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In Chapters 2 and 3 of my book, I talk about getting crystal clear on your priorities (including the fact that you should be one of them), and dive into how to get off the hot mess express, using your biggest deepest desires as the guide for everything you do.  

But I suppose that begs the question:  what if I don’t actually know what my deepest desire is? 

My answer to that is always, “You do know; you just haven’t given yourself permission to embrace it.” But for those of you who insist that you really don’t know, I’m here for you, mama. Let’s talk. 

Let’s go back a few (ahem) years to when you were a little girl.  Do you remember what it was like to dream when you were little?  If you were anything like I was, you probably had a vision for your life.  A big vision.  Maybe you were going to be a princess.  Maybe you saw yourself as a ballerina or a singer.  Or, maybe, like I did, you believed you would become a world-famous actress. 

Whatever your aspirations were, I’m willing to bet big money that you weren’t dreaming about settling for an “okay” marriage or spending most of your time at an “okay” job where you’re totally underutilizing your gifts and drumming your nails on your desk every week, waiting for Friday to roll around. And I know you weren’t daydreaming about having an “okay” life in which everyone else’s dreams and desires come before yours.

Yet far, far too many of us moms are living exactly that way.  We tell ourselves that this is what being a grown up looks like.  We don’t pause to think about what we want anymore.

We give up on our little girl dreams. 

But getting in touch with what you want most in the world and identifying what you want out of your life is the only way you’ll get off the hot mess express because once you know what you want, it will be the driving force behind how you spend your time.  

Now, rest assured that deciding what you want today doesn’t mean your desires are set in stone. 

What you want can change at any time, and that’s absolutely OK. 

The important thing is that you’re always in tune with what you want, and that what you want is the driving force behind how you spend your time. 

This is where dreaming big comes into play. And when I say big, I mean like, really big.  Huge.  But before we put pen to paper, let’s do some visualizing, shall we?  

Take a moment right now to dream, like you did when you were a little girl.  What is your biggest personal or professional dream for this year?  And just so we’re clear, your job here is to dream big.  I’m in the “set-crazy-unrealistic-ginormous” goals camp.  Trust me, despite what conventional goal-setting wisdom might tell you, setting HUGE goals is the way to go.   So let your heart run wild here.  Hold that image of you accomplishing your dream in your mind.  See it clearly.  Imagine how you would feel if that dream came true at the end of twelve months, and then hold on to the feeling.  

Now we’re going to change the facts.  Imagine now that you had zero obstacles.  None.  You live in a world in which you literally cannot fail.  What would your biggest dream be then?  What would you go after?  What in your wildest dreams would you love to accomplish over the next  year?  Lose 25 pounds?  Reverse a chronic health condition?  Hit tennis balls like a pro?  Publish a book?  Open a cake store?  

Your only limit here is your own willingness to be big.  Allow it.  Big is awesome. 

So, I’ve gotta ask you: Was your first dream as big as the second?  If not, notice where you’re limiting yourself, even in your dreams.  That’s not meant to be a judgment.  (This is a judgment-free zone!  For reals!)  We all limit ourselves.  When we notice, we can adjust.  

So guess what?  Whatever your second dream was is the one we’re going with.  And don’t waste a single second worrying about falling short.  I promise, you will be far more fulfilled at the end of a year having fallen short of a huge goal than you would be if you achieved a “realistic” goal. 

Last year, I fell literally 67 times short of a revenue goal.  But you know what?  I tripled the revenue from the year before.  Had I set a “realistic” goal, I probably wouldn’t have even made it that far.  In my experience, “realistic” when it comes to goal setting is just code for “minuscule.”  Goals like that aren’t going to stretch you. We’re going BIG, girlfriend, and we’re not concerned about falling short.  

Play this episode again and again until you figure out what it is you truly want.  And once you do, you’ll know exactly what to do when you get to Chapters 2 and 3 of But Definitely Wear Mascara and have a smug little smile on your face as you’re reading. 

Here’s to getting exactly what you want, mama.  I can’t wait to see what you create.

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Last week, I made my morning news debut on Good Day DC to share my top 5 mom life hacks (and of course, to talk about my new book, But Definitely Wear Mascara 😍). 

My #1 tip? Every day, wake up just a little bit earlier than you are now to get guaranteed alone time.  It doesn’t have to be painful, promise!  You can start with as little as 10 minutes each day to get time that’s just for you, to sip peacefully on your first cup of coffee, journal, read fiction, or do something else you love. 

Think 10 minutes a day isn’t enough to feel like you’re taking care of yourself? Ten minutes is better than zero, mama. If you’re not currently getting guaranteed alone time every day, try this hack! 

Wanna hear the other 4 hacks? Watch the full interview here (it’s less than 5 minutes)!

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Today is January 19th. For most, today is just a Wednesday (unless it also happens to be your birthday, in which case, happy birthday!).  Productivity nerds like me, however, know today is no ordinary day.  

Today is Quitter’s Day.  

Did you even know that was a thing?  It’s a term that was coined in 2019 by fitness platform Strava after conducting a study involving 800 million people in which they discovered that January 19th is the day 80% of folks give up on the goals they set in the New Year.  

Dang! So soon!  

I’ll admit that I was shocked to learn this statistic (I thought most people at least made it to the first week in February), but after giving it some thought, I suppose it’s not all that surprising.  

After all, when we close out one year and head into the next, we’re excited.  We’re idealistic.  

And sometimes, we’re also unrealistic.  

Now, let’s get one thing straight.  I hate the word “realistic” when it comes to goal setting.  Despite what conventional goal-setting wisdom might tell you, setting huge goals is the way to go. I’m in the “set-crazy-unrealistic-ginormous” goals camp. 

But realize there’s a difference between setting a goal so big it terrifies you, and taking a first step towards that goal that’s just as big.  

Remember, although your goals for this year should be audacious, and should, in fact, be borderline unrealistic, it’s OK—in fact, it’s necessary—to start small.  Oftentimes when we give up on a big goal quickly, it’s because the first step we attempted to take in achieving it was way too big. 

If that’s you, trust me, you’re not alone.   

Here’s how you get back on track:

➡️ Start with what you’re going to have to accomplish on a monthly basis.  What action step can you take each month that, if done consistently for 12 months, would result in you achieving each BHAG?  Notice I said step, singular. You’re simply deciding on one monthly milestone.  So, for example, if your annual goal was to lose 100 pounds, your monthly milestone might be to lose 8 pounds. 

But if you’re going to stay focused (and away from the quitter’s table), we’ve gotta trim it down even more. 

➡️ Next, decide what’s the one activity you can do this week to ensure you achieve your monthly milestone?  

Often as you’re answering this question, your first several responses will be milestones as well.  Keep asking yourself the question until you get down to an activity.  Using the weight-loss example, the activity might be to walk five miles. (Side note:  Remember you’re coming up with something you can do.  There’s no point in choosing something that sounds good but you know you won’t actually do because it’s too hard or time-consuming).  

➡️ Finally, whittle it down to the granular by asking yourself, “What’s the one task I can do each day to ensure I complete my weekly activity?” Go as small as you can until you get down to a single task. In keeping with the weight-loss example, perhaps the task might be something as simple as, “Be in bed with face washed and teeth brushed by 9:30 PM” because that will ensure you wake up on time to go for your walk.  

See where we’re going with this?  We’re making big, hairy and audacious bite-sized.  

You ain’t no quitter, mama! This is your year! 

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