to wash your hands thoroughly for 20 seconds before assembling to keep everyone safe!)

My recommendation would be to only accept candy that is packed in individual bags you can retrieve from the end of a driveway or some other spot that doesn’t require you to get too close to others. And I’d take it a step further at home and put all the candy in quarantine for a few days just in case.

3) Do It Scavenger-Hunt Style.

This fun and safe Halloween option for 2020 is by far my favorite, and the one we’re going with this year. Much like an Easter egg hunt, the kids will grab their baskets—er, Halloween buckets—and search for candy in a designated area in the yard. To add some extra fun, we may even give them a time limit. (I find it delightful to watch my kiddos run around in glee trying to find stuff. Is that just me?). This option does require some visibility, however, so you’ll also need flashlights or to do the hunt before sundown. Alternatively, you could do it indoors. Either way, it’s sure to be a hit!

Momming through a global pandemic has created many challenges, but trick-or-treating doesn’t have to be one of them. I say, let it be easy.

I’m (virtually) raising my Witches’ Brew to you. Cheers to staying safe and healthy this Halloween!

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I pride myself on being really good at creating to-do lists. I would go so far as to say I’m a master, if I may be so bold. (Side note: creating an effective to-do list is something I explain in detail during The Mom Life Challenge. If you haven’t checked that out yet, click HERE already!)

The last six months, however, have been enlightening, to say the least. Thanks to the pandemic, my plate went from crowded and piled high to having room for another entree. As time passed and more and more activities went virtual or were cancelled altogether, I started experiencing something profound.

Margin.

Extra time. Time to sleep. To journal daily and read for pleasure. To go on morning walks and afternoon bike rides with my kiddos and hubby. Time to write and to cook. To meditate. To intentionally pray.

And now that my county is entering phase 2 of reopening, opportunities to add things back to my plate will undoubtedly present themselves. Which got me thinking . . . now is the perfect time to create a list of things to stop doing—or as I like to call it, a “to-don’t” list.

I won’t claim that there’s a right or a wrong way to make one, but I will suggest a few focusing questions you can ask yourself as you’re evaluating what to keep on and what to scrape off your plate.

Question 1): Was this activity serving me (has my life been less rich or joyful without it)?

If, on the flip side, you truly miss the activity, congrats on having discovered, in no uncertain terms, that it should remain in your life. I feel this way about tennis. Because of the pandemic, the tennis club I’m a part of decided not to participate in the local league this season. That means no practices, no matches and no private lessons. And while that also means I’m saving time (and money), I miss it. A lot. I can’t wait until I can add it back onto my plate.

One thing I haven’t missed? Working out at a gym. I almost feel blasphemous saying that (not to mention unsupportive of my local gym owner), but it’s true. I’ve been finding that my sweat-from-home routine has been very challenging—not to mention one that I can begin immediately after I roll out of bed and one that has me in the shower mere seconds after it’s over. As sad as it makes me because I love the people there, it’s going on my to-don’t list for now. [But as a sidebar, if you can think of a way I can continue to support my local gym owner, please let me know!]

Question 2): Have I formed a healthy new habit that should take priority over this old activity?

It’s easy to focus on what’s gone wrong these last six months, and I don’t say that flippantly. I know many people have lost jobs and even loved ones. Isn’t it also true, though, that some healthy habits have taken root in our lives?

For me, one such habit is journaling. Although I love to write and have kept a diary since I was 12, when I became a mom, journaling fell off of my radar. I would buy beautiful journal after beautiful journal and then shove them in my bedside drawer and write them off (pun intended—ha!) as something I didn’t have time to do now, but would . . . one day.

Well, friends, “one day” came sooner than I thought. In the early days of quarantine, I found myself with serious writer’s block. I started to feel really bummed about it, until my husband suggested I start journaling to get my creative juices flowing again. (Seriously, I love that guy). So I did, and I fell completely in love with it. It’s cathartic and cleansing and I don’t see myself ever stopping.

So what about you? Have you picked up a healthy new habit? If so, what might have to fall off of your plate to make room for it permanently?

Question 3): What could I say yes to if I said no to this?

Or put another way, what would I have to say no to if I said yes to this? My friend Yamiek from Rockstar Career Moms told me recently that the pandemic helped her realize she was wasting tons of time before watching mindless television and scrolling through her newsfeed on FB. Remembering that our kiddos are always watching us, she challenged herself to experience her own life instead of someone else’s on TV or on social media. By saying no to those activities, she’s been able to say yes to more abundance in her family and professional lives.

Remember, time invested in one area is time away from another. As moms, it’s our duty to command our time so that we can be our highest and best—not only to the people who love and depend on us, but to ourselves.  When you think of it that way, answering this focusing question becomes a lot easier.  The trick is to only give your best yes (and to say no without being mean).

A word of encouragement

Don’t freak out! Just like a to-do list, a to-don’t or “stop doing” list is fluid. Editable. Not written in stone. You can always add to it or remove things from it.

The important thing is that you have a to-don’t list, so you can periodically evaluate where you might be giving too much of yourself and not enough to yourself.

Try it out! You got this, girlfriend.

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Today is my 40th birthday. They say life begins at forty. As I reflect today upon these last several years of my life, I thought it would be fun to imagine . . . what bits of wisdom would I impart to my 25-year-old self if we could sit down and enjoy a glass of Chardonnay together?

I think it would go something like this:

1) You’re gonna fall on your face. A lot. Don’t resist it. Don’t berate yourself for not getting it “right.” Your most brilliant moments will be born from those so-called failures. You’ll end up marrying the love of your life—after you marry the wrong guy first. You’ll ditch that career you toiled away in school for, and that everyone else thought made you so successful, but that you secretly hated. You’ll make friends who are true. You’ll discover you have a gift you can parlay into a career you absolutely love. You’ll find your purpose. You’ll find yourself.

2) Becoming a mom is the hardest thing you’ll ever do. Like, ever. You’re gonna start worrying the minute you know you’re carrying that baby and you will never, ever stop. Not when you make it to 12 weeks. Not when the nuchal translucency screening comes back normal. Not when she’s born and she’s perfect and beautiful. Not even now, when she’s 8 years old and a totally legit human with opinions and goals. Oh, and nursing and sleep training are going to kick your ass. You are going to cry a lot. And then you’re gonna have another baby 17 months later and do it all over again. (I know, girlfriend. I know).

But you know what else? You’re going to discover how precious life is. You’re going to learn how to give grace to others and to yourself. You’re going to understand from a place deep within your soul that a mother’s love for her children is infinite.

Aaaaannnnd you’re gonna realize you’ve been kind of bratty to your own mom for a few decades, so be nicer to her, ok?

3) Try new things. Listen, girlfriend. You’ve got mad skills. Did you know you can pick up a sport as an adult and actually become good at it? Well, you can! And you will. (Tennis, anyone?) You’re also going to start working out like a beast when you discover—almost unwittingly—that CrossFit is not just for crazy people. It’s also for ordinary, mild-mannered, sleep-deprived moms who wanna lose some baby weight. And who woulda thunk it? You’re going to enjoy it so much that working out is going to become a habit.

You’re also going to become a scrapbooker. And a home cook. And a blogger. And a woman who can rock fake eyelashes. And all of it will feel a little scary and uncomfortable at first, but you’re gonna keep getting uncomfortable and trying new things.

In fact, you’re going to stretch yourself beyond your comfort zone over and over again, because you’ll figure out that growth is impossible inside your comfort zone. The magic happens out “there,” in the unknown. Embrace it. It’s really fun out there.

4) You’ll discover what you love. As a byproduct of trying new things, you’ll learn what it’s like to truly enjoy life, and how to give yourself what you deserve. You’ll become unapologetic about choosing joy. You’ll learn how to be still, how to allow, how to receive. You’ll learn to love yourself and who you’re becoming.

5) You’re gonna be ok, girlfriend. Everything is going to happen exactly the way it’s supposed to, because the nonnegotiable truth is that you create what you experience. You are powerful beyond measure. Everything you need to create a life you absolutely love is already inside of you. Sometimes harnessing that power will take you down paths you didn’t expect (see note one above), but when you choose to become deliberate and intentional about getting what you want, you will indeed create it.

So keep swimming. Don’t stop believing. You’ve totally got this.

Oh, and don’t worry about turning forty. There’s lots more Chardonnay and a lot less drama on this side of the fence. It’s actually quite fabulous. And so are you.

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Father’s Day always creeps up on me.  Every year, despite the best intentions, I find myself scrambling at the last second.  And it doesn’t help that my husband and dad both seem impossibly difficult to shop for.  But this year, I’m excited to say, I am on it.  

But if you’re still scrambling, fret not.  I promised you I’d always have your back when it comes to saving time, and shopping for Father’s Day definitely falls into the category of things for which there should always be an easy button.  

Read on for a list of my top Father’s Day gifts for this year, including price points and links so you can quickly and easily grab something for that special guy in your life.  Here’s to it being easy (and to you crushing Father’s Day this year)! 

1) Your One-Stop Shop

If you’ve never bought your guy a Man Crate, you need to. Not only do they have something for every man, from the beer aficionado and bourbon enthusiast to the sports lover and beef jerky connoisseur, but each gift comes in a wooden crate. As in, a sealed wooden box that you need a crowbar to open.  It’s very manly.  Naturally, guys love it.  Check out all the options here.  

2) For the Guy Who Likes to Grill 

My husband loves to grill. And when he grills, I don’t have to cook, so I very much appreciate and encourage it.  His favorite grill tool is this tong/turner combo ($10), which allows him to easily flip steaks and burgers.  

We also love this wooden grill scraper ($33).  It’s a safer way to clean the grill than a metal brush, which can fray and allow harmful metal shavings to end up in your food.  This wooden tool molds to the shape of your grill grates over time and works incredibly well to clean them.  It’s a tool every master griller must have! 

And for the guy who really loves to grill, consider these awesome subscription boxes from The Grill Masters. Your guy will get sauces, rubs and recipes plus a ton more. Check it out!

3) For the Handyman 

The self-respecting handyman will have many a tool in his toolbox, but his favorite one might be this laser level and stud finder ($64). Not only does it find studs and throw off a perfectly level laser line, as its name implies, but it sticks to the wall via a plastic hanger with a push-pin device, so it operates hands free.  That means you can continue sipping your Chardonnay while you supervise his “honey-do” tasks from afar.  No need to hold the level steady for him while he hammers and nails. 

Oh, and speaking of nails, check out this cool magnetic cuff ($13) he can wear when he’s working on a project.  Now he can have everything at his fingertips.  Sure beats him holding screws and nails in his mouth or you having to hand them to him one by one, right? Score! 

4) For the T-shirt Guy

Funny and ironic tees are all the rage these days, and my husband, for one, loves them. For every holiday and birthday, I usually end up including a funny tee among his gifts, and he always wears them. Our favorite place to find them these days is Chummy Tees. They have a ton of hilarious t-shirt options, for men and women alike. If you’re stumped, I say grab a tee. Can’t go wrong!

5) For the Bike Rider

It seems that many of us have taken to riding our bikes these days, and with summer in full swing, the weather is perfect for it. Nothing is more of a drag than when the bike tires are flat, though. The solution? This air pump ($80). My husband absolutely loves it. It fills tires in mere seconds at the press of a button, and it can also be used on other inflatable items, like pool floats. So handy!

6) For the Gadget Guy 

I’m not a tech expert, but in my opinion this thingy is super cool!  It’s a dual charger for his Apple watch and his phone ($54). What guy doesn’t like efficiency, am I right?

Another super cool gadget that is super popular right now is this UV smart phone sanitizer that doubles as a wireless charger ($53). It doesn’t use any chemicals, and will actually sanitize anything that fits inside. Pretty neat, huh?

And I’m a sucker for any gadget that keeps my eyeglasses clean. If your guy wears glasses, check out these fun speck cleaners ($20).

7) For the Raving TV Show Fan

If your husband is anything like mine, there’s some series that he absolutely loves and could watch over and over again. In our house, it’s The Office. Maybe in yours, it’s Game of Thrones or Stranger Things. Whatever it is, you’re sure to be able to find some obscure paraphernalia from the show on Etsy, like this Dwight Schrute painting that I cannot wait to give my husband. Etsy stuff tends to take a bit longer to create and ship, though, so you’ll want to jump on that fast.

8) The Backyardian (is that a word?)

For guys who love spending time in the backyard, you can’t go wrong with classic games like corn hole (you can find sets ranging from $38 to $120) or giant Jenga ($60) or Connect Four ($65). Plus the kids are sure to love these too!

Hopefully this list helped you find something special for your best guy! But don’t put too much pressure on yourself. After all, Father’s Day is about celebrating the man who made you a mama, and the man who raised you. Whatever you decide to give him he’s sure to love because it came from you. Wishing you lots of love and joy this Father’s Day!

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When Shawn and I got married, we went on a spectacular honeymoon.  I’ll always remember how splendidly glorious it felt on our wedding night to walk into our honeymoon suite after the reception—me channeling my inner queen, donning a gorgeous, ivory satin gown with a heavy bouquet of calla lilies in hand—and settle into the reality that I would be doing zero lawyering for two weeks in favor of wine tasting for five days in Napa Valley, followed by seven days of utter relaxation in Maui, Hawaii.  

Mmmm, Maui.  It’s like nothing I’ve ever experienced.  Truly, with its exotic flowers, native traditions and awe-inspiring landscapes, it’s like being in a different country—only like, super comfortable because of the whole dollar-accepting, English-speaking, U.S. Constitution-abiding thing.  

Leading up to our visit, we repeatedly heard from folks at home and in Napa alike, “You have to take the road to Hana when you get to Maui.”  So when we checked in at the Grand Wailea a few days later and our concierge made the same recommendation, we knew we had to do it.  

We rented a Jeep, got a map and some bottled water, and set out on the trek to Hana, just two excited newlyweds up for an adventure.  We were told to set aside an entire day for the trip and had been given places to stop along the way.  

We visited Kuau Cove to watch powerful blue-green waves crash over and over again on the shore.  We hiked in flip flops through thigh-deep water to reach a breathtaking waterfall and swam in the freezing cold lagoon it poured into.  We walked barefoot along the beach at the Waianapanapa Caves, letting our toes sink into the black sand, dark from volcanic sediment and ash.  We explored a real lava tube in pitch black darkness with only the flashlights in our hands to guide us.

And then, at long last, we reached our destination.  

Hana, as it turned out, was fairly nondescript.  I sort of don’t even remember it. There was a visitor center, I think.  And maybe a koi pond? I’m sure in isolation it’s beautiful, perhaps even breathtaking.  I mean, it’s in Maui, after all. But after the absolutely incredible journey we’d just experienced, arriving at our destination was sort of, well . . . meh. 

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That was almost 10 years ago.  It’s not often that I think about our honeymoon now with the day-to-day bustle of raising two kids, running a household, lawyering, aspiring to be an amateurish tennis champion and building an online business to consume my being and doing.  But the other day I was reading something that mentioned the road to Hana and I thought, Hey, I’ve done that!  

The author described the many sites along the famous route and warned that if you simply drove straight through them in an effort to get to Hana quickly, you would actually miss the whole point of taking the road to Hana in the first place. I nodded in agreement as I read.  After all, people don’t tell you to visit Hana. They tell you to take the road to Hana.  I smiled at the memory, and then it struck me for the first time ever:  

I understand—physically, experientially—what it means when people say “it’s about the journey, not the destination.” 

I’ve literally done it.

Yet it doesn’t register when I’m in Target wrangling my kids, stopping them from trying to murder each other by threatening to murder them myself, and an older woman smiles knowingly at me and says, “Enjoy the journey, honey.”  Always, I smile back politely and shake my head internally thinking, Enjoy this?! You cray, lady!  

It doesn’t register when my tennis coach, after witnessing me hit ball after ball into the net and then over the fence—whilst groaning and stifling blood-curdling screams—encourages me to “enjoy the process” of improving my tennis game.  Enjoy sucking?! I think, before demanding out loud to know when I’m going to start seeing results.  

And it definitely does not register when I’m enduring each phase of growing my business, bawling my eyes out because I can’t figure out a new plug-in or how to make WordPress do what I want it to do, gosh darn it! I don’t truly hear my blogging mentor when she tells me that this is the hardest but most exciting time of my business, when I’m throwing spaghetti at the wall to see what will stick, learning what to do and what not to do for my unique niche.  

No.  I’m too focused on getting to a time when my kids are bigger and better behaved, when my forehands skid off the baseline and don’t come back, when my blog has 10,000 subscribers.  

I’m focused on getting to Hana.  

Oops.  (Cue palm smacking into forehead now).  Man, oh man!  What have I been missing out on?  Did I already drive by the black sand beach and the lava tube?  Did I miss the waterfall?  

Talk about a total paradigm shift.  Seeing the process in that light turns it into something else entirely. It isn’t something to complain about. It’s something to be enjoyed. Photographed, memorialized, scrapbooked, even!

I’d venture to say the same is true for you, girlfriend.  Where do you find yourself squandering the journey in favor of the destination? On your way to becoming debt-free?  Or losing 25 pounds? Or earning a promotion at work? Perhaps it’s surviving this time of being home with two kids under two (or even three under three!). 

Whatever it is, don’t be so focused on getting to where you’re going that you miss experiencing the unthinkable miracles and opportunities surrounding you along the way. 

Enjoy the road you’re on, girlfriend. It’s beautiful. And so is who you’re becoming in the process.   

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