How to Make Yourself a Priority (Without the Mom Guilt)

Posted on December 31, 2020 by Nikki Oden

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I used to feel like I was full of crap.

Outwardly, it seemed like I had a really successful home-based business, that I was spending tons of quality time with my kids and that I was giving my marriage the attention it deserved.

Truth?

I was working like a dog. If you want to think of work and life as two ends of a seesaw, my tush was firmly planted on the ground on the “work” side. There were a whole lot of trips to the park and museum I missed, lots of eating in the car, piles of laundry that didn’t get done, and more “mom fails” than I’d care to admit even to myself.

I hit rock bottom with my mom life when my kids were 6 and 4 (they’re 8 and 6 now). It was one of those mornings where everything that could go wrong did. By 7:15 am, I was ready to pull my hair out.

My son absolutely would not listen to me, which meant we were going to be late getting out the door. I knew that would snowball into being late getting my daughter to school, which would in turn delay me getting my son to daycare, and then I would be late getting myself to my part-time lawyer job. With each pout, foot stomp and furrow of the brows, I grew more and more impatient with my son, until finally, I lost my temper and yelled at him like a maniac. (And then, of course, I felt like a complete monster).

Whimpering, he got dressed and we got in the car, but we didn’t get to my daughter’s elementary school until the late bell was ringing. She was more anxious than any kindergartener should ever be as we pulled up to the front of the school, where they were about to close and lock the front door. Watching my sweet little girl trying to run to the door under the weight of her huge backpack—the very last student still outside the building—crushed me in a way I can’t explain. I felt like I had totally let her down.

That’s when I lost it. I broke down into hysterical tears in my car, in front of my son, who kept murmuring from his car seat, “It’s ok, Mommy. It’s ok. Don’t cry.”

It was in that moment I accepted the truth that God was waving in my face. Something had to change with the way I was managing everything on my plate.

I constantly felt spread thin. I felt like I wasn’t taking care of myself. And I felt like I was always letting someone down—on both sides of the seesaw.

And don’t even get me started on the mom guilt.

Do you ever feel that way, too?

I promise you, there is another way.

After that day, I started making some changes. Slowly, in bite-sized chunks, after a lot of trial and improvement, I figured out how to focus on what matters most in life, love, business and motherhood. I got a grip on my time. I discovered how to be more of what I want to be and do more of what I want to do.

And I want that for you.

Keep reading for the deets on what I’ve learned (and continue to study every single day). But first, a quick word on why this is important.

Why This Matters

Because you matter. You are the center of your household. And when you experience more presence, patience, and joy, that’s going to spill into everything you do.

Do you think your relationship with your kids would be better if you had more patience? Do you think your marriage would be even more solid if you felt good about yourself? One hundred per cent.

And don’t you want that? (Duh, of course you do). So with that as our backdrop, let’s get this party started.

1) Stop Lying to Yourself.

Can we moms all band together and just get over the guilt thing? For reals. Mom guilt is a lie we have been telling ourselves for so long that we actually believe it. But does mom guilt make us better moms? Nope.

Do you know what does? Taking care of yourself.

You have to make yourself a priority. Remember that safety training all airlines make you watch when you’re about to take off—the one about “the unlikely event” that the cabin loses pressure? What do they always tell you? Put your mask on first, then help others. Why?

If you aren’t functioning at your highest and best, you can’t show up for anyone else.

Refusing to make time for self-care because you’ve guilted yourself into believing that every waking moment of your life should be spent on everyone else first—your boss, your kids, your husband, your dog—is not serving you. You will eventually burn out, and you’ll probably build up a whole bunch of resentment too. (In the airplane example, you might even faint). And then what good are you to anyone, especially your kids?

Remember, the only way to show up as the best version of you—whether that’s with respect to parenting or nurturing your marriage or kicking ass at work—is to take care of yourself. Put yourself at the top of the list. Set aside time to mediate, to exercise, to read, journal or pray.

Put your mask on first.

2) Set Boundaries.

Let’s get something straight right now. Not everything matters equally. We’ve got to stop acting like it does. Deal?

Seriously, friend, this piece of the puzzle is absolutely essential. If you find that you’re always saying yes to everything, even when you don’t want to, start setting some boundaries right away. (No wonder you feel overwhelmed and spread thin!)

Look, I get it. In many ways, motherhood is an act of juggling–juggling the time you spend on your work or business with the time you want to spend on yourself and the time you want to spend with your kiddos and keeping your house clean, your family (happily) fed and your laundry done, just to name a few. It can feel as if you’re throwing one ball high into the air just to give yourself enough time to catch another ball as it’s plummeting to the ground. This is where boundaries come in.

To set proper boundaries, you need to get crystal clear on your priorities. (Side note: The best place I’ve seen this concept explained is in the book, The One Thing by Gary Keller and Jay Papasan. A must read!). To do that, start by imagining that each main area of your life is a “ball.” Let’s say your job is one ball; your business (if you have a side hustle or own your own business) is another ball; your family is another; your friends and important relationships are another; your health is another; and your spirituality is another. Maybe if you have a hobby or a passion, that would be another ball.

The key to setting boundaries is understanding which balls are made of rubber and which are made of glass.

Family, important relationships, health and spirituality are glass balls. And when you drop a glass ball, it will shatter. Sure, you can try to put it back together again, but it will never be the same. That’s why you must set boundaries that protect your glass balls.

A rubber ball, on the other hand, will always bounce back up when you drop it. Work and business are rubber balls. Yes, work is important because it allows us to feed and clothe our families, keep a roof over our heads, and enjoy certain luxuries. Your work may even be a huge passion of yours.

But is there only one way to make a living? Is there only one way to produce income? Nope. That’s what makes work a rubber ball. While there are any number of jobs you might have in your lifetime, you only have one body and one soul. And your kids? Well . . . I don’t need to tell you twice that there is absolutely no replacing them.

Click HERE to learn the 3 things that all moms who are rocking it know!

Within each “major” glass ball and rubber ball are smaller glass and rubber balls. For example, at work, there may be items you need to treat as glass balls if you don’t want to get fired. On the flip side, with your family, there are plenty of items you can treat as rubber balls, like cooking every night or volunteering for the PTA bake sale. You get the idea. It all boils down to remembering that not everything matters equally, and when push comes to shove, remembering what matters most.

Once you are crystal clear on your priorities, setting boundaries that protect those glass balls becomes much easier. It also becomes a lot easier to see where we’re lying to ourselves or selling ourselves short. Because the truth, my friend, is when we say, “I don’t have time for that,” what we’re really saying is, “I choose not to make that a priority.” Remember that next time you’re tempted to brush off self-care or something for you because you “don’t have time” for it, and ask yourself if if you’re walking in alignment with your glass balls.

Now, if any of this boundary stuff sounds scary or overwhelming, don’t forget that it’s ok to start small. You can start with something as simple as setting a boundary around when you respond to texts, emails and phone calls that will ensure you’re always present with your family at meal time.

3) Speak to Yourself the Way You’d Speak to Someone You Love.

Yeah, I know. It’s easy to say you’re going to make yourself a priority and it’s easy to say you’re going to set boundaries. And maybe you’ve even gone the extra step of putting those promises in your calendar or setting alarms on your phone.

But when life happens and you wake up late or get slammed at work, aren’t the promises you made to yourself the first things you choose to ignore?

Yep. We’ve all been there.

So how do you actually keep those promises you make to yourself?

Well, you start by reminding yourself why all of this matters. Don’t forget why it’s important for you to make yourself a priority, and why you need to protect your glass balls.

Then, as with any goal, you’ve gotta start small. My recommendation? Start by making those calendar entries and alarms hard to ignore by changing the language you use for them. What I mean by that is instead of simply setting a reminder to “breathe” or “workout,” use words that will be powerful for you. Speak to yourself the way you would speak to someone you love. My favorite phrase is, “Choose yourself right now and [fill in the blank with what I promised myself I’d do].” Another effective one is, “Hi beautiful! Take some time right now to [fill in the blank with the promise you made to yourself].”

It sounds so simple (and it is!), but I promise you, it works. Try it. And the next time that alarm on your phone goes off, honor it. Keep the promises you make to yourself. Remember why this matters.

These three things will take you from feeling overwhelmed to rocking it in no time. Just stick with it. You’ve totally got this.

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What To Do When the Mean Girls Attack

Posted on November 20, 2020 by Nikki Oden

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When I became a legit adult—complete with my own home, car, checking account and fancy career—I thought all of that petty stuff I experienced as a teenage girl was behind me. You know what I mean. The cliques and the drama and the cat-fighting that are often the hallmarks of a woman’s adolescence.

And then . . . I became a mom.

Yeah, in theory we’re all adults, but sometimes in real life it can feel like we’re still in high school.

Very recently, a fellow “grown-up” was mean to me. On purpose. Hiding behind the anonymity the internet provides, she harshly criticized something I had created without providing any real feedback or basis for her opinion. She just wanted to hate on me, I guess. And it reminded me that those mean girls from high school are still around, and they’re still, well . . . mean.

You know what I’m talking about, right? Mean girl attacks happen all the time when you really think about it. Nasty reviews, rude comments on Facebook or Instagram and mom-shaming are all modern-day ways the mean girls attack. In my neck of the woods, two moms are even going at it with each other in federal court—over a dispute that started on the tennis court. (I can’t make this stuff up).

So what do you do when it happens to you? Well, I’m glad you asked. Here’s what my mean-girl slashings have taught me:

1. Experience Your Feelings.

Let’s be real. It sucks when someone is mean to you. It just plain doesn’t feel good. But as much as we’d all like to feel sunshine and butterfly kisses every day, the reality is that experiencing our lows is just as important as experiencing our highs. Truly, we couldn’t appreciate the good if we never experienced anything bad. So when someone is mean to you, be honest with yourself about how it feels. It’s ok to feel crappy about it. Don’t try to stuff it, resist it or push it aside. And definitely don’t distract yourself from feeling it. (Lying to yourself is never a good thing). Plus, as a friend and mentor once told me, pretending to be happy when you’re not is like painting over rust. The rust is still there, my friend.

Try a healthier (and more productive) approach: allow yourself to fully feel. Feel the anger, disappointment or hurt. Cry it out if you need to. Just remember that you get to decide how long you stay in that space. My advice? Fully experience it and then let it go.

I’m not gonna lie. After my recent brush with the anonymous mean girl, I definitely felt like someone had slapped me. I wallowed for a few hours in “I’m not good enough,” and “No one likes me,” and “Why am I even trying?”

And then . . . I let it go. I chose to remember the absolute truth that how someone on the internet rates me doesn’t change who I am. It definitely doesn’t dictate my future. I’ve got a lot to offer this world, and mark my words: I’m gonna.

And you know what, girlfriend? So are you.

Join thousands of other moms who are taking back their time and loving their mom life!

2. Find the Lesson.

Listen, as cliche as it sounds, there’s a lesson in every experience. It’s our job to find it. And not only for our own sakes, but also so we can guide our kids when this stuff happens to them. Because you know it will.

In my case, I learned a lot from my reaction. I realized just how important it is for me to be good at what I do—and to get validation from others that I’m good at what I do. I was desperate to know why the mean girl rated my work so poorly so I could rationalize it or defend myself in my own mind. The fact that she didn’t give me the satisfaction was bitterly disappointing.

But it also helped me to remember that not all criticism is created equal. Sometimes people criticize you because they’re truly trying to help you improve, or at the very least, want you to do better. Other times, they just wanna give you the finger.

My run-in with the mean girl was a great reminder that I can’t please everyone. Not everything I do or say is going to resonate and that’s ok. (No, really, it is ok). Let’s not ignore the majority of people who love and value you in favor of giving power and attention to the one who doesn’t.

I also learned not to make up stories in my head about why other people do the things they do. Seriously! When people don’t respond to your text messages or call you back; when they ignore your emails; when they give you bad ratings online, unfriend or unfollow you, don’t think for one second that you actually know why. In most cases, it ain’t got nothin’ to do with you. And let’s not forget. Some girls are just crabs in a bucket. They want to pull you down and keep you from rising up because they can’t stand the thought of someone else doing well. They just don’t believe they can shine if you do too.

Another thing I learned is that if I’m gonna stick it out as a content creator in this online world (and I fully intend to), I have to get used to people having opinions about what I create, and that those opinions won’t always be complimentary. Most of the time, their opinions won’t even give me much to go on. I have to draw on my own strength and self-worth to keep going. As one of my best friends said to me after the fact, weapons cannot be strong unless they move through intense heat and pressure. These bumps in my journey are applying heat and pressure to make me stronger.

Same goes for you, my friend. Unpleasant experiences are opportunities to grow. Plain and simple.

Finally, this whole thing taught me that I’ve probably been the mean girl to someone else. And chances are, so have you. Remember how it feels to be on the receiving end next time you’re tempted to dish it out. I know I will.

Let go of mom guilt and create a mom life you love!

3. Give Yourself the Win.

Just like there’s a lesson in every experience, there’s also (almost always) something good you can create from it too. Why not divert your energy and propel yourself into action? In my case, the mean-girl experience resulted in this post!

Next time you endeavor to be open and honest about who you are and what you have to offer, ask yourself, how can I create something worth criticizing? For real. Give yourself the win. Honestly, if you’re doing something that other people are bothering to criticize, you’re doing something right.

If you’re putting yourself out there, whether you’re starting your own business, crushing it as a direct seller, creating content or serving others in any way, you know it’s hard. It is not easy to wear your heart on your sleeve and literally bear your soul to the public at the risk of them trampling all over it.

But keep doing it.

Keep showing up. Keep giving it your all. Keep believing that you can do anything. Because you know what? You can.

Anyone can do anything, my friend. Why not you?

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3 Fun and Safe Ways to Do Halloween during COVID-19

Posted on October 18, 2020 by Nikki Oden

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3 Fun and Safe Ways to Do Halloween during COVID-19

If your family is anything like mine, Halloween is a very fun and exciting time. I mean, what kid doesn’t love getting dressed up as their favorite character, superhero or villain and traipsing around the neighborhood in pursuit of oodles and oodles of candy that their parents will actually let them eat?

This year, of course, things look a whole lot different because of the COVID-19 pandemic. Personally, I’m not keen on letting my kiddos pack themselves like sardines into doorways with strangers and stick their hands into bowls of candy that have just been pillaged by possibly hundreds of other little fingers. For sure, the Odens are taking a pass on traditional trick-or-treating this year.

Click HERE to learn how to let go of mom guilt and love your mom life!

That decision has, of course, left the CEO of Casa Oden (ahem—that’s me) with the task of figuring out precisely how to make Halloween fun and safe for our kids. And after some pondering, research and asking around, I’ve compiled a few great ideas!

So if you’ve been searching for some trick-or-treating alternatives, I got your back, girlfriend. Check out these 3 fun and safe ways to do Halloween this year:

1) Do It Virtually.

Have a costume parade on Zoom or Google Meet with other families. Or do a virtual pumpkin carving contest. You could even have a virtual Halloween party. Share a Halloween cocktail recipe with the other parents ahead of time that you can all enjoy while your kiddos are showing off their costumes and chowing down on candy. (My favorite Halloween cocktail is The Witches’ Brew. Click HERE for the recipe). The best part? You can “get together” with family and friends from other cities and states you wouldn’t ordinarily see on Halloween.

The possibilities with this one are endless! And without a doubt, it is the safest option. Will it be the same? Of course not. But chalk it up as another one of those experiences that makes 2020 extra memorable.

2) Do It from a Distance.

If you still want to get out and trick-or-treat on October 31st, there are ways to reduce your risk. Wearing a mask and keeping at least six feet apart from other trick-or-treaters go without saying. It’s probably also a good idea not to take candy out of bowls or from people’s hands at their doorsteps. The CDC is recommending folks assemble individual bags of candy and leave them out for people to grab. (Side note: that’s also a genius way for you to hand out candy without upping your risk. Just be sure to wash your hands thoroughly for 20 seconds before assembling to keep everyone safe!)

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My recommendation would be to only accept candy that is packed in individual bags you can retrieve from the end of a driveway or some other spot that doesn’t require you to get too close to others. And I’d take it a step further at home and put all the candy in quarantine for a few days just in case.

3) Do It Scavenger-Hunt Style.

This fun and safe Halloween option for 2020 is by far my favorite, and the one we’re going with this year. Much like an Easter egg hunt, the kids will grab their baskets—er, Halloween buckets—and search for candy in a designated area in the yard. To add some extra fun, we may even give them a time limit. (I find it delightful to watch my kiddos run around in glee trying to find stuff. Is that just me?). This option does require some visibility, however, so you’ll also need flashlights or to do the hunt before sundown. Alternatively, you could do it indoors. Either way, it’s sure to be a hit!

Momming through a global pandemic has created many challenges, but trick-or-treating doesn’t have to be one of them. I say, let it be easy.

I’m (virtually) raising my Witches’ Brew to you. Cheers to staying safe and healthy this Halloween!

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How to Create a “To-Don’t” List

Posted on September 13, 2020 by Nikki Oden

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I pride myself on being really good at creating to-do lists. I would go so far as to say I’m a master, if I may be so bold. (Side note: creating an effective to-do list is something I explain in detail during The Mom Life Challenge. If you haven’t checked that out yet, click HERE already!)

The last six months, however, have been enlightening, to say the least. Thanks to the pandemic, my plate went from crowded and piled high to having room for another entree. As time passed and more and more activities went virtual or were cancelled altogether, I started experiencing something profound.

Margin.

Extra time. Time to sleep. To journal daily and read for pleasure. To go on morning walks and afternoon bike rides with my kiddos and hubby. Time to write and to cook. To meditate. To intentionally pray.

And now that my county is entering phase 2 of reopening, opportunities to add things back to my plate will undoubtedly present themselves. Which got me thinking . . . now is the perfect time to create a list of things to stop doing—or as I like to call it, a “to-don’t” list.

I won’t claim that there’s a right or a wrong way to make one, but I will suggest a few focusing questions you can ask yourself as you’re evaluating what to keep on and what to scrape off your plate.

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Question 1): Was this activity serving me (has my life been less rich or joyful without it)?

It might seem obvious, but it’s worth saying out loud: continuing to do things that don’t serve you is like flooring the gas pedal while slamming on the brakes. It’s not getting you anywhere! If you’re realizing now that an activity you were doing before was sucking the life out of you (at worst) or simply not adding to your life (at best), stop doing it!

Or you can think about it this way: if you found yourself wishing that this activity might go virtual or be straight-up cancelled because of the pandemic, it probably (read: definitely) belongs on your to-don’t list. Even certain networking or accountability groups might rightfully find themselves on your to-don’t list. After all, you are the five people you hang around the most. Make sure they’re adding to your life.

If, on the flip side, you truly miss the activity, congrats on having discovered, in no uncertain terms, that it should remain in your life. I feel this way about tennis. Because of the pandemic, the tennis club I’m a part of decided not to participate in the local league this season. That means no practices, no matches and no private lessons. And while that also means I’m saving time (and money), I miss it. A lot. I can’t wait until I can add it back onto my plate.

One thing I haven’t missed? Working out at a gym. I almost feel blasphemous saying that (not to mention unsupportive of my local gym owner), but it’s true. I’ve been finding that my sweat-from-home routine has been very challenging—not to mention one that I can begin immediately after I roll out of bed and one that has me in the shower mere seconds after it’s over. As sad as it makes me because I love the people there, it’s going on my to-don’t list for now. [But as a sidebar, if you can think of a way I can continue to support my local gym owner, please let me know!]

Question 2): Have I formed a healthy new habit that should take priority over this old activity?

It’s easy to focus on what’s gone wrong these last six months, and I don’t say that flippantly. I know many people have lost jobs and even loved ones. Isn’t it also true, though, that some healthy habits have taken root in our lives?

For me, one such habit is journaling. Although I love to write and have kept a diary since I was 12, when I became a mom, journaling fell off of my radar. I would buy beautiful journal after beautiful journal and then shove them in my bedside drawer and write them off (pun intended—ha!) as something I didn’t have time to do now, but would . . . one day.

Well, friends, “one day” came sooner than I thought. In the early days of quarantine, I found myself with serious writer’s block. I started to feel really bummed about it, until my husband suggested I start journaling to get my creative juices flowing again. (Seriously, I love that guy). So I did, and I fell completely in love with it. It’s cathartic and cleansing and I don’t see myself ever stopping.

So what about you? Have you picked up a healthy new habit? If so, what might have to fall off of your plate to make room for it permanently?

Question 3): What could I say yes to if I said no to this?

Or put another way, what would I have to say no to if I said yes to this? My friend Yamiek from Rockstar Career Moms told me recently that the pandemic helped her realize she was wasting tons of time before watching mindless television and scrolling through her newsfeed on FB. Remembering that our kiddos are always watching us, she challenged herself to experience her own life instead of someone else’s on TV or on social media. By saying no to those activities, she’s been able to say yes to more abundance in her family and professional lives.

Remember, time invested in one area is time away from another. As moms, it’s our duty to command our time so that we can be our highest and best—not only to the people who love and depend on us, but to ourselves. When you think of it that way, answering this focusing question becomes a lot easier. The trick is to only give your best yes (and to say no without being mean).

Click HERE to learn how to LOVE your mom life again!

A word of encouragement

Don’t freak out! Just like a to-do list, a to-don’t or “stop doing” list is fluid. Editable. Not written in stone. You can always add to it or remove things from it.

The important thing is that you have a to-don’t list, so you can periodically evaluate where you might be giving too much of yourself and not enough to yourself.

Try it out! You got this, girlfriend.

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How to Tame the Morning Whirlwind

Posted on August 16, 2020 by Nikki Oden

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Well. It’s that time of year again. We are heading back to school. In these unprecedented times, that means different things for all of us. Where I live (in Palm Beach County, Florida), “back to school” means mandatory distance learning from computers at home. In other areas, like where my friends live in Wisconsin and Montana, “back to school” means literally going back into the school building. Either way, it all has one universal meaning . . . the return of the weekday morning rush.

Seriously, what is it about weekday mornings that turns the best of us into total stressballs? On any given Saturday, the sun shines gloriously through kitchen windows everywhere as birds chirp happily and parents and kids alike are properly stuffed with pancakes. But on a Tuesday? Shoes mysteriously cannot be found, homework folders go missing and snacks of all kinds forget to make their way into backpacks. (Please tell me this stuff doesn’t only happen in my house). Compound all of those happenings with a kiddo who woke up with an attitude, and even the most diligent time-blocking ninja will find herself begging for mercy.

This irksome phenomenon is one of the sneakiest time-suckers known to mom-kind, and I have a name for it . . .

The Morning Whirlwind.

The thing that makes the morning whirlwind so beastly is that it happens, well, in the morning, which means one nasty spin through it can set the tone for your entire day. For me, a rough morning often translates to feeling less powerful, which means that honoring my well-intentioned time blocks takes serious motivation.

The good news is that the opposite is true—meaning that once you tame the morning whirlwind you can take back your day and your power. Double whammy! And the best news? It’s honestly not all that hard. (If I can do it—trust me, girlfriend—you can too). With a few simple tweaks, you can turn that whirlwind into a breeze.

Here’s how I play it:

Tip #1: Plan tomorrow’s outfit the night before.

If you’re going to be heading back out the door this fall, getting dressed is something you’re going to have to start thinking about again. And nothing robs you of your power faster than not knowing what to wear and wasting precious minutes trying on outfit after outfit when you could be doing something more productive, like, I don’t know, eating breakfast? That kind of furious outfit changing also often leads to a downward spiral into the land of “I have nothing to wear,” which is one stop before “Nothing looks good on me.” Both places are to be avoided! So when I say plan your outfit, I mean plan it to the last detail, including your accessories.

If you have a particularly hectic work week, consider planning your entire week’s outfits on Sunday night, before the mayhem of the week begins. This strategy is particularly effective when you first create a rotating uniform of sorts. The “uniform” should be comprised of several pieces that you know look great on you. Old faithfuls, I call them. I totally relied on my weekly uniform when I was going into the office where I lawyer twice a week. My “uniform” consisted of four dresses I feel great in. If I wanted to get creative and wear something off-uniform I certainly would. But if I had no idea what to wear, I fell back on the uniform. See how simple?

Planning what to wear the night before is also really effective for your kiddos. In my house, although we will not be heading out the door each morning this fall, my children are, by command of the principal, expected to be properly dressed in compliance with the school’s dress code. That means solid colored polo shirts and navy, black or khaki bottoms. To avoid any time-consuming, ear-splitting meltdowns, we mos’ def’ will be deciding on outfits the night before. Easy. Also, not time sucking. Score!

Tip # 2: Get a Leg Up on Breakfast Before You Go to Bed.

Even though this fall I get a reprieve from the added pressure of making sure my kids are at the bus stop by 7:31 am each morning, we are still expected to be ready for school on time. For us, distance learning will be conducted live via Zoom, which means my children are expected to be logged on and in front of their computers (yes, in dress code) by 8:00 am sharp. That also means they need to be fed before all of that happens. And since I’ll be awake with them, I might as well eat too.

I don’t know about you, but for me, scrambling in the kitchen trying to find blender parts or a clean bowl in an effort to serve breakfast whilst ensuring that the small humans in my house are brushing their teeth, getting dressed and heading downstairs on time for said meal is like, a major drag. If I haven’t figured out the breakfast puzzle ahead of time, more often than not, that story ends with hasty, open-mouthed scarfing of an unsatisfyingly small granola bar and a whole lot of grumbling (mostly from me).

But it doesn’t have to be that way. Why not instead plan breakfast time the way you would plan anything else? The night before, wash the dishes you know you’re going to need in the morning (which for me, always includes a Nutri-Ninja cup and blade) so they’re ready to go and easy to find. Fill the coffeemaker with water and make sure the filter is clean. Get the coffee beans in the grinder (or measure out the grounds and get them in the filter). I’m a protein shake kind of gal, so I’ll measure out the ingredients the night before, stick them inside the blending cup and pop the whole thing in the fridge with a lid. If your kids are old enough to help themselves, put bowls and spoons out on the counter and ensure that the milk and cereal are within reach in the fridge and pantry.

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Whatever you decide on, just know that the few minutes it takes before bed to get this stuff in order will be well worth it in the morning. Your mornings will be, if I may be so bold, easy. And don’t you love easy?

Tip # 3: Slay the Hair and Makeup Beast.

If you are going to be seen by your co-workers, this is where the rubber meets the road. Unless you’re bald and allowed to wear ginormous sunglasses to work, the hair and makeup beast is no joke. Even if you’re only attending meetings virtually via video chat, you know as a woman that you have to put forth some effort in the looks department, lest people think you’re ill or exhausted—or, ouch!—unprofessional.

In my opinion, there is no greater time sucker in the morning than the hours painstakingly spent on hair and makeup by womankind every day. I’ve tested a few tricks on myself over the years and have learned how to get ready in half the time it used to take me, and mind you, I have wavy hair that must either be deliberately curled or straightened but cannot be left to its own devices.

Number one on my best friend list: this wet-to-straight flat iron. It will literally take your hair from wet to dry and straight in one step. I find that it works best if your hair has been air drying for about 15 to 20 minutes which, of course, is the perfect time to be putting on that outfit that you already picked out and doing your makeup.

Now. A word on makeup. As a former sales director one of the largest skincare and cosmetics companies in the world, I know a thing or two about the stuff. And by that, I mean I know the absolute minimum amount of products and time you need to look like you made an effort. All it takes is an eyebrow pen (or brow-colored eye shadow and an angled brush), mascara and a tinted lip balm. For my money, I love Sugar Rose. It’s buttery smooth, super hydrating, and adds just enough color to make you look energized. Plus a mirror isn’t needed to apply it, which means you can slather it on quickly, even as you’re walking into your destination.

Eyebrows matter the most! If you have time for nothing else, fill in your eyebrows. Extra points if you can slap on some mascara. At the very least, you’ll look like you tried. You’ll also look awake, which is generally a good thing.

If I’m Not Going Anywhere, Does Any of This Stuff Really Matter?

Oh yes, my friend. How you do one thing is how you do everything, and when it comes to having an awesome day, what you create each morning is vital.

Don’t forget. Your kiddos are watching everything you do. Show them that the greatest thing they can ever do is love themselves by demonstrating that you love yourself. That means choosing to start each day feeling powerful and proud of who you are. Living as your highest and best self means not trading away your beauty and strength, even if you are stuck at home for the time being.

And bonus! It doesn’t have to take forever or be such a frenzied mess. Go on and tame that morning whirlwind, girlfriend! You got this.

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Forty Is Fabulous

Posted on July 15, 2020 by Nikki Oden

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Today is my 40th birthday. They say life begins at forty. As I reflect today upon these last several years of my life, I thought it would be fun to imagine . . . what bits of wisdom would I impart to my 25-year-old self if we could sit down and enjoy a glass of Chardonnay together?

I think it would go something like this:

1) You’re gonna fall on your face. A lot. Don’t resist it. Don’t berate yourself for not getting it “right.” Your most brilliant moments will be born from those so-called failures. You’ll end up marrying the love of your life—after you marry the wrong guy first. You’ll ditch that career you toiled away in school for, and that everyone else thought made you so successful, but that you secretly hated. You’ll make friends who are true. You’ll discover you have a gift you can parlay into a career you absolutely love. You’ll find your purpose. You’ll find yourself.

2) Becoming a mom is the hardest thing you’ll ever do. Like, ever. You’re gonna start worrying the minute you know you’re carrying that baby and you will never, ever stop. Not when you make it to 12 weeks. Not when the nuchal translucency screening comes back normal. Not when she’s born and she’s perfect and beautiful. Not even now, when she’s 8 years old and a totally legit human with opinions and goals. Oh, and nursing and sleep training are going to kick your ass. You are going to cry a lot. And then you’re gonna have another baby 17 months later and do it all over again. (I know, girlfriend. I know).

But you know what else? You’re going to discover how precious life is. You’re going to learn how to give grace to others and to yourself. You’re going to understand from a place deep within your soul that a mother’s love for her children is infinite.

Aaaaannnnd you’re gonna realize you’ve been kind of bratty to your own mom for a few decades, so be nicer to her, ok?

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3) Try new things. Listen, girlfriend. You’ve got mad skills. Did you know you can pick up a sport as an adult and actually become good at it? Well, you can! And you will. (Tennis, anyone?) You’re also going to start working out like a beast when you discover—almost unwittingly—that CrossFit is not just for crazy people. It’s also for ordinary, mild-mannered, sleep-deprived moms who wanna lose some baby weight. And who woulda thunk it? You’re going to enjoy it so much that working out is going to become a habit.

You’re also going to become a scrapbooker. And a home cook. And a blogger. And a woman who can rock fake eyelashes. And all of it will feel a little scary and uncomfortable at first, but you’re gonna keep getting uncomfortable and trying new things.

In fact, you’re going to stretch yourself beyond your comfort zone over and over again, because you’ll figure out that growth is impossible inside your comfort zone. The magic happens out “there,” in the unknown. Embrace it. It’s really fun out there.

4) You’ll discover what you love. As a byproduct of trying new things, you’ll learn what it’s like to truly enjoy life, and how to give yourself what you deserve. You’ll become unapologetic about choosing joy. You’ll learn how to be still, how to allow, how to receive. You’ll learn to love yourself and who you’re becoming.

5) You’re gonna be ok, girlfriend. Everything is going to happen exactly the way it’s supposed to, because the nonnegotiable truth is that you create what you experience. You are powerful beyond measure. Everything you need to create a life you absolutely love is already inside of you. Sometimes harnessing that power will take you down paths you didn’t expect (see note one above), but when you choose to become deliberate and intentional about getting what you want, you will indeed create it.

So keep swimming. Don’t stop believing. You’ve totally got this.

Oh, and don’t worry about turning forty. There’s lots more Chardonnay and a lot less drama on this side of the fence. It’s actually quite fabulous. And so are you.

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Why You Should Appreciate the Doors that Slam in Your Face

Posted on June 19, 2020 by Nikki Oden

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I once asked hundreds of moms what their greatest daily challenge is. The response, hands down, was not having enough time. That didn’t surprise me in the least, and if you’re a mom, you’re probably nodding your head like, “Girrrl, ain’t nobody more crunched for time than a mama.”

Yet so often, we engage in colossal wastes of time and don’t even realize we’re doing it. There are the obvious time suckers, like doing yourself what others can do for you, or spinning in frenzied circles every morning when some simple planning and organization tricks could have you sailing smoothly (and quickly) out the door.

But there are also really sneaky thieves of our time. You can’t see them, can’t even pinpoint them, but they rob us of precious moments and keep us from fully enjoying life.

One such thief takes the form of doors that close in our faces. You know what I mean, right? Have you ever been dumped or fired and refused to let go? Or been unwilling to forgive yourself for something that you wish you had handled differently? Even now, might you be holding on to how things were before the pandemic, or how they “would have been” if none of this had happened?

This may be a harsh truth, friend, but pining away for what could have been is the ultimate waste of time.

I’mma say something obvious, because sometimes you (and I) need reminders: there is nothing you can do to change something that has already happened. Nothing. (Unless, of course, you have a time machine).

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Listen, I’m not saying you should dance around in glee when things don’t work out. It’s absolutely ok to be disappointed and hurt. And more importantly, it’s absolutely ok to express that you’re disappointed or hurt.

What I am saying is that, as with everything in life, you have a choice. You get to decide how long you want to stay in a space of anger, sadness or hurt. Experience it fully you must, but once you do, realize that choosing to hold on to it or wishing it had gone down differently is not only a giant waste of time, but it’s robbing you of the joy that has popped up in its place. And yes, joy has popped up in its place. You only have to turn your head and see it.

It’s like that famous quote from Alexander Graham Bell:

“When one door closes, another opens; but we often look so long and so regretfully upon the closed door that we do not see the one which has opened for us.“

My first marriage ended less than a year after it started. After five years of living together, we lasted eight measly months as husband and wife. For my part, it was humiliating and heartbreaking. I would stare at my wedding photos and feel like an idiot. I would go to friends’ engagement parties convinced that everyone secretly pitied me for being such a loser. When I had to change back to my maiden name, I literally thought I was going to die when everyone in my office received a new phone list with my name appearing in a different place alphabetically.

I felt unlovable. I felt like a complete and total failure. And you better believe I wasted hours upon hours wishing I had done things differently—wishing I could have avoided the hurt and the ugly I experienced in the months leading up to and after our divorce.

It took me years to appreciate that door slamming in my face. Now I can see it for what it was: a blessing. My only regret is that I wasted any time at all wishing that it had never happened. Had it not, I would never have been able to walk through the door that opened for me almost immediately, which led me to the father of my children and the absolute love of my life.

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I wonder, friend . . . do you find yourself still staring at the door that COVID-19 (or a former boss or an ex-husband) slammed in your face, instead of at the door that’s been opened for you, through which you might find joy, peace or healing?

I gotta say, ever since this whole COVID-19 thing happened, I’ve found myself with oodles of extra time. And I’m not gonna lie. It’s been awesome. Without anywhere to schlep my kids or myself because of offices, camps, organized group activities and even church being closed, it’s been—dare I say it?—sort of peaceful around here. (I mean, except for the periodic shrieking and intense, high-pitched squabbling over who destroyed what in whose world in Minecraft, of course). Slowing down, while certainly not without its challenges, has been a huge blessing.

Which begs the question:

If there are unexpected blessings when doors are slammed in our faces, could we find similar fortune by closing some doors ourselves?

I’m voting yes.

My encouragement to you today is to be grateful for the doors in your life that slam shut. Appreciate that God has made clear to you that the closed door isn’t the one you’re supposed to walk through. And the open door? It might just be behind you, where you’re not looking. Don’t stare at the closed one for so long that you forget to turn around and see it.

Oh, and while you’re at it, go ahead and shut those doors you should have closed a long time ago but left open. You’re making the air conditioner work twice as hard, girlfriend.

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Our Top Picks for Father’s Day Gifts for 2020

Posted on June 15, 2020 by Nikki Oden

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Father’s Day always creeps up on me. Every year, despite the best intentions, I find myself scrambling at the last second. And it doesn’t help that my husband and dad both seem impossibly difficult to shop for. But this year, I’m excited to say, I am on it.

But if you’re still scrambling, fret not. I promised you I’d always have your back when it comes to saving time, and shopping for Father’s Day definitely falls into the category of things for which there should always be an easy button.

Read on for a list of my top Father’s Day gifts for this year, including price points and links so you can quickly and easily grab something for that special guy in your life. Here’s to it being easy (and to you crushing Father’s Day this year)!

1) Your One-Stop Shop

If you’ve never bought your guy a Man Crate, you need to. Not only do they have something for every man, from the beer aficionado and bourbon enthusiast to the sports lover and beef jerky connoisseur, but each gift comes in a wooden crate. As in, a sealed wooden box that you need a crowbar to open. It’s very manly. Naturally, guys love it. Check out all the options here.

2) For the Guy Who Likes to Grill

My husband loves to grill. And when he grills, I don’t have to cook, so I very much appreciate and encourage it. His favorite grill tool is this tong/turner combo ($10), which allows him to easily flip steaks and burgers.

We also love this wooden grill scraper ($33). It’s a safer way to clean the grill than a metal brush, which can fray and allow harmful metal shavings to end up in your food. This wooden tool molds to the shape of your grill grates over time and works incredibly well to clean them. It’s a tool every master griller must have!

And for the guy who really loves to grill, consider these awesome subscription boxes from The Grill Masters. Your guy will get sauces, rubs and recipes plus a ton more. Check it out!

3) For the Handyman

The self-respecting handyman will have many a tool in his toolbox, but his favorite one might be this laser level and stud finder ($64). Not only does it find studs and throw off a perfectly level laser line, as its name implies, but it sticks to the wall via a plastic hanger with a push-pin device, so it operates hands free. That means you can continue sipping your Chardonnay while you supervise his “honey-do” tasks from afar. No need to hold the level steady for him while he hammers and nails.

Oh, and speaking of nails, check out this cool magnetic cuff ($13) he can wear when he’s working on a project. Now he can have everything at his fingertips. Sure beats him holding screws and nails in his mouth or you having to hand them to him one by one, right? Score!

4) For the T-shirt Guy

Funny and ironic tees are all the rage these days, and my husband, for one, loves them. For every holiday and birthday, I usually end up including a funny tee among his gifts, and he always wears them. Our favorite place to find them these days is Chummy Tees. They have a ton of hilarious t-shirt options, for men and women alike. If you’re stumped, I say grab a tee. Can’t go wrong!

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5) For the Bike Rider

It seems that many of us have taken to riding our bikes these days, and with summer in full swing, the weather is perfect for it. Nothing is more of a drag than when the bike tires are flat, though. The solution? This air pump ($80). My husband absolutely loves it. It fills tires in mere seconds at the press of a button, and it can also be used on other inflatable items, like pool floats. So handy!

6) For the Gadget Guy

I’m not a tech expert, but in my opinion this thingy is super cool! It’s a dual charger for his Apple watch and his phone ($54). What guy doesn’t like efficiency, am I right?

Another super cool gadget that is super popular right now is this UV smart phone sanitizer that doubles as a wireless charger ($53). It doesn’t use any chemicals, and will actually sanitize anything that fits inside. Pretty neat, huh?

And I’m a sucker for any gadget that keeps my eyeglasses clean. If your guy wears glasses, check out these fun speck cleaners ($20).

7) For the Raving TV Show Fan

If your husband is anything like mine, there’s some series that he absolutely loves and could watch over and over again. In our house, it’s The Office. Maybe in yours, it’s Game of Thrones or Stranger Things. Whatever it is, you’re sure to be able to find some obscure paraphernalia from the show on Etsy, like this Dwight Schrute painting that I cannot wait to give my husband. Etsy stuff tends to take a bit longer to create and ship, though, so you’ll want to jump on that fast.

8) The Backyardian (is that a word?)

For guys who love spending time in the backyard, you can’t go wrong with classic games like corn hole (you can find sets ranging from $38 to $120) or giant Jenga ($60) or Connect Four ($65). Plus the kids are sure to love these too!

Hopefully this list helped you find something special for your best guy! But don’t put too much pressure on yourself. After all, Father’s Day is about celebrating the man who made you a mama, and the man who raised you. Whatever you decide to give him he’s sure to love because it came from you. Wishing you lots of love and joy this Father’s Day!

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I Will Choose Love

Posted on June 3, 2020 by Nikki Oden

I believe in the greatness of humankind. I believe anyone can do anything. I believe good will always defeat evil. And I believe God loves us all.

But I won’t lie. George Floyd’s murder has shaken my faith. It has burst my bubble. Pulverized it. Blown it to shreds. How could a man be so callously and cruelly murdered by a police officer in broad daylight simply because of the color of his skin? How could that be real?

I’m ashamed that it’s taken me this long to say anything. I’ll admit that at first I thought I would just stay silent. I told myself I wasn’t going to publicly engage in a political issue.

But then, my highest and best self took a long, hard look at me and shook her head, shook me. You have a voice, she said. You have a platform. Get real. This isn’t a political issue.

It’s a human one.

And I believe in the greatness of humankind. I believe anyone can do anything. I believe good will always defeat evil. And I believe God loves us all.

We are all made in the image of God—all of us. Every. Single. One.

So I’m breaking my silence. But the truth is, I don’t know what to say. If I’m being raw and honest, I’ve never lived through real oppression. I don’t know what it’s like to fear that my son might be mistreated or harmed by the police. I didn’t want to know that such hatred could still exist in a world in which I’m raising my children.

Because I believe in the greatness of humankind. I believe anyone can do anything. I believe good will always defeat evil. And I believe God loves us all.

When I was a senior in college, I was invited to take an elite writing course. The topic was “Race as a Construct in America.” A construct. Meaning, race is constructed, contrived. It’s made up. There is no such thing as “race,” other than the human race. And how can anyone deny that we are all human?

It made perfect sense to me. I suppose I’ve been naive all these years, believing it also made sense to everyone else. When I started seeing signs reminding people that Black Lives Matter, I would say to myself, Of course they do. All lives matter. People matter.

I didn’t want to believe that racism still permeates this great country—our country, mine and yours. I certainly didn’t want to believe that racism was systemic. But now I know a different truth, and it’s shaken me to my core.

This hatred has to stop. God wants better for us. I want better for us.

I believe in the greatness of humankind. I believe anyone can do anything. I believe good will always defeat evil. And I believe God loves us all. So I’m not going to be quiet anymore. I’m not going to stand silently by and watch hate win over love.

Today, and every day, I will choose love. I will read. I will watch. I will donate. I will listen. And I will speak.

I will teach my children to stand up against hate. I will teach them to choose love. I don’t know that anything I do will ever be sufficient. But I will do it.

Because I believe in the greatness of humankind. I believe anyone can do anything. I believe good will always defeat evil. And I believe God loves us all.

If you’re looking for some direction on what you can do to make a difference, check out this heartfelt piece written by my dear friend Cameron at This Custom Life. It’s full of great advice and tangible resources for every day moms like me and you who are struggling with what happened to George Floyd: Nine Ways to Teach Your White Kids about Racial Injustice.

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Raising Brave Kids

Posted on May 26, 2020 by Nikki Oden

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This is a review of an amazing children’s book my friend wrote. But before I get to that, I need to give you some back story.

I do affirmations with my kids. It dawned on me one day when they were really little that some day, in the distant future, mean kids might tell my adorable, sweet, innocent little babies that they’re dumb. Or weird. Or bad at sports. You know—the stuff You-Can’t Monsters are made of. And in that moment of realization, I actually felt offended and mad. I was all, “Aw, heck no!” (Please tell me I’m not the only woman who goes mama bear over situations that haven’t actually happened yet).

Anyhoo, the whole experience got me thinking . . . how can I prepare them for the inevitable trials of youth and adolescence—for the mean girls and the merciless boy hazing? How do I prepare them for the stuff beyond all that, like the scariness of choices and trying something new and putting yourself out there?

I’m not sure any mom can fully prepare her kids for rejection and failure and, you know . . . high school. But a girl can try.

I settled on affirmations.

And so, since they were little I have told them every day,“You are smart, kind, important. You can do hard things. You don’t give up easily.” As they got bigger we added a few to the list, like “I try new things” (that one was very useful for when we were introducing new foods), but no matter what, we always end with, “You’re brave. You’re powerful.”

Now that my kids are old enough to have real conversations and real opinions, I don’t have to say the affirmations to them anymore. Instead I say, “Tell me who you are.” And they say the affirmations to me. Sometimes they say them begrudgingly, with a little eye roll, but by the time they get to the end of the list, I always get a robust and authentic, “I’m POWERFUL!”

It’s like, totally adorable. And tear-jerking. And it makes my heart burst with pride.

That’s why I love it when I meet like-minded moms who are creating stuff to build kids up from a young age. One such mom is Ruth Soukup, New York Times bestselling author, seven-figure blogger and creator of Living Well Spending Less, The Elite Blog Academy and Do It Scared. She sounds fancy, right? Well, she is! And I’ve been blessed to work with her personally and get to know her better.

Ruth has a fierce passion for helping people break out of their comfort zones so that they can be and do everything they were created for and live out their God-given potential. At her core, she’s a mama, just like me and you, and she’s recently taken what she knows about fear and goal crushing and made it consumable for kiddos in her book, How Big Is Your Brave?

The story follows a young bunny named Zippy, whose dream in life is to become an astronaut and travel to outer space. When she learns about a local space camp, however, she is overcome by fear, and hesitates to sign up because she’s afraid she won’t be good enough. But with some encouragement from her brother, she does sign up, even though she’s terrified that space camp will be difficult. (This is the part when I look at my kids and remind them, “But we can do hard things, right?” To which they nod and reply, “Yep.”)

Zippy quickly starts to relax and excel in space camp, and the day before it’s over she’s proud to show her brother the amazing rocket ship she’s been working on, which she’s going to present to the rest of her class the following day. But an unfortunate series of accidents leads to her ship being almost completely destroyed, and Zippy is heavily discouraged and ready to quit. Her dad reminds her that how she responds to adversity is a choice (I always pause here to remind my own kids that everything in life, especially how we react, is a choice), and Zippy decides to start over and work on fixing her rocket ship so it’s ready for the next day’s presentation. (This is the part when I say to my kids, “We don’t give up easily, do we?” And they say, “Nope!”)

The next day, Zippy presents her rocket ship and earns herself a blue ribbon for creativity and second place overall. She learns that courage means taking action even when you’re scared, and that most of the time, success lies on the other side of fear.

Y’all, I love this book. I love that my kids love it and that they ask my husband and I to read it to them. Most of all, I love that it affirms for them everything I’ve been telling them for years. And yeah, I’ll admit it: it’s a great reminder for me in my own life, too.

From one mom to another, I highly recommend that you check it out! Read it with your kids. Heck, read it for yourself. No doubt, we could all use a little encouragement right now, and this story is a lovely dose.

And while you’re at it, think about where fear is keeping you from stepping into your own greatness. Raising brave kids starts with being brave yourself, right? Well, if you’re being totally honest, what’s your “space camp?” Is it starting a new business? Writing a book? Losing 25 pounds? Whatever it is, trust yourself. Channel your inner Zippy. Just take one step, and the next step will reveal itself.

Truly, girlfriend, that dream wouldn’t be on your heart if you didn’t have what it takes to achieve it. Anyone can do anything.

Why not you?

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