How to Get Better Sleep as a Busy Mom

Posted on December 14, 2024 by Nikki Oden

Guest post written by Cora Gold of Revivalist

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Finding time to rest as a mom often feels out of reach. Between managing your kids’ schedules, work and household chores, sleep can easily take a backseat. The thing is, getting quality sleep is essential for your health, energy and ability to tackle the day. Here are practical tips to help you catch those much-needed z’s, even with a packed schedule.

1. Make and Stick to a Regular Sleep Schedule

Your body thrives on routine, and going to bed at the same time each night helps regulate your internal clock, known as your circadian rhythm. This influences everything from energy levels to hormone production and other body processes. Irregular circadian rhythms can affect your sleep schedule, leading to deprivation and affecting your overall health.

If your kids’ bedtime routines eat into your rest time, try streamlining their nighttime rituals to finish earlier. For instance, set a specific time for reading or cuddling so you create a clear endpoint to transition into your routine.

2. Wind Down With a Nighttime Routine

The chaos of the day can make it hard to switch off at night. Developing a consistent nighttime routine helps signal your body that it’s time to rest. Calming activities like reading, journaling or taking a warm bath might do the trick.

A 10-minute soak or shower in water around 104 Fahrenheit at least an hour before bed lowers your core temperature faster, signaling to the body that it’s time to shut down. Avoid screens during this time. The blue light from phones can make it harder to fall asleep.

3. Create a Relaxing Sleep Environment

Your bedroom should be your sanctuary. Promote relaxation by keeping it cool, quiet and clutter-free. The National Sleep Foundation recommends a temperature between 60 and 67 degrees Fahrenheit for optimal sleep.

Invest in quality bedding and pillows to ensure comfort. Consider blackout curtains or a white noise machine if your room gets bright early in the morning or noisy at night. If you have trouble with neck pain or can’t get comfortable, try to replace your pillows every couple of years to ensure that they are supportive and clean. Even a small change like that can make a huge difference.

4. Get Sunlight During the Day

Spending time in natural light can improve your sleep-wake cycle by reinforcing your body’s circadian rhythm. Morning sunlight helps increase serotonin levels, a mood-enhancing chemical that converts to melatonin at night.

A well-lit environment during the day isn’t just beneficial for sleep, especially if you work from home. Getting less sunlight during the winter months is linked to lower energy levels and a dip in mood. This triggers seasonal affective disorder (SAD), a depressive condition known to diminish sleep quality. SAD affects around 5% of adults in the U.S.

Setting up a workspace near a sunny window or taking a short walk outside can make a significant difference. Aim for at least 30 minutes of sunlight exposure each morning to set yourself up for better sleep.

5. Delegate and Share the Load

It’s tempting to want to do it all, but overloading yourself is a precursor to burning out. Experiencing high levels of stress and burnout directly impacts your ability to fall and stay asleep.

Assigning kids age-appropriate responsibilities will lessen your workload and is one of the best opportunities to teach them valuable life skills. Don’t hesitate to delegate tasks to your partner or older kids or hire help for certain chores. Knowing you have support lets you focus on winding down earlier and getting the rest you need.

6. Limit Caffeine and Late-Night Snacking

As a busy mom, coffee may seem like the best lifeline, but too much caffeine late in the day can interfere with your sleep. Caffeine reaches its peak after 30 minutes, by which time it blocks adenosine, a chemical in your brain that promotes sleep.

Consider switching to herbal drinks like chamomile or peppermint tea in the afternoon and evening to avoid interference with your sleep. Similarly, avoid heavy or spicy meals close to bedtime, which can result in discomfort and restless nights.

7. Practice Mindfulness or Gentle Yoga

Stress is one of the biggest culprits of poor sleep. It’s easy for busy moms to feel overwhelmed. Mindfulness exercises before bed help you unwind and prepare for rest. Practices like deep breathing exercises improve sleep quality by lowering stress levels and calming the mind. You also learn to recognize and deal with insomnia-inducing thoughts to achieve quality shuteye.

Better Rest Is Possible

You deserve the energy and focus that comes with adequate sleep. Small adjustments to your habits and environment can help you get enough rest without compromising your busy schedule.

Taking care of your needs isn’t selfish — it’s how to be the best version of yourself.

Cora Gold is a parenting writer and editor of women’s lifestyle magazine, Revivalist. She writes about self care tips for moms and parenting techniques for publications including Scary Mommy and CafeMom. Connect with Cora on LinkedIn, Pinterest and X.

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Unlocking Potential: Mentoring Teen Girls to Thrive in All Aspects of Life

Posted on October 28, 2024 by Nikki Oden

Guest post written by Dr. Hannah Yang of Balanced Awakening

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Navigating adolescence comes with its own set of unique challenges, particularly for teenage girls. These experiences, while potentially character-building, often bring significant stress and anxiety that can be overwhelming to handle alone.

Mentoring young women can be an enriching journey for both the mentor and the mentee. By helping young teens embrace their individuality and build essential life skills, mentors play an important role in helping their mentees realize their full potential while accepting their vulnerabilities.

However, being a successful mentor requires a deep understanding of the specific pressures faced by teenage girls. Knowing how to effectively support and steer them through these obstacles is crucial for their growth and development.

Understanding the Challenges Young Girls Face

Even though many adults can empathize with the difficulties of teenage years, understanding the unique challenges that today’s adolescents experience is a different story.

In an age dominated by social media and quickly advancing technology, teenage girls often find themselves surrounded by an unending barrage of social comparisons and pressures to meet certain standards.

Peer Pressure and Body Image Issues

While social media is an excellent medium for keeping in touch with loved ones and offers a space for individual expression and creativity, it also has its dangers, particularly for young girls.

Frequent use of these platforms may expose them to a variety of impractical expectations influenced by peers. Continuous exposure to these can lead to teenagers grappling with self-doubt, lowered self-esteem, and unhealthy concerns about their physical appearance.

Academic Expectations

The importance of a good education is well-recognized. However, the weight that academic expectations can have on young adults should not be overlooked.

In different cultures and communities, there’s an intense emphasis on educational achievement. This can particularly affect young girls, who may struggle with feelings of not being good enough if they don’t secure a spot in a top university or make higher grades.

Unfortunately, many of these academic pressures can create a cycle of unhealthy behaviors and thought processes. This can include skipping meals, not getting enough sleep, or experimenting with drugs that increase energy and focus but can lead to long-term physical and mental health issues.

Hormonal Changes

Every adolescent girl experiences the natural progression of hormonal fluctuations as they mature. This transition, while a normal part of development, can often feel intense for young girls who are navigating the complexities of their evolving physical and emotional states.

Young women also frequently encounter challenging societal expectations about how they should express their emotions. Some may feel like they need to consistently look happy or have an overwhelming willingness to please others, potentially at the cost of their own feelings.

This ongoing expectation can contribute to emotional distress and hinder the development of effective coping strategies.

Mental Health Stigmas

Youth today have to deal with lingering misconceptions and biases associated with mental well-being. Despite advancements in public openness and acceptance regarding mental health matters, there still remains a notable reluctance to seek assistance or to talk frankly about personal mental health challenges.

This reality can be especially tough for teenage girls, who may wrestle with feelings of humiliation or guilt concerning their mental health experiences. Consequently, numerous girls suffer with their difficulties quietly, without seeking anxiety therapy support or resources that could help them manage them.

Effective Strategies for Mentoring Teen Girls

Keeping in mind the various challenges and issues that teenage girls may face, mentors can apply several effective strategies when working with them to navigate them successfully:

Create a Supportive and Safe Environment

Creating an environment where teenage girls can freely express their emotions is paramount. Achieving this may not always be straightforward, but it is crucial for building a solid base of trust and mutual respect.

This process involves establishing an atmosphere of unconditional acceptance and understanding. Promote open communication and reassure the girls that they are in a secure space where their thoughts are listened to, validated, and respected.

Listen Actively

Active listening is more than just hearing words – it’s about understanding and empathizing with the speaker. When mentoring teen girls, make sure to give them your undivided attention. Avoid interrupting or passing judgment.

Instead, respond with empathy and understanding, showing genuine interest in their experiences and feelings. This will help them feel valued and that their age is not a barrier to expressing themselves.

Work on Building a Foundation of Trust

Trust is the cornerstone of any successful mentoring relationship. It can take time to build, but once established, it will strengthen your connection.

Be consistent, honest, and transparent in your interactions. Show that you can be relied upon and that you respect their privacy. Remember, trust is earned through actions, not just words.

Help to Develop Important Decision-Making Skills

Adolescence is an important time for honing decision-making skills. In your role as a mentor, you have a significant opportunity to influence this developmental stage.

Encourage teens to think analytically, thoroughly assess their choices, contemplate the repercussions, and make more informed decisions.

This could involve role-playing various scenarios, discussing the pros and cons of different decisions, or providing guidance when they’re facing difficult choices.

Play to Your Teen’s Strengths

It’s important never to use a one-size-fits-all approach when mentoring teen girls. Instead, focus on their individual strengths and weaknesses and develop strategies that work for them.

Some may excel in creative activities, while others thrive in more structured settings. Sometimes, a methodical approach like art therapy or journaling could be a powerful tool for self-expression and reflection. Whatever their strengths may be, find ways to incorporate them into your mentoring sessions to help build confidence and motivation.

Encourage Social Media Literacy and Self-Control

Knowing how to navigate online platforms safely is an essential skill for young individuals today. As a mentor, you have the opportunity to steer young women through the dangers of social media with experience and insight. Highlight the advantages and possible challenges they might encounter in these virtual environments.

Stress the value of thoughtful engagement – thinking before sharing, responding, or interacting at all times. Have conversations about the lasting effects that digital footprints might have, including the risks of cyberbullying and how things that end up online don’t always go away.

Exercise Problem-Solving Skills

As a mentor, a key goal is to nurture important problem-solving capabilities in your mentee. Instead of offering straight solutions, however, focus on steering them towards finding their own methods for tackling issues.

This process includes breaking down complex problems into simpler, more manageable parts. Encourage your mentee to approach potential solutions with creativity and to thoughtfully weigh the pros and cons of each possibility. Guide them to understand when it’s beneficial to ask for help or to take a moment to reassess their strategy for a better outcome.

Instill the Importance of Learning from Failures

Failure is frequently viewed in a negative light, associated with loss and disappointment. As a mentor, it’s vital to alter this perspective for your mentee, guiding them to understand that obstacles and setbacks are essential components of personal growth and progress.

It’s natural to be disheartened by setbacks, but reframing these experiences as opportunities for learning is vital. Encourage your mentee to think about what didn’t work and use this insight as a stepping stone for future attempts. Embracing this approach will not only build their resilience but also boost their confidence in facing future challenges.

Guide Your Mentee on How to Live a Happier and Healthier Life

Building resilience as a teenage girl isn’t something that happens overnight. It’s a gradual process that takes time and nurturing. However, by guiding your mentee and empowering her with the tools to build a healthy mindset, you can help set her up for future success in all aspects of her life.

Visionary and healthcare entrepreneur by passion, Licensed Psychologist by training, Dr. Hannah Yang loves creating new possibilities in the world of mental health and wellness. Dr. Yang established Balanced Awakening in 2015 as a niche psychotherapy practice for women. As Balanced Awakening flourishes in Chicago, and soon Miami, she also loves to tap into her passion for design and Feng Shui to create fabulous environments for herself, her team, and clients.

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The Power of Authenticity

Posted on August 9, 2024 by Nikki Oden

Guest post written by Abby Calabrese

Want to write for us? Click here to check out our submission guidelines.

Being true to who you are can be one of the most powerful choices you make. Living authentically unlocks confidence, clarity and connection – not just for yourself, but for others around you too.

Yet authenticity is often easier said than done. The pressures of daily life, and what others might think of us, can gradually pull us away from our natural selves. Before we know it, we’ve become strangers even to ourselves.

That’s why taking small, deliberate steps toward authenticity is so important. Like any journey, it’s about progress, not perfection. So wherever you’re at – that’s exactly where you should begin.

Here are some baby steps you can take:

Notice when you’re staying silent to please others, rather than speaking your truth. Give yourself permission to share your authentic thoughts and feelings, even if they’re different.
Pay attention to how you’re spending your time and energy. Are you fulfilling obligations out of a sense of ‘should’ or because your heart is truly in it? Carve out space for the activities that are meaningful to you.
Examine your self-talk. Replace harsh internal criticism with compassion. Speak to yourself as you would a close friend struggling with the same challenges.
Set boundaries. Learn to say ‘no’ graciously when commitments won’t allow you to show up as your best self. Your time and energy are precious gifts – choose how they are shared wisely.

Taking these tiny steps, and many more, will add up over time to a journey of profound discovery – of your values, talents, purpose. And go easy on yourself! This isn’t easy but it’s worth it.

Here are some more examples to think over:

Be honest about your feelings in low-stakes situations, like sharing with a friend how their thoughtful gesture made you feel. Getting comfortable openly expressing emotions helps you tap into your authentic self.

Wear a new outfit, try a new hobby, or change your appearance in some small way just because it feels right to you, not to please others or fit any image. Authenticity starts from within.
Have an authentic conversation with someone close to you about a vulnerability or insecurity. Opening up, even a little, can help you better understand yourself and feel less alone.
Prioritize activities you find meaning in over checking items off a rigid to-do list just because you think you ‘should.’ Let purpose and passion, not obligations, guide your time.
Speak your truth respectfully when someone makes an insensitive remark rather than saying nothing. Confronting situations on your terms helps assert your authentic self.
Decline an invitation or request gracefully if it doesn’t align with your values or allow you to show up as your best self. Small acts of setting boundaries are big for authenticity.
Celebrate natural traits or quirks about yourself that make you uniquely you. Loving yourself exactly as you are lays the foundation for living authentically.

It doesn’t have to be huge steps to see the impact. Give it a shot!

Abby Calabrese is a widely regarded speaker, expert consultant, and strategist for high-achieving female professionals. Throughout her career, she has flourished in her roles from the finance industry to high-pressure startups, interfacing with Fortune 500 companies, and working alongside a Celebrity TV Personality as the Chief Operating Officer of his investment company. From her insights and experience learned along the way, Abby has developed a proprietary model that helps guide women through creating more sustainable solutions for avoiding burnout and living life on their own terms. Visit her website to learn more.

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Creating a Mental Health Routine: Daily Practices for Moms

Posted on July 30, 2024 by Nikki Oden

Guest post written by Dr. Mary Bran

Want to write for us? Click here to check out our submission guidelines.

Being a mom is a rewarding but demanding job. From managing the household to caring for children, moms often feel overwhelmed and stressed. Maintaining mental health is crucial for moms to handle daily challenges and enjoy their lives. However, many moms neglect their mental well-being, focusing instead on the needs of their families. Creating a daily mental health routine can help moms care for themselves while still being there for their loved ones. This article will outline simple daily practices that can support moms in maintaining their mental health, starting with a positive morning routine, midday practices to manage stress, and an effective evening routine for a good night’s sleep.

Morning Routine

Starting the day with a positive mindset can set the tone for the rest of the day. Here are some practices that can help moms begin their day on the right foot:

Mindful Waking and Stretching: Instead of jumping out of bed and rushing into the day’s tasks, take a few moments to wake up mindfully. Stretch your body gently, focusing on how each part feels. This can help you become more aware of your body and start the day calmly.
Morning Meditation or Deep Breathing Exercises: Spend a few minutes meditating or doing deep breathing exercises. This can help clear your mind and reduce any anxiety you might feel about the day’s responsibilities. Simply sit in a comfortable position, close your eyes, and take slow, deep breaths. Focus on your breathing and let go of any distracting thoughts.
Setting Daily Intentions or Goals: Before diving into your tasks, take a moment to set some intentions or goals for the day. These don’t have to be major achievements; they can be simple things like “I will take a short walk today” or “I will spend quality time with my kids.” Setting intentions can give you a sense of purpose and direction, helping you stay focused and positive throughout the day.
Nutritious Breakfast for Energy and Mental Clarity: Eating a healthy breakfast is essential for maintaining energy and mental clarity. Choose foods that are rich in nutrients, such as fruits, whole grains, and proteins. Avoid sugary cereals or pastries, as they can cause energy crashes later in the day. A balanced breakfast can help you feel more alert and ready to tackle your tasks.

Midday Practices

As the day progresses, it’s important to manage stress and maintain focus. Here are some practices to help you stay on track:

Short Breaks for Relaxation and Mindfulness: Taking short breaks throughout the day can help you relax and recharge. Spend a few minutes away from your tasks, practicing mindfulness or simply resting. Close your eyes, take deep breaths, and let go of any stress or tension. These breaks can help you stay calm and focused, making you more productive in the long run.
Physical Activity or Quick Exercise Routines: Incorporating physical activity into your day can boost your mood and energy levels. Even a short walk around the block or a quick exercise routine can make a big difference. Physical activity releases endorphins, which are natural mood lifters. Find an activity you enjoy and make it a part of your daily routine.
Healthy Lunch and Hydration: Eating a healthy lunch and staying hydrated are crucial for maintaining energy and focus. Choose a balanced meal with plenty of vegetables, lean proteins, and whole grains. Drink plenty of water throughout the day to stay hydrated. Avoid heavy, greasy foods that can make you feel sluggish and tired.
Gratitude Journaling or Positive Affirmations: Take a few moments during the day to practice gratitude or positive affirmations. Write down things you are grateful for or repeat positive statements to yourself. This can help shift your focus from stress and negativity to positivity and appreciation. Gratitude journaling and affirmations can boost your mood and help you stay motivated.

Evening Routine

Continuing with an effective evening routine, here are the remaining practices to help you wind down and prepare for a restful night’s sleep:

Reflective Journaling or Family Discussions: Spending time to reflect on your day can be very therapeutic. Writing in a journal about your thoughts, feelings, and experiences helps you process your day. If you prefer, you can have discussions with your family about what happened during the day. This not only helps you unwind but also strengthens family bonds. Sharing your day’s highlights and challenges can make you feel supported and connected.
Light Stretching or Yoga: Incorporating light stretching or yoga into your evening routine can help your body relax and prepare for sleep. Gentle movements and deep breathing can release any tension or stress accumulated during the day. This practice can also improve flexibility and overall well-being. Even a short session of 10-15 minutes can make a significant difference in how relaxed you feel before bed.
Limiting Screen Time Before Bed: Reducing screen time before bed is crucial for better sleep quality. The blue light emitted by phones, tablets, and computers can interfere with your body’s natural sleep-wake cycle. Try to turn off electronic devices at least an hour before bedtime. Instead, engage in calming activities like reading a book, listening to soft music, or practicing relaxation techniques. This will help your mind to wind down and prepare for sleep.
Creating a Calming Bedtime Ritual: Establishing a calming bedtime ritual signals to your body that it’s time to sleep. This can include activities such as taking a warm bath, reading a soothing book, or listening to relaxing music. A consistent routine helps your body recognize when it’s time to wind down, making it easier to fall asleep. These rituals create a peaceful transition from the day’s activities to a restful night.
Ensuring a Comfortable Sleep Environment: Your sleep environment plays a significant role in the quality of your sleep. Make sure your bedroom is quiet, dark, and cool. Invest in a comfortable and firm mattress that supports your body and enhances your sleep quality. Comfortable bedding and pillows also contribute to a restful night. Keep the room tidy and free from distractions to create a serene atmosphere conducive to sleep.

Creating a daily mental health routine is essential for moms to maintain their well-being and handle the challenges of motherhood. By starting the day with a positive morning routine, managing stress with midday practices, and winding down with an effective evening routine, moms can take care of their mental health. Mindful walking, meditation, setting daily goals, and a nutritious breakfast can set a positive tone for the day. Short breaks, physical activity, a healthy lunch, and gratitude journaling can help manage stress and maintain focus throughout the day. Reflective journaling, light stretching, limiting screen time, creating a calming bedtime ritual, and ensuring a comfortable sleep environment can help moms unwind and prepare for a restful night’s sleep.

Taking care of mental health is not a luxury but a necessity, especially for moms who juggle multiple responsibilities. By incorporating these simple daily practices into their routine, moms can improve their mental well-being, making them better equipped to handle the demands of motherhood. Remember, a healthy mom is a happy mom, and taking care of yourself is the best way to take care of your family.

Dr. Mary Bran is a Clinical Psychologist and Researcher dedicated to educating people about human behavior and mental illnesses. As the co-founder and owner of Sleep Advisory, Mary combines her expertise in psychology with her passion for sleep health, providing valuable insights into the importance of quality sleep and effective sleep solutions. With years of experience and extensive research, Mary is committed to raising awareness about mental health needs and supporting individuals in achieving better sleep and overall well-being.

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Warning Signs of Burnout You Shouldn’t Ignore

Posted on June 27, 2024 by Nikki Oden

Guest post written by Abby Calabrese

Want to write for us? Click here to check out our submission guidelines.

What are the signs that you’re headed towards burnout? For busy professionals and/or busy moms, it’s easy to just keep running and not realize when burnout is creeping up. It is so important to be in tune with ourselves and understand the signs of when you’re nearing burnout.

Some of the major signs that I’ve noticed whenever burnout creeps up are feeling exhausted all the time, even if you got a good night’s sleep. Also, you might notice that you’re getting sick more often. Illnesses that you might’ve been able to bypass before are now leaving you in bed for multiple days due to a weakened immune system. You might notice that you’re relying heavily on coffee or other caffeinated substances just to get you through the day. For some people, impending burnout means they’re finding it hard to focus and be productive during the day, whether that’s at work or home. You might notice that you’re being too hard on yourself and there’s a lot of self-criticism going on.

You might also see that you’re pulling away from those activities that you know make you feel better. You’re convincing yourself that you don’t have time for some of the self-care hobbies that restore you.

If several of these key signs resonate with you, it is an indication that you’re going to need to lighten or delegate out some of your workload. It’s just not sustainable or healthy when these signs are popping up, month after month.

So now what? We identified some of the key signs that burnout is approaching, but even more importantly, what do we do about it?

A big theme here is going to be boundaries. Learning to get comfortable with saying “no” to tasks or obligations that are not essential. Another one is going to be delegating. I have struggled with this in the past but it is critical to learn how to delegate some of the tasks that don’t necessarily need your personal touch involved. That leads to the next solution for burnout, which is accepting “good enough.” It might not be exactly how you’d handle it, and it might not have your touch on it. Still, if it’s good enough, that’s going to give you back time for self-care and for things that are going to restore you and overall leave you rested, a productive, better version of yourself, and allow you to start enjoying this amazing life you built.

This is going to take action on your part. You are going to have to go through and evaluate the things that are on your plate to see what you can delegate. There will be some tasks that just don’t make the cut. You will narrow down which ones are essential and that will be where you spend your time.

With the freed-up space on your calendar, slide your self-care items in that spot! Schedule it, add it to your calendar, make it part of your day-to-day, and I think you’re going to notice an AMAZING difference.

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Supermoms Need Therapy Too

Posted on April 8, 2024 by Nikki Oden

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I appreciate truth bombs. Let’s just call things what they are. Let’s put out in the open what most people want to sweep under the rug. One such truth bomb that I, as a super high achiever, have come to understand is this:

Having goals kind of sucks sometimes.

I know that sounds counterintuitive and goes against everything I normally preach. But it’s also true. And I want to talk about it.

I’ll concede from the outset that nothing I’ve accomplished in my life would have been possible without goals. There’s no way I would have graduated first in my class from law school, or published a book, or started this podcast. I wouldn’t have married the man of my dreams after marrying the wrong guy first, and gone on to give birth to two of the best humans on this planet.

None of my success has been by accident. I don’t believe in luck. I believe in setting and crushing goals, again and again.

But being a goal crusher has a dark side.

Often, high achievers tie their identities to their performance. Some of us have a little voice that says incredibly rude things to us when we “fail.” Oh, you didn’t win the match/get the promotion/receive an offer of representation from the agent? You must be worthless.

And when I say “some” of us, I mean me.

Thus far in my forty-three years, I’ve learned how to deal with that voice. I’ve become quite adept at righting the ship and taking responsibility for my second thought, even if the first was some uncontrollable vitriolic garbage from the You Can’t Monster.

But sometimes, I can’t.

Sometimes, the first thought feels like the truth, and I find myself wishing I didn’t even have goals. I regret pushing myself outside my comfort zone and stretching myself to grow, because when it’s hard—when it’s not happening, when it feels like all I do is fall short—it sucks.

Do you ever feel that way too?

I recently found myself in this situation, and sheesh. It. Was. A. Doozie. It lasted for several days, and it felt different from the other times my You Can’t Monster has reared her head. For a minute there, I wasn’t sure I was going to make it out of her nasty clutches.

Now, you know that I believe in fully experiencing all emotions, especially rage, sadness, and frustration, which I talked about in detail in Episode 130. Stuffing our emotions down because we’ve labeled them “bad” or “negative,” or because we’ve told ourselves we “shouldn’t” be feeling them, is only what we should do if we wanna be that lady who loses her shit in carline or at the grocery store because someone looked at her the wrong way. (Hint: you do not want to be that lady.)

Stuffed emotion is coming out whether you want it to or not, girlfriend. Might as well expel it fully when it’s fresh and raw, and on your terms.

In my case, I experienced the emotion by letting the so-called “negative” thoughts run rampant. I allowed the You Can’t Monster to tell me that I suck, I’m worthless, I don’t add any value to this Earth. (Important note: if you try this, understand that I’m not telling you to believe those thoughts; just let them run.)

It will not feel good. You’ll want to make it stop by doing what so many other coaches say to do, which is to “replace” the negative thought with a positive one. (Right. As if that actually works.) I say, don’t even try. That exercise is ineffective, and at its core, is a form of stuffing by ignoring. There is a better way.

Let the vitriol spew.

Because very quickly, your You Can’t Monster is going to say something so ridiculously untrue that even in the depths of your spiral, you will hear a record scratch in your head. For me, after a few minutes of naming all the ways in which I’m not good enough and should stop trying, it was, “And why even bother eating healthy and working out? You’re going to die of something.” That one silly thought made me stop and think, “OK, well now you’re just being ridiculous.” And just like that: the rip current abruptly ended and I was free to swim back to shore.

But here’s where, until seeking the help of a therapist, I had previously been getting stuck. I was expressing the emotion, sure, but I still had no idea why I was getting to that point in the first place.

Understanding that the root of my tantrums is an underlying belief that I must win or succeed to be enough, my therapist helped me realize that all success is error-driven. The only way to figure out how to do something you’ve never done—or achieve something you’ve never achieved—is to do it the wrong way first. That attempt will give you information (data) that informs your next attempt. You try a different way the next time, repeating that process until you get it right.

My therapist helped me see that all errors or mistakes are merely data points. They are opportunities for learning. That’s it. There is no winning or losing. There is no success or failure. There is only learning.

And you know what, mama? You and I are excellent at learning.

Being a mom is nothing if not a constant state of learning how to nurture, protect, and guide other humans. If we learned how to sleep train a newborn and how to get a toddler to pee in the toilet, we can learn anything.

What if we just looked at all challenges in life from that perspective? Could you, from a place of deep curiosity and gratitude for new information, view all your future errors as mere data points? Could your second thought (after you forgive yourself for first calling yourself a dummy when you mess up) be, Thank you for the data point. Thank you for this opportunity to learn. Could you do that?

Um, duh. Of course you could.

So let’s start doing it. Let’s start viewing every endeavor as an experiment. Even this paradigm shift we’re discussing at this moment can simply be an experiment, during which we will learn how to respond to the errors and mistakes we make.

Y’all, this one therapy session has changed my entire outlook on life.

Instead of viewing my big, hairy, audacious goals as something to either achieve or fail to achieve, I now see them as a means by which to learn big, exciting things.

Right now, I’m not failing at getting my novel published, or sucking at winning tennis matches. No way. I am learning how to write a New York Times Bestseller. I am learning how to be a more consistent tennis player.

And learning is so fun. Isn’t it amazing what a little therapy can do?

Listen to this post on the Love Your Mom Life podcast!

Nikki Oden

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Designing a Feng Shui-Inspired Home Office for Better Mom Life Balance

Posted on March 26, 2024 by Nikki Oden

Guest post written by Dr. Hannah Yang of Balanced Awakening

Want to write for us? Click here to check out our submission guidelines.

With the relentless pace of modern work life, finding equilibrium in your personal working space has become crucial. Feng Shui, with its ancient roots in managing the flow of energy, presents a unique way of arranging your home office.

This approach encourages a serene but energizing space that sparks creativity, promotes inspiration, and supports a healthier work-life balance.

Understanding the Core Concepts of Feng Shui

To bring balance to your home office using Feng Shui, getting acquainted with the foundational concepts of the Bagua, Chi, and the Five Elements is important.

The Bagua: Your Energy Map

Consider the Bagua as your guide to dividing your space into nine distinct areas, with each one correlating to an important life aspect, such as your professional growth, personal connections, or health.

Within the context of your home office, utilizing the Bagua can pinpoint the perfect spots for your furniture, decorative items, and other features, ensuring a more positive working atmosphere.

Chi: The Vital Force

Chi is the life force that invisibly flows through all entities and spaces. The practice of Feng Shui focuses on maximizing this flow to create a space that vibrates with balance and harmony.

A well-channeled Chi can elevate the sense of well-being, pave the way for success, and instill a natural ease within an environment. Look at Chi as the vibrant energy you want to draw in and enhance your work setting.

The Five Elements

At the heart of Feng Shui are the five elements – earth, metal, water, wood, and fire – each carrying its own set of energies and distinct features. Here is a quick look at these elements:

Earth: Emphasizing stability, grounding, and the nurturing aspect of nourishment, the earth element is synonymous with a dependable sense of security. Decorating your workspace with hues of beige, brown, and yellow not only reflects Earth’s qualities but also creates an environment of peace and concentrated energy.
Metal: Metal is associated with clarity, precision, and accomplishment. Metallic colors like silver, gold, and white can introduce a sense of order and focus into your space.
Water: The water element is a symbol of wisdom, smooth progression, and the ability to adapt. It stands for a serene intelligence and flexibility in thought and action. Introducing elements such as small fountains or the soothing sounds of water into your space can create an ambiance of fluid tranquility and ease.
Wood: The wood element is closely linked with expansion, creative energy, and fresh starts. By adding plants to your office, you not only bring the wood element into your space but also encourage an atmosphere rich in life and creative possibilities.
Fire: Fire symbolizes the burning intensity of passion, vigor, and motivation. While the fiery hues of red, orange, and purple are effective, their use in a workspace should be measured. However, when applied thoughtfully, these colors can inject a vibrant burst of inspiration and spark creative thinking.

By incorporating these elements through color, materials, and shapes in your home office, you can create a balanced and supportive environment aligned with your goals.

Incorporating Feng Shui Principles into Your Home Office Design

Now that you understand the core concepts of Feng Shui, here’s how to strategically incorporate various elements into your home office space:

Improving Energy Flow through Desk Placement

The positioning of your desk is crucial in Feng Shui. The “command position” is the most powerful placement. Ideally, you’ll be facing the door of your office without being directly in line with it. This allows you to see opportunities coming while feeling secure and in control.

If the command position isn’t possible, try to avoid placing your desk with your back to the door or directly facing a wall, as these positions can create feelings of vulnerability or being blocked.

Using Aromatherapy for Better Productivity

Aromatherapy can be a valuable tool for influencing your mood and mental state. This is why you’ll often see it used during trauma therapy or anxiety therapy sessions.

Need to really focus and stay alert? Peppermint or rosemary can offer an invigorating pick-me-up. Lavender, chamomile, or bergamot are known for their calming properties, perfect if workplace stress starts to build. If you’re stuck in a creative rut, orange or grapefruit could also potentially help get those ideas flowing.

Thoughtful Mirror Positioning

A well-placed mirror can create the illusion of more space and boost good energy flow in your office. Choose to reflect something enjoyable – a bit of nature outside your window or a piece of art that makes you smile.

On the other hand, avoid mirrors reflecting clutter in your work area since it can make it feel like your workload is doubled or directly facing your front door, as it might push away positive energy.

Decorating Your Workspace with Natural Elements

A few well-placed plants can add vibrancy and positive energy to your workspace. For a touch of Feng Shui, explore using plants with symbolic meanings – snake plants for prosperity or spider plants to spark creativity.

The soft sounds of a water fountain also bring tranquility, while natural materials like wood, stone, or crystals can create a sense of connection to the earth.

Embracing Natural Light and Color Harmony

When setting up your home office, make the most of natural light as it greatly impacts mood and efficiency, promoting feelings of vitality and focus. To inspire creativity, introduce shades of green and brown, reflecting the nurturing essence of the wood element.

Additionally, touches of red or orange can inject bursts of enthusiasm and innovation since they have the dynamic qualities of the fire element. Select colors that speak to you, creating a cohesive and motivational workspace.

Softening Your Space with Careful Furniture Selection

To maintain a smooth flow of Chi in your workspace, prioritize furniture with rounded edges and gentle curves over sharp corners and edges. Not only does this choice encourage a more harmonious energy flow, but it also creates a more welcoming ambiance.

When selecting furniture, particularly your desk chair, consider ergonomic design principles. Investing in a comfortable and supportive chair can significantly reduce physical stress and promote proper posture, ensuring you remain aligned and energized throughout your workday.

Decluttering Your Workspace

Combatting clutter is crucial for maintaining positive energy and mental clarity in your workspace. Begin by addressing clutter in manageable portions, starting with reducing paper clutter.

Explore options like digitizing documents or establishing an efficient filing system to minimize physical mess. You’ll also want to institute a regular decluttering routine, dedicating small increments of time each day or week to tidying up and organizing.

Recreate Your Home Office Space with Feng Shui

Implementing Feng Shui principles can revolutionize your home office, turning it into a sanctuary of efficiency, equilibrium, and creativity. Even minor adjustments inspired by Feng Shui can profoundly improve the energy and ambiance of your workspace, establishing a deeper sense of harmony and vitality during your daily tasks.

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5 Relaxation Techniques All Working Moms Should Know

Posted on February 28, 2024 by Nikki Oden

Guest Post written by Taylor McKnight, Author for Nothing But Hemp

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As a busy working mom, you probably know it’s important to find ways to relax and take care of your mental health. But you might also discover that forcing yourself to relax can be stressful.

If you simply cannot find time for lengthy meditation sessions or other commonly suggested strategies, don’t fret! You do have other options. These five relaxation techniques will improve your mental health and leave you time for managing your busy schedule.

Use Waiting Times to Practice Deep Breathing

Other people might have hours to spend breathing deeply in a forest, but you have a packed schedule. The good news is that you can get the same effects from deep breathing within only a few breaths. Look for pockets of time when you can slowly breathe in and out. Practicing breathing deeply while you’re waiting in line or for a doctor’s appointment can instantly decrease stress.

Choose Workouts With Rhythmic Movements

There is no doubt that hitting the gym hard can get your body into shape. But sometimes, heavy workouts can feel stressful and time-consuming. Instead of laying on the guilt because you didn’t hit the gym, try going for a walk or swim with your kids. Or, you could choose to do some dancing in your living room. Choosing low-impact workouts that incorporate rhythmic movements helps to soothe your body while increasing the endorphins in your brain.

Explore the Relaxing Benefits of Hemp Products

If you’re using a glass of wine to relax, you could be stressing your body to the point that you feel less productive the next day. Drinking alcohol in the evening can also interfere with your sleep. Give CBD products a try to induce a similar sense of relaxation while still being in control of your actions. CBD gummies and tinctures work well for helping you to sleep at bedtime or making it easier to relax when you’re experiencing aches and pains.

Engage In Child’s Play

If long work days leave you longing for your past childhood when each day felt like bliss, then you can use this technique to connect with your kids and feel less stressed. Carve out some time in your busy schedule to sit down with your kids and color in a coloring book. Or, you could make shapes with modeling clay or paint. You can even use adult art materials if you prefer, but engaging your senses can help take your mind off whatever problems are stressing you out.

Do a Body Scan Meditation Before Bedtime

Meditating is another stress-reduction activity that is challenging for some people. Body-scan meditation allows you to focus your mind on each part of your body starting from the toes and moving to the top of your head. As you meditate, you’ll strive to notice and release tension in each body part until you feel completely relaxed.

The key to relaxation is to have several strategies in your self-care toolkit. Remember to check in with yourself occasionally to identify if you feel anxious, overly tired, or just plain stressed. Then, get in the habit of using your strategies regularly to achieve the best effects on your mental health.

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When You Flop on Your Face

Posted on February 15, 2024 by Nikki Oden

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Crushing goals is a huge part of creating your ideal mom life. We all have unique gifts and talents, and when we get that spark inside of us to go for something, I believe God is giving us a little nudge and a wink.

Making those dreams come true is not always so easy, though, especially when you have kids. That’s kind of the whole reason I created the Your Ideal Mom Life community: so we moms can have a safe place to talk about our big, scary goals, and how to be the moms we want to be without the guilt. Part of the goal-crushing process is putting your goal out into the universe. Socializing it. Telling other people what you’re up to. And of course, cheering other moms on when they do the same.

But here’s the ugly thing no one talks about when they’re going for a huge goal: all the times they flop flat on their face.

Like when . . .

You prepare for the promotion, give the best interview of your life, and don’t get the job.

You’re eating food that is healthy as heck and working out like some kind of crazy Cross-Fitter, but the scale isn’t budging.

You take all the lessons and attend every single practice, but you keep losing your tennis matches.

Or when your debut novel—the project you’ve been working on with your blood, sweat, and tears for over 15 years—repeatedly gets rejected by literary agents.

What do you do when that happens, mama? Do you throw in the towel? Chalk your goal up to something meant for “other” people? Do you quit?

HECK NO, YOU DON’T.

Here’s what I do. I raise a glass and toast to the so-called “failure.”

Don’t get me wrong. I’m not exactly HAPPY about it. Of course it stings. But of course it’s going to happen. Rejection/losing/falling on your face is a huge part of the process of growing, of getting better, of achieving the goal. You know who else fell on her face over and over again?

Oprah. Meryl Streep. J.K. Rowling.

Aren’t you glad they didn’t give up? I sure am.

So, as I go after this ginormous goal, I choose to talk about how many times I’ve already fallen on my face. I raise a glass and toast to getting my first rejections out of the way.

And I want you to do that for yourself.

Keep moving forward. Keep taking those little tiny steps toward your dreams. And on your way there, talk about all the times you flop on your face. Celebrate them. We got this, girlfriend. Onward!

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Valentine’s Day and Single Mothers: A Tale of Embracing Self-Love

Posted on February 13, 2024 by Nikki Oden

Guest Post Written by Praneeth Simon Siliveri

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When you think of Valentine’s Day, you might think of couples showing love. But what about single moms without a romantic partner? Of course, they can celebrate too! If you’re a single mom wondering how to enjoy Valentine’s Day alone, remember that you deserve love too. If you can handle work and being a parent, why not take some time to love yourself?

From inspirational books to partying with friends, and these Valentine’s Day offers to make your celebration even more fun, there are so many ways for a single mom to celebrate the day of love without feeling lonely.

Celebrate your Love for your Kids

Valentine’s Day is not just about romantic love—it’s about celebrating all forms of love, including the bond between a mother and her children. Spend quality time with your kids, express your love through fun activities and heartfelt conversations, or create special memories together, like planning a day out, cooking together, watching fun movies, or making creative crafts and arts. Embrace the joy and love of being a parent and tell your children how much they mean to you on this day.

Party with your Friends and Family

Gather your close friends and family members for a celebration of love and friendship. Host a Valentine’s Day party at home, or visit your favorite restaurant and indulge in a decadent meal. Enjoy good food, laughter, and meaningful conversations, creating cherished moments with those who support and care for you. Surrounding yourself with people who uplift and appreciate you is a wonderful way to feel loved and connected, regardless of your relationship status.

Make some time for Yourself

It is important to spend time with your kids, especially as a single parent, and it is equally essential to prioritize self-care and carve out time for yourself. So, use this Valentine’s Day as an opportunity to indulge in activities that bring you happiness and relaxation. Whether it’s treating yourself to a spa day, enjoying a favorite hobby, or simply unwinding with a good book or movie, investing in self-love and self-care fosters inner fulfillment and resilience. This way, you will be more efficient and happier in your life, which should be our ultimate goal, right?

Devote Yourself doing good for Others

In today’s busy and sometimes unfriendly world, it’s important to show love and kindness to people who could use extra care which (did you know?) also carries forward the legacy of Saint Valentine. One great way to do this is by volunteering your time or giving what you can to help others on Valentine’s Day. You could help a charity nearby, join in community projects to help, or just support other single parents. Doing these things helps others and makes you feel good inside. It’s all about spreading love and making the world a better, happier place for everyone.

Plan a Solo Trip

In addition to showing love to others, take a break from your routine and plan a solo trip this Valentine’s Day. Whether it’s a day trip nearby, a weekend getaway, or a dream vacation, solo travel can be liberating and empowering. By doing this, you can enjoy the freedom to set your own itinerary, discover yourself, and create memorable experiences. Exploring solo lets you reconnect, gain new perspectives, and celebrate your independence as a single mother.

Speak to Yourself Kindly

Finally, don’t forget to be kind to yourself. We all know that being a mom who works is hard, but it’s even harder when you’re doing it all on your own. If you need a little pick-me-up, remember these words:

“You alone are enough. You have nothing to prove to anybody.” – Maya Angelou
“My alone feels so good, I’ll only have you if you’re sweeter than my solitude.” – Warsan Shire
“I’ve been single for a while and I have to say, it’s going very well. Like… it’s working out. I think I’m the One!” — Emily Helle
“Love yourself first and everything else falls into line. You have to believe in yourself.” – Lucille Ball
“I don’t need Prince Charming to have my own happy ending.” -Katy Perry

Valentine’s Day as a single mom isn’t about feeling alone. It’s a chance to show yourself some love and feel strong. We are confident that you can make this Valentine’s Day special by trying out the ideas we talked about. But don’t stop there! Get creative and find other ways to make yourself happy. Remember, what really counts is your own happiness. So, take this day to celebrate how strong and independent you are. You deserve all the love and joy in the world.

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