Author Archives: Nikki Oden

Your Mom Life Manifesto

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We did it.  We made it through another year of raising humans.  It’s the beginning of January, and we have a beautiful, deliciously blank slate ahead of us. 

So . . . now what? 

I say we declare our intentions for this year.  Here’s my mom life manifesto for 2022:

  • I give myself permission to put my needs first.
  • I choose to make time for self preservation every day. 
  • I choose to pursue my biggest, hairiest, most audacious goals and dreams.  
  • I understand that I must take care of myself to be able to take care of my children and my family. 
  • I allow myself to try new things, and choose to take the first step because I know the next step will reveal itself. 
  • I refuse to be sidelined by mom guilt.  
  • I give myself permission to say no to people and things that do not serve me. 
  • I choose not to compare myself to other moms.  
  • I choose to surround myself with people who are encouraging, supportive and hold me accountable. 
  • I give myself permission to let go of perfectionism. 
  • I choose to create harmony over balance.  
  • I choose to focus on quality instead of quantity when I spend time with my children.  
  • I allow myself to experience my emotions.  
  • I allow myself to fall down, and I choose to get back up and keep going. 
  • I give myself permission to ask others for help.  
  • I choose to speak to myself the way I would speak to someone I love.  
  • I believe that to love others more fully, I must first and foremost love myself. 

Today, I’m encouraging you to adopt your own mom life manifesto. Or, if you like mine, CLICK HERE to print it out and put it somewhere you’ll see it every day. 

This is our year, girlfriend!  I can’t wait to see what you create.

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When You Fall Off the Wagon

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Have you ever been totally rocking something—like you were showing up every day, doing the work, looking in the mirror saying “Consistency is my middle name!”—and then completely fallen off the wagon?  

Maybe for you it was eating well and exercising as you worked toward a weight loss goal.  Perhaps you were on a meditation streak, or you were honoring your morning routine and faithfully making time just for you.  

In my case, it was all of those things, because I had consistently been time blocking my weeks and owning my days.  

And then suddenly, I wasn’t.  

It happened so slowly that even now, as I deliberately reflect on what went wrong, I can’t pinpoint when it began.  One day I noticed that I wasn’t waking up as early as I had intended, which meant I wasn’t honoring my morning routine.  That, in turn, meant I wasn’t meditating, praying or journaling on a regular basis, nor was I working on my biggest professional goal, which is to finish writing my novel.   

It also meant my exercise equipment got dusty, my knives, cutting boards and pans went unused in favor of takeout, and the laundry situation in my household became utterly dire.  

I found that I wasn’t owning my time at all.  I was allowing other people to dictate what I did and when I did it, instead of honoring my priorities and setting boundaries to protect my glass balls.  I was getting sucked into what seemed urgent but, upon reflection, wasn’t actually important.   

On Sundays, when I looked back on the week I’d just had, I realized I hadn’t touched many of the things that support my life’s goals—the things that fill me up and make me feel like I’m making a massive impact on the world.  

And then *ish* finally hit the fan. 

I landed a speaking role with the women’s initiative of a very prestigious law firm to speak to their female lawyers about burnout which, as an expert, I know is caused almost entirely by struggles with time management.  The moderator of the event and I scheduled a time to hop on Zoom to prepare, but because I have been spread so thin, and become so out of practice with time blocking, I missed the call. 

Yeah. That happened.

And although she was the epitome of grace and we rescheduled and smoothed everything out, I realized (after bursting into tears and momentarily indulging the part of me that wanted to wallow and feel like a total fraud and a complete failure), that there was only one way to get out of this rut I had fallen into. 

I needed to get back to practicing what I preach. 

The point of this rather embarrassing story is twofold.  First, I want you to take away that even those of us who literally teach a course on this subject can fall off the wagon and find ourselves once again on the Hot Mess Express.  Take comfort in knowing that no one is perfect at this stuff.  We working mamas are all in this together and we all have opportunities for growth. 

Second, this experience has shown me in real time how incredibly important it is to plan your days and honor your plans, and precisely how quickly things can spiral into chaos when you don’t.  And the beauty of having fallen down is that now I get to pick myself back up, and share with you how you can too (if, hypothetically speaking, you were ever to find yourself in this situation). The timing on this is actually kind of perfect with the New Year around the corner anyway. 

Here’s how I recommend you get back on the horse: 

1) Identify what most likely derailed you. 

In my case, it was saying yes when I should have been saying no (politely, of course). I had taken on this false belief that I could successfully bite off more than I could chew.  I knew better, and yet I did it anyway, and the result was exactly what you would expect.

Remember that time invested in one area is time away from another. If it’s not your best yes, don’t say yes.

By saying “no,” you’re creating an opportunity for someone else to shine and give her best yes. See how beautifully that works out?

So next time you’re faced with having to say no, say it.  Be powerful enough to reply, “If I say yes to this, then I’d be saying no to [time with my family] or [time I blocked to work out] or [(fill in the blank)].”  And if saying it on the spot feels too scary you can always fall back on, “Let me give it some thought and I’ll get back to you.”  Give yourself some time to think, pray or feel about it, come up with kind but honest words to use, and then get back to that person and just say no. 

Sometimes saying no to others is the only way to say yes to yourself. 

2) Make a “to-don’t” list.  

I’mma encourage you to go nuts with this.  Indulge your inner tantruming child and emphatically say no to every single thing you just do not want to do.  Lay it all out there on the paper.  

Even if in the end, you truly must keep some of those things on your list, admitting that you don’t want to do it anymore will prompt you  to figure out a way to make those items less taxing by outsourcing help or implementing a new system.  

3) Purge the clutter from your mind. 

When my mind is cluttered with every single thing I need to get done from every area of my multi-faceted life, from lawyering to momming to Your Ideal Mom Life to the PTA, I feel crippled by overwhelm. And when I pause to think about it, I realize I feel like I’m drowning because I haven’t been doing a regular mental dump. 

Take it from me: the mental dump is vital.  And [bonus,] it’s so easy. All you have to do is jot down every single “to do item” weighing on your mind.  Just get it out of your head and onto paper.  

I’m talking everything, my friend.  It doesn’t matter what area of your life it pertains to.  It doesn’t matter if it’s big or small.  It doesn’t matter how long it’s been on your list.  It doesn’t matter if you think you’ll never have time to do it.  If it’s on your mind, dump it onto the paper. 

Once it’s all out and captured in one place, it can be sorted, prioritized and (ta da!) cross-referenced against your to-don’t list.  

And gurrrrl, let me tell you. Getting it out feels so good. 

4) Remember what it is you truly want. 

I’m certain that I have derailed so much in these last few months because I haven’t been focusing on what I want. And the only way to truly manage your time and own your day when you’re a working mom is to be certain about what you want out of life.

Because I haven’t been giving attention to what I want, I haven’t been taking the right action, and because I haven’t taken proper action, I haven’t manifested what I want.  Instead, I have been spinning around in circles every week. 

So I’m regaining clarity, and if you’re in this boat with me, I’m encouraging you to do the same. 

Figure out from a “big picture” level what your personal and professional goals are. I recommend having a maximum of three annual goals for both your personal and professional lives.  Remember, once you know what those are, you can back into what you need to accomplish on a monthly, weekly and daily basis to achieve those goals, and prioritize those items on your calendar. 

Which brings me to my final tip.  

5) Prioritize and block it out. 

This part is easy.  Remembering that not everything matters equally, and that the balls representing the major areas of your life are made of either rubber or glass, makes prioritizing a breeze.  Quite simply, the glass balls must come first.  

By this point in the process, you’ve already surveyed what’s on your plate (the mental dump), what you’re scraping off of it (your to-don’t list), and what’s most important to you.  Now, all you have to do is calendar it.  

And spoiler alert:  it’s not all going to fit into this week.  But that’s OK.  We are still crushing it, and still on track, because we are focusing on what matters most. 

We all have setbacks.  We all fall down or get knocked off course.  The key is owning it so we can dust ourselves off and get back up.  

Here’s to getting back on the horse, mama. I’m right there with you and I cannot wait to see what you create.

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The Working Mom’s Pro Tip for Learning Something New

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You know that old adage, “You can’t teach an old dog new tricks?” Do you ever feel like it sort of applies to you now that you’re a mom with grown up bills and a house to take care of and humans who literally depend on you to live? 

I’ll admit I’ve definitely had that thought a time or two since my days as a twenty-something (and yikes—even a thirty-something) are over.  And yet, I long to learn new things.  

One of my personal goals this year is to learn how to play chess. Or, more accurately, re-learn.  It’s a game I grew up playing sporadically when I’d visit my grandfather in South America, and one my dad and sister play well.  Chess has been around forever—it’s one of the oldest games in the world—and teaches you the skills of strategic and critical thinking. It requires you to be completely present with your opponent as you play.  That’s one of the things I love most about it. 

And I’ll admit, The Queen’s Gambit definitely had something to do with my renewed interest in the game.  

Along the way, however, I’ve forgotten a lot of the rules.  So I decided this year that I’d pick it up again and re-teach myself.  Lofty, right?  I mean, it sounded good, but then I became paralyzed by the how of it.  

“Who can teach me?”  

“Are there resources online?”  

“What’s the first step in learning?”  

I almost didn’t even start, but then I recalled that my dad had bought a chess set for my kiddos and, along with it, a children’s book on how to play.  

So I started there.  With a children’s book.  It breaks the game down into easy-to-understand concepts intended to be consumed by a ten-year-old, and as it turns out, is a marvelous way for a crazy busy, not-twenty-and-not-even-thirty-anymore working mom of two to learn as well.  

And let me tell you, girlfriend—it worked!  

That got me thinking.  Maybe learning something new by consuming the kid version first could be a thing.  Why not? 

By necessity, the kid version won’t be complicated.  It will be straightforward, with examples that actually teach you the concept without trying to trick you, and will build slowly, one concept after another.  Depending on the subject matter, the kid version might even gameify the learning process.  

And did you ever notice that folks who started working on their craft when they were kids tend to be really good at them? Yes, they’ve been practicing for years. But I think there’s also a correlation there with the way they learned.  

Exciting, right?  Think of the possibilities!  Sewing. Cake decorating. Scrapbooking. Cooking. Photography. Coding. Even sports. 

After figuring out this new “kid trick,” I asked my tennis coach to teach me how to improve my game by doing drills with me that he does with my daughter.  “I don’t care if it seems silly or pointless.  I want to learn,” I told him.  He took me up on it, and I held true to my word, doing the drills that seemed like they were too simple to actually be teaching me anything, until one day, I realized we had completely transformed my swing through a series of small, fundamental yet easy-to-implement changes.  

You should see my forehand now, mama.  It’s pretty awesome, if I do say so myself. 

So if you think you’re an old dog who can’t learn new tricks, I say hogwash!  After all, anyone can do anything.  Why not you?

Try it out. Teach yourself something new, starting with a children’s guide.  And while you’re at, let me know how it goes.  I can’t wait to see what you create, girlfriend. 

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Not everyone is going to think you’re awesome, and that’s ok. They’re wrong, though.

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My love language is “words of affirmation,” which I always thought was adorable . . . until I realized that I’m sort of saying I need other people to tell me how awesome I am to feel worthy or loved. 

Wait.  That doesn’t sound powerful . . . 

But it has played out that way in real life:  with me craving, more than I’d like to admit, affirmation and praise as a way to feel good enough.  

Good enough as a lawyer.  Good enough as a podcaster. Good enough as an author and a business owner.  Good enough as a mom.

Do you ever go there, too?

Recently, someone ranked me at the bottom of their list. In my mind, they were saying, We don’t care how hard you’ve been working.  We still think you are the least capable member of this group. And for a good hour, I acted like what they thought actually mattered. I felt like I needed their belief in me. 

That was stupid.

But it was also a great lesson. Because the truth is that not everyone is going to believe in me. Not everyone is going to think I’m awesome. ⁣

𝓣𝓱𝓮𝔂’𝓻𝓮 𝔀𝓻𝓸𝓷𝓰, 𝓽𝓱𝓸𝓾𝓰𝓱.⁣

I believe in me. And that’s enough. ⁣

That belief keeps me going in every single one of my personal and professional endeavours, and helps me show up again and again to make an impact on working mamas (like I did recently when I was quoted in The Boston Globe!)  

Same goes for you, girlfriend. There will always be people in your life who don’t think you’re awesome, whether a co-worker, another mom, a teammate or even a member of your own family.

But what other people think of you or say about you or say to you doesn’t change who you are. And it never can.

So be who you are.  Because you’re amazing.

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Why Your Marriage Should Be the Primary Relationship in Your Household

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My husband Shawn and I believe in romance. We spend intentional quality time alone together every week, and before COVID, took at least one vacation a year without our kids.

And no, we’re not newlyweds!

Maybe it’s because we’ve both been divorced and know what can happen when a marriage falls apart, but without a doubt, focusing on our marriage is the top priority for us.

Fourteen years and two kids later, I’ve come to understand that romance, date nights and trips for two are a huge part of loving your life as a mom. And although I know no two families are the same, in most, that guy you fall asleep beside, share a bathroom with and whose socks you fold is the guy who made you a mother. In other words?

Your kids only exist because you two got together.

Don’t forget that! Those rascally, adorable, infuriating, loving, snuggly humans who make your heart want to burst with pride came into this world because you and your husband fell in love. That’s something to celebrate over and over.

So I’m gonna say something that might sound kind of radical.

Your relationship with your husband should be the primary relationship in your household—not your relationship with your kids.

Shocking, but true. And you’ll be a better mom for it, believe me. I would even put prioritizing and nurturing your marriage up there with self care.

Think about it. Chances are, if you’re making intentional, quality time for you and your husband, you’ll be happier and feel more fulfilled. You’ll probably also experience more joy, patience and love with him. And do you think that will spill over into your relationship with your kids?

Oh yes, girlfriend.

And you know what else? You’re setting a great example for them. You’re teaching them what a loving, respectful relationship looks like. You only need to look at your own parents (for better or for worse) to understand how important that is.

Having been in a marriage where romance and date nights were not a priority, I know how fatal that lack of attention can be to a relationship. Remember what you love about each other. Remember the reasons you got together, and hold on to those reasons. Celebrate them. Every. Single. Week.

The million-dollar question, of course, is how do you make it happen?

First things first: Talk about it! If regular date nights with your spouse are not a thing in your marriage (yet), start off by having a conversation. I’m no counselor, but I’ve loved enough to know that communication is key when it comes to relationships, and that’s true whether we’re talking about your relationship with your kids, your sister, your parents or your best friend. Without a doubt, being open and up front with your husband is vital to prioritizing your marriage.

Second: Plan! You’ve gotta be intentional. When you’re planning your week, work in alone time for you and your significant other. Involve him in choosing the day of the week that would be best for both of you. Take turns deciding what you’ll do on your date night. Make the process part of your time together.

And lastly, but super importantly, get help if you need it. Before the pandemic, Shawn and I had what we liked to call The Babysitter Optimizer. We had five women on rotation, all different ages and in different stages of their lives so as not to lose everyone when say, it’s time to go to college or time to get married. We were able to call on them any time we wanted to get some alone time.

With COVID still a thing, my husband and I admittedly haven’t used a babysitter in almost a year, but we have been able to rely on our family. I would venture to say the same goes for you. Grandparents love to see their grandkids!

And if even help from family just isn’t an option right now, for whatever reason, don’t let that be your excuse. Sometimes Shawn and I do date nights at home, once our kiddos are in bed—or at the very least, upstairs with a movie (or, yes, a device).

The point is, you can make it happen. You might have to get creative or do a little finagling, but remember why you’re doing it. Prioritizing your relationship is so important.

And I promise you, it’s so worth it.

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Four Books Every Mom Should Read

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I’ve always been a major bookworm. Growing up, I wasn’t that girl who was into cheerleading or dance. I didn’t play a sport.  

I read.  A lot. 

The Babysitters Club, thrillers by Christopher Pike and R.L. Stine, coming-of-age novels by Judy Blume and every single literary work based on Elizabeth and Jessica Wakefield—from Sweet Valley Twins to Sweet Valley High to Sweet Valley University and all the Sweet Valley Saga stories—you name it, I read it. I had my nose in a book for most of my adolescence.  

As a grown up I haven’t made as much time for fiction as I did as a tween, although I am a sucker for anything written by Jennifer Weiner and have fallen hard for the Outlander series by Diana Gabaldon—and will finish them, however long it takes me!  Instead, I’ve found myself devouring personal development books on Audible. (By the way, if you’ve never tried Audible, you must. You can legit consume a book and drive. It’s the coolest thing ever). 

These four books are totes worth the read (or listen, as the case may be), and have given me some of my most powerful tools for creating a mom life I love. And I truly believe every mother should read them because being a mom is the most intense form of leadership you’ll ever know. So why not level up?

Check these babies out:

1. The One Thing, by Gary Keller and Jay Papasan

I find myself returning to the principles of this book over and over again as I navigate the challenges of being a working mother who is also running a small business.  

​​The ONE Thing taught me everything I know about productivity and prioritizing. I used to believe all things matter equally.  They don’t. The ONE Thing shows you how to focus so that, in going after your big hairy audacious goals, you can identify the one thing you can do to make everything else easier or unnecessary.  

I know, I know.  What does that mean, exactly? 

Think of the steps toward achieving any goal as a row of evenly-spaced dominoes. The easiest way to knock them all down is simply to knock over the first one, right? The ONE Thing explains that this principle applies to the achievement of any extraordinary result in life or business, and gives you the tools to identify the lead dominoes in your own life.  

Throughout most of my life, I’ve tended to over complicate things. Learning how to make things simpler in both my business and my mom life has been incredibly valuable. 

2. You Are a Badass, by Jen Sincero

The mind is an incredibly powerful thing.  As a recovering perfectionist, I have spent a lot of time in my head, painstakingly over-analyzing and worrying. 

Through the power of self-discovery, I’ve learned how to command my thoughts and attention to create what I want to experience.  

You Are a Badass reinforces many of those principles and helps me remember that the universe is friendly and wants me to have my heart’s deepest desires. I’m the only thing standing in my way.  

I’d venture to say the same is true for you, my friend.

3. The Power of Habit, by Charles Duhigg

F.M. Alexander once said, “People don’t decide their futures.  They decide their habits, and their habits decide their futures.” It’s a powerful thought, and one I happen to entirely agree with after reading The Power of Habit. 

A habit, according to Merriam Webster, is an acquired mode of behavior that has become nearly or completely involuntary.  

Did you read that? Involuntary. In other words, once something becomes a habit, it requires zero willpower or effort on your part.  Imagine how much you could achieve if you intentionally created habits that serve you?  

The Power of Habit explains the “habit loop,” which enables you to understand how habits are formed and how they can be broken.  Coupled with The ONE Thing, I learned how to turn my lead dominoes into habits.  

Life changing, my friend.  

4. The 10x Rule, by Grant Cardone

This book is all about how to achieve big goals by taking massive action that most people simply will not take. While I’ll state openly that I don’t agree with everything Mr. Cardone says in this book, one of the “aha!” moments I took from it is not to be afraid of problems. 

Every time you hit a new level of success, you will be presented with a new set of problems, guaranteed.  But that’s a good thing.  It means you’re growing.  If you lose 100 pounds and have to buy an entirely new wardrobe, that’s a problem that needs to be solved, right?  But it’s a problem that came as a result of you achieving your goal, and is therefore something to be appreciated.  

The principle reminds me of a quote my business coach and mentor, Susie Moore, often repeats: “Overwhelm is a stress response to a lot of things going right.” I’ll take that kind of overwhelm any day.  

Fair warning:  Mr. Cardone is definitely an “in your face” kind of guy.  In the Audible version of his book, which he narrates himself, he shares that he was going to call Chapter 6, “Don’t Be a Little Bitch,” but in an effort not to offend anyone, instead titled it, “Assume Control for Everything.”  The main idea is that “crybabies, whiners and victims just don’t do well at attracting or creating success.” 

Personally, I like that.  I enjoy being held accountable. There’s something very empowering about realizing that you create what you experience—good and bad.  And the simplicity is kind of beautiful: there’s really only one person to “blame” when things don’t go right, and she’s staring back at me when I look in a mirror. 

While it can be hard to swallow when what you create is not so ideal, it’s also pretty wild to realize you create the good stuff, too.  I love being reminded to step into my God-given power to create what I want to experience.  It’s very cool stuff.  

So there you have it!  The four books that changed my life and that I believe every mom should read.  Go get to reading, mama. And if you legit “don’t have time” to sit down with a book, Audible instead while you drive, work out or do laundry.  

Leaders are readers, and you, my friend, are one of the most powerful leaders in the world: a mother. Give yourself the gift of personal growth.  You deserve it, girlfriend.  

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5 Things My Former Career in Direct Sales Taught Me That I Still Use Daily in My Mom Life

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My foray in direct sales was born from a lack of fulfillment, boredom, and a smidge of desperation. 

Wait.  That sounds dramatic.  Let me back up. 

See, before I became a mom, I was a lawyer practicing commercial litigation for a prestigious, international law firm.  (I know—sounds very complicated and grown up, but it’s just a fancy way of saying I got paid to go to court on behalf of big companies and fight about money all day long). 

Suffice it to say, I didn’t love my job, despite that I was compensated well, had a strong sense of independence and, admittedly, felt kind of important when I went to court and judges listened to me when I talked.  At the end of the day, it was a grind and a half.  

So when I became pregnant with my daughter, I hatched a diabolical plan with my husband whereby I would pay down as much of my law school debt as possible before giving birth, and once our daughter was born, I’d quit to be a stay-at-home mom. 

Our plan went swimmingly. We paid down my student loans, I gave birth to a beautiful baby girl, took my full twelve weeks’ maternity leave and, when I returned to the office, promptly gave my notice.  I bid farewell to Big Law like, “Peace out, homies!” and stepped into my new role as CEO of Casa Oden without looking back.  

But fast forward two years and I had gone from a high-powered lawyer in pencil skirts and heels to an exhausted mom of two under 2 who was fairly consistently covered in bodily fluids that were not her own.  After a lot of denial, I finally admitted out loud one day that I wasn’t happy.  

The truth was I had completely lost myself in motherhood. I had nothing that was mine outside of being “Mommy” and “wife.” I knew to find myself again, I needed something just for me.  

The thought of going back to Big Law gave me hives, though, so I decided to start a direct sales business from home instead. I began my career with an organic food company and then moved on to one of the largest cosmetic and skin care companies in the world. At both places I saw tremendous success, earning all-expenses-paid vacations for me and my husband at the first company and a free car at the second.  

Now, let me stop right here and acknowledge the elephant in the room. 

I know direct sales gets a bad rap in the media. And as someone who’s actually walked the walk as a direct seller, I can sort of understand where some of that negative press comes from. But I also know being in direct sales can add immense value to your life.  

Here’s what I learned: 

 1) Always ask for what you want. 

When your job is to sell products, book parties and recruit new team members, you have to do a lot of asking.  Like, a lot a lot.  Over the years I realized asking for what you want is a skill that applies to all areas of your life. 

“Do you have any more sizes in the back?” 

“Can I get that without cilantro and add tomatoes and cucumbers?”

“Will you please donate to my kids’ school fundraiser?” 

“Will you pay me $100 per published article instead of $75?”

What’s the worst that can happen? They say no?  OK, fine.  Let’s indulge this terrifying what-if scenario.  They say no.  And .  . . are you any worse off than if you hadn’t asked? 

Nope.  

But what if they say yes?

To paraphrase the Bible, you have not because you ask not.  Ask for what you want, girlfriend. 

2) Be nice to strangers for no reason at all. 

When I was a sales director for the cosmetics and skincare company, one of the ways I was told to find new hostesses and team members was to genuinely compliment random strangers wherever I went and then invite them to the latest event I had on the books.  We called it “warm chatting,” and although it made me cringe, it also led to me meeting some amazing women with whom I’m still friends to this day.  

After I stepped down from my leadership role with that company to start Your Ideal Mom Life, I found myself continuing to warm chat, without the pitch.  

“Your eyelashes are amazing.” 

“You have gorgeous skin.” 

“I love your nail color.”

And you know what?  I discovered that it feels good to hand out compliments.  Try it.  At worst, some rando you’ll never see again thinks you’re nuts. At best, you make another woman’s day. 

3) Put yourself out there. 

Direct sales ain’t nothin’ if not a repeated series of putting yourself out there.  Is it possible people will make fun of you?  Yep.  Might they reject your offer?  You betcha.  Is it scary?  Uh, yeah.

But the more you put yourself out there, the closer you get to your goal.  And more importantly—the more you grow. 

Listen, girlfriend. You think Oprah became Oprah by playing it small?  Do you think Amazon would exist if Jeff Bezos hadn’t put it all on the line and fought to make a dream born in his garage a reality—despite all his critics?  Would you and I even be friends if I hadn’t decided to put my soul on the internet and start this blog? 

Remember that your kids are watching you. When they see you do hard things, they learn that they can do hard things, too. They grow from watching you stretch yourself and play full out.  They emulate how you deal with adversity and disappointment, and make the connection when they see you go after your goals and achieve big things. 

And they notice when you don’t.  They see all the times you choose to settle instead.

So get out there, mama. 

Try out for the ladies doubles league at the tennis center. 

Apply for the Executive Board of the PTA. 

Ask for the promotion.  

Start your own company.  

Run for office.  

Be the girl who puts herself out there and just goes for it.  

4) Be very intentional with your time.

You and I both know being a mom involves a beastly time management struggle.  Keeping the small humans in your house fed, bathed, educated, active and entertained on a daily basis is no joke. And of course, that’s on top of brushing your own teeth and hair, eating, sleeping, exercising and nurturing your relationship with your spouse. Add a home-based business to the mix and things can get ugly, fast.  

Being your own boss requires a set of habits most of us simply didn’t pick up in our early years, like being intentional with the 24 hours we have each day.  Having a direct sales business brutally exposed my deficiencies in this area, and led to me living in survival mode for several years.

But eventually, through lots of trial and improvement, I figured it out.  

Today, I’m like a time management ninja. And I can tell you with absolute certainty that doing a mental dump, prioritizing and time blocking are vital not only to running a business, but to creating a mom life you love. 

No doubt, there is a very real relationship between feeling confident and powerful in your mom life and deliberately planning out your week in advance.  

In fact, I’ve created an entire business around teaching working moms how to own their day, crush their goals and lose the mom guilt. (And it’s life changing, if I do say so myself).

Remember: you are the center of your household. When you become intentional with your time, you stop feeling overwhelmed and spread thin and start experiencing more patience and joy, and that will spill over into everything you do. 

Everything.  I’m telling you, friend, this stuff is legit.  

5) Don’t make up stories in your head about why other people do the things they do.

During my direct sales career, I reached out to a lot of people, met a ton more, and planted a lot of seeds. And let me tell you: not all of those seeds sprouted.  That means I sent like, a gazillion texts and emails that went unanswered and made plenty of phone calls that were never returned. 

At first, the temptation to invent a story in my head about why I didn’t hear back was almost irresistible. 

They don’t like me. 

Maybe she thinks I’m pushy and annoying. 

She wants to say no but doesn’t know how to tell me. 

And while sure, some of those hunches were undoubtedly true, the reality was that it usually wasn’t any of those things.  In fact, most of the time it had absolutely nothing to do with me or my business.  

Eventually, I realized I needed to give people grace and stop making everything about me.  Most people are completely absorbed in their own stuff.  They’re not plotting all the ways they can be intentionally rude or unresponsive.

So when people don’t respond to your text messages or call you back; if they ignore your emails; when they unfriend or unfollow you—don’t think for one second that you actually know why.  

In most cases, it ain’t got nothin’ to do with you. Maybe you reached out at the precise moment her kid barfed in the car, and therefore responding to you is (obviously) not a priority.  Perhaps her baby got a hold of her phone and unfriended all of her friends on social media.  Maybe her email got hacked and she deleted her account.  

Give people the benefit of the doubt and don’t make it about you. 

So. Freeing. 

I know direct sales isn’t for everyone, and that’s a beautiful thing. You’re shining in your unique gifts and talents, and the world needs that. In the end, direct sales wasn’t my forever career, but I’m glad I had the experience.  Aren’t you?  It led me to creating Your Ideal Mom Life—a calling I would never have otherwise discovered.   

Wherever you are on your journey, keep shining, girlfriend.  Don’t underestimate where your path is leading you.  And don’t forget to share all the beautiful nuggets you pick up along the way. 

I promise to keep doing the same for you.  

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That Time I Didn’t Even Try

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I go for stuff.  I’m not the girl who sits around waiting for life to happen to her.  I don’t complain about so-called “bad luck” or hate on others’ success.  No way.  I believe that we create everything we experience in life and, with God as my source, I step into my power and I go for stuff.  

That’s not to say I don’t suffer from attacks of imposter syndrome (or as I like to call it, the You Can’t Monster).  To be very clear, I’m a big fan of the ugly cry on a rough day.  

So in early 2020 when I signed up to do a Spartan “sprint” (which, mind you, is several miles of hell, complete with 21 obstacles, barbed wire and a lot of mud), I thought, OK.  I’m gonna go for this.  

But then COVID happened and the race was postponed.  My Hard Exercise Works gym, where many a Spartan athlete is born, was forced to temporarily close. We all stayed home for a several tumultuous months and I eventually fell out of doing my crazy-hard workouts.  And when the race was finally rescheduled in 2021, it all felt a lot less, well . . . fun, to the extent getting filthy while voluntarily enduring pain in the name of fitness ever seemed fun.

But because I’m the girl who goes for stuff, I also tend to be very, very hard on myself.  I do not let myself off the hook easily.  And I’ve been known to berate myself when I feel I’ve underperformed or not shown up the way I thought I should.  

Thus, twenty-four hours before the race began found me in an intense debate.  With . . . ahem, myself.  

“You said you were going to do it, so you should do it.”  

I nodded.  “Yeah.  I should just do it.”  I wrinkled my nose.  “But I really don’t want to.” 

“Yeah, but you’ll be stronger for it.  You’ll definitely grow.”    

“I know I will.”  I sighed.  “But I really don’t want to.” 

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I intermittently had this back-and-forth conversation with myself all day.  Finally, when my bestie and fellow Spartan texted me to find out what I had decided, I wrote back, “I guess I should just do it.”  

She responded, “Or you could not do it and be ok with it.” 

Wait.  What? 

You know that moment in movies where the protagonist has an epiphany and the music swells, the lighting gets brighter and the camera swoops in?  Yeah, that happened for me in that moment.  Yes!  I thought. I could just not do it and be ok with it.  Yes! 

So that’s what I did. 

I took myself out of the race before I even laced up my shoes.  I quit.  I didn’t even try.  

And damn, girlfriend, it felt gooooooood. 

It felt so good to give myself permission to do exactly what I wanted, even if that meant I wasn’t going to do something I had signed up for.  

It was quite a foreign experience.  Remember, I’m the girl who goes for stuff.  

So as that girl, I have to make sure you don’t get me wrong.  

I’m not saying it’s ok to bail on your commitments willy nilly.  It is not cool to leave people hanging when they’re depending on you to show up.  I’m not saying you should start things and not finish them.  And I am definitely not saying it’s ok to make excuses when the going gets tough.  

Because duh, if we constantly did that, we’d never accomplish our big, hairy audacious goals.  We wouldn’t learn how to do new things.  We’d never grow.  

What I am saying is that when your heart’s not in it, when you’re not doing it for the right reasons, when no one else is going to be put out, it’s ok to give yourself a break.  

In my case, my bestie had already done two Spartan races and had made it very clear to me that she felt no qualms about skipping this one.  I, on the other hand, had not been training for it.  In fact, I was dreading it.  My heart just wasn’t in it.  

And that’s why giving myself a break on this one was the most loving thing I could have done for myself. 

All you perfectionists out there, all you mamas who are so hard on yourselves, who never, ever let yourself off the hook—let that sink in. 

It’s ok to give yourself a break.  Giving yourself a break can be the deepest form of self care.  Truly, it’s an act of love.  

So next time you’re faced with forcing yourself to do something you really don’t want to do and that truly won’t hurt you to skip, ask yourself:  Is my heart in this?  Am I doing this for the right reasons?  Is anyone else’s life going to be more difficult if I decide not to follow through?  

If the answer to those questions is no, skip it.  Give yourself the break.  Take the win that comes with loving yourself enough to know when you need to take care of you and just let it be easy.  Stop being so brutally hard on yourself. 

Trust yourself, girlfriend.   And allow yourself to receive all the beautiful blessings that flow your way when you do. 

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The Power of a Morning Routine

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Your Ideal Mom Life Morning Routine

As moms, we are always on call.  Literally. If my kids are awake, I can guarantee I’ll be hearing, “Mom!” at least twenty times throughout the course of a single day.  Sometimes they call me to tattle on each other.  Other times they need help finding something and believe I have a magical honing device that can conjure lost sweatshirts, face masks or homework out of thin air.  Sometimes they’ve hurt themselves and need a kiss and a snuggle.  Most often, though, it’s to ask for a snack.  At this stage of their lives, my kids depend on me for a lot.  

It’s beautiful. And it’s exhausting.  

So, like most moms I know, one of the things I crave the most is alone time.  

The question is, how do we get it? 

I won’t claim I have a one-size-fits-all solution, but after a ton of trial and improvement, I do know what works for me.  

→ Insert morning routine here. ← 

That’s right.  With an intentional morning routine comes guaranteed “me” time.  Now, let me assure you right off the bat that I am not about to tell you to wake up at 5 AM. But if you’re not currently getting time to yourself every single day, I am going to tell you to wake up earlier than you are now.  

OK, before you close this window of your browser, hear me out!

Waking up earlier doesn’t have to be painful. Promise. 

You only need 20 minutes to yourself—before everyone else in your house gets up—to “fill your cup,” so to speak. What you do in that 20 minutes is entirely up to you. Maybe it means you get to sit somewhere cozy and enjoy that first, blissful cup of stress-free coffee without anyone interrupting you.  It might mean you read that novel you’ve been meaning to dig into, or that you meditate, journal or exercise. I use that first 20 minutes to work on my biggest, hairiest, most audacious goal.  

Whatever you do with that time, I strongly urge you to spend it on something you love. Something that’s just for you.    

Now, if you’re shaking your head at me like, “Nikki, I snooze three times before I make it out of bed as it is.  How am I supposed to wake up twenty minutes earlier?!” 

I got you, girlfriend.  

Here’s what I suggest:  start with five minutes earlier.  Just five.  (You’ve got five in you, come on). 

And then once you have that down, set your alarm for 10 minutes earlier.  And when you’re rocking that, move it to 15.  Eventually, you’ll get to 20 minutes like it ain’t no thing.  And all the while, as you’re working your way up to 20, you’re getting an extra five, ten or fifteen minutes in your day of guaranteed “me” time. 

Take a sec’ to imagine how glorious that would be. You’re a morning routine away from making it happen.  

To really seal the deal, I also suggest going to bed at the same time every night (and no, that’s not code for, “Go to bed at 8 PM”).  

My go-to bedtime is 10 PM.  To help me stay on track, I use the “🛏 Sleep | Wake Up” tool in the Alarm section of the built-in Clock app on my iPhone. Going to bed at the same time every night solidifies my routine in the morning, and allows me to get seven and a half hours of sleep before I’m up at 5:30 AM to enjoy the peace, quiet and productivity that comes with the stillness of my household at that hour.  I’ve worked my way up to a sixty-minute morning routine which, in addition to allowing me to work on my BHAGs, gives me time to mediate, journal and pray.  

Try it this week.  Decide what you would do with guaranteed alone time.  Then set your alarm for five minutes earlier than it is now (or twenty if you’re feeling robust) and start going to sleep at the same time every night.  

And let me know how it goes!  I’ll be thinking of you as I’m sipping on my peppermint tea tomorrow morning.

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What You and I Have in Common with a Real-Life Princess: My Takeaway from Meghan Markle’s Interview

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No family is perfect.  I think we all know this, inherently, but was I the only mom in America who was kind of relieved to get certain confirmation that even the Royal Family has issues? (By the way, if you have no idea what I’m talking about, you must check out Meghan Markle and Prince Harry’s incredibly raw interview with Oprah.  Make some popcorn beforehand.  You’ll thank me later).  

For an hour and a half, I watched on the edge of my seat as the Duchess of Sussex poured her heart out to Oprah about the pain, isolation and cruelty she endured at the hands of the British media during her tenure as a senior working member of the Royal Family. I was fascinated by her honesty and bravery.  Riveted, I found myself nodding in agreement and commenting out loud despite being alone in my home office.  “Yes,” I said, more than once.  “I totally agree.”  

I’m not a world-famous princess, I get that.  And no, the British media (or, um, any media for that matter) isn’t watching my every move and plotting how they can assassinate my character before the nation while my majestic in-laws look on, smiling.  

But I think we can all relate to bits of what Meghan shared, don’t you?  I mean, hasn’t anyone ever treated you unfairly or said things about you that were completely false?  

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When my husband and I first started dating, he was navigating this weird, financial dynamic with his family.  As the first to graduate from high school, then college, and then graduate school, he was expected by his parents and siblings alike to pay for them when they got together for family events—even if the event was his own birthday.  If one of them fell behind on a bill, his phone would ring. 

They weren’t even grateful.  They expected it.  

It was clear to me as an outsider that his family didn’t want to acknowledge the truth, which was that he had built himself up from scratch. He had busted his ass to pay his tuition and pass his exams, and even as a full-blown professional he never stopped hustling.  With that truth came a hard pill to swallow:  they could do it too, if they worked hard enough.  It was much easier for them to believe that he was simply “lucky,” and that he suddenly “got rich.”   

So they held their hands out instead.  And my husband, for his part, forked it over.  

By the time I came into the picture, he was sick and tired of that dance.  Realizing that he had been complicit by stepping in tune to the music for so long, he slowly, deliberately changed the moves.  He started to push back. He asked his family to pay their portions of the bill at restaurants.  He refused to give them money willy nilly.  

And let me tell you:  they did not like it.  

Unfortunately for me, my husband had changed his tune right around the inception of our relationship. And his family, not believing for one second that he could have grown so defiant on his own, chose to blame me.

So yeah, that was a fun way to start things off.   

For months, they whispered behind my back about how I wouldn’t “let” my then-boyfriend give them money (false) because I had gotten him his “cushy” job working for a global conglomerate financial institution through my law firm (false) and felt entitled to tell him how to spend his paycheck.  False, false, false.  Mind you, however, no one had the guts to say any of that nonsense to my face, or to his.  

And then he asked me to marry him.  

It wasn’t until my bridal shower, when none of the women of his family bothered to show up, that I became crushingly aware they harbored such ill feelings toward me.  I was devastated.  

That’s when it all came out—everything they had been saying and had believed about me that wasn’t true. And I’m not gonna lie.  I didn’t take it well. I felt victimized and betrayed. I was angry at the unfairness of it all.  And although my husband was fuming at his family and very squarely in my corner, I felt alone.  

What I eventually learned from that experience, and what Meghan reminded me as she spoke so candidly to Oprah, is that it is vital in those moments to know who you are.  But like, really know it, deep in your core.   

You’re kind.  You’re smart.  You’re important.  You can do hard things.  You don’t give up easily.

When you know those things about yourself, no one can take them away from you.  When you truly know who you are, you can center yourself in that certainty to draw strength.  No matter what anyone else says about you.  

Listen, girlfriend, people are probably gonna hate on you at some point in your life.  Maybe they’ll be strangers who envy that you’re putting yourself out there and wanna put you down to feel better about themselves.  Maybe they’ll be your own family.  Being certain about who you are doesn’t necessarily make it hurt less.  As Meghan showed us, it’s ok to feel the hurt. Even royals cry. But it does make it easier to see your choices.

We get to decide what we do with those experiences.  We get to choose if we’re going to find the lesson and allow it to make us stronger.  How we show up for ourselves is completely up to us.

A decade and two kids later, my in-laws and I get along better than I had thought possible.  My husband released the elephant from the room, set them straight, and we haven’t looked back since.  

OK, fine. 

Every once in a blue moon, I look back.  But I’m clear now on why I created that experience and what I took from it.  I’m grateful for it, because it revealed a blind spot and gave me an opportunity to grow immensely.  

And as Meghan so beautifully reminded the world, we all get those opportunities.  

The next time you get one, my encouragement to you is to remember who you are.  Choose to find the lesson in the hurt and to absorb the strength that comes with experiencing it. 

Show up like a real-life princess. As it turns out, we’re not so different after all.

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