How to Tame the Morning Whirlwind

Posted on August 16, 2020 by Nikki Oden

Wanna be friends? Click here to get Your Ideal Mom Life posts delivered straight to your inbox!

Note: this post contains affiliate links. If you click on a link and make a purchase, I may earn a commission, at absolutely no additional cost to you. Win-win!

Well. It’s that time of year again. We are heading back to school. In these unprecedented times, that means different things for all of us. Where I live (in Palm Beach County, Florida), “back to school” means mandatory distance learning from computers at home. In other areas, like where my friends live in Wisconsin and Montana, “back to school” means literally going back into the school building. Either way, it all has one universal meaning . . . the return of the weekday morning rush.

Seriously, what is it about weekday mornings that turns the best of us into total stressballs? On any given Saturday, the sun shines gloriously through kitchen windows everywhere as birds chirp happily and parents and kids alike are properly stuffed with pancakes. But on a Tuesday? Shoes mysteriously cannot be found, homework folders go missing and snacks of all kinds forget to make their way into backpacks. (Please tell me this stuff doesn’t only happen in my house). Compound all of those happenings with a kiddo who woke up with an attitude, and even the most diligent time-blocking ninja will find herself begging for mercy.

This irksome phenomenon is one of the sneakiest time-suckers known to mom-kind, and I have a name for it . . .

The Morning Whirlwind.

The thing that makes the morning whirlwind so beastly is that it happens, well, in the morning, which means one nasty spin through it can set the tone for your entire day. For me, a rough morning often translates to feeling less powerful, which means that honoring my well-intentioned time blocks takes serious motivation.

The good news is that the opposite is true—meaning that once you tame the morning whirlwind you can take back your day and your power. Double whammy! And the best news? It’s honestly not all that hard. (If I can do it—trust me, girlfriend—you can too). With a few simple tweaks, you can turn that whirlwind into a breeze.

Here’s how I play it:

Tip #1: Plan tomorrow’s outfit the night before.

If you’re going to be heading back out the door this fall, getting dressed is something you’re going to have to start thinking about again. And nothing robs you of your power faster than not knowing what to wear and wasting precious minutes trying on outfit after outfit when you could be doing something more productive, like, I don’t know, eating breakfast? That kind of furious outfit changing also often leads to a downward spiral into the land of “I have nothing to wear,” which is one stop before “Nothing looks good on me.” Both places are to be avoided! So when I say plan your outfit, I mean plan it to the last detail, including your accessories.

If you have a particularly hectic work week, consider planning your entire week’s outfits on Sunday night, before the mayhem of the week begins. This strategy is particularly effective when you first create a rotating uniform of sorts. The “uniform” should be comprised of several pieces that you know look great on you. Old faithfuls, I call them. I totally relied on my weekly uniform when I was going into the office where I lawyer twice a week. My “uniform” consisted of four dresses I feel great in. If I wanted to get creative and wear something off-uniform I certainly would. But if I had no idea what to wear, I fell back on the uniform. See how simple?

Planning what to wear the night before is also really effective for your kiddos. In my house, although we will not be heading out the door each morning this fall, my children are, by command of the principal, expected to be properly dressed in compliance with the school’s dress code. That means solid colored polo shirts and navy, black or khaki bottoms. To avoid any time-consuming, ear-splitting meltdowns, we mos’ def’ will be deciding on outfits the night before. Easy. Also, not time sucking. Score!

Tip # 2: Get a Leg Up on Breakfast Before You Go to Bed.

Even though this fall I get a reprieve from the added pressure of making sure my kids are at the bus stop by 7:31 am each morning, we are still expected to be ready for school on time. For us, distance learning will be conducted live via Zoom, which means my children are expected to be logged on and in front of their computers (yes, in dress code) by 8:00 am sharp. That also means they need to be fed before all of that happens. And since I’ll be awake with them, I might as well eat too.

I don’t know about you, but for me, scrambling in the kitchen trying to find blender parts or a clean bowl in an effort to serve breakfast whilst ensuring that the small humans in my house are brushing their teeth, getting dressed and heading downstairs on time for said meal is like, a major drag. If I haven’t figured out the breakfast puzzle ahead of time, more often than not, that story ends with hasty, open-mouthed scarfing of an unsatisfyingly small granola bar and a whole lot of grumbling (mostly from me).

But it doesn’t have to be that way. Why not instead plan breakfast time the way you would plan anything else? The night before, wash the dishes you know you’re going to need in the morning (which for me, always includes a Nutri-Ninja cup and blade) so they’re ready to go and easy to find. Fill the coffeemaker with water and make sure the filter is clean. Get the coffee beans in the grinder (or measure out the grounds and get them in the filter). I’m a protein shake kind of gal, so I’ll measure out the ingredients the night before, stick them inside the blending cup and pop the whole thing in the fridge with a lid. If your kids are old enough to help themselves, put bowls and spoons out on the counter and ensure that the milk and cereal are within reach in the fridge and pantry.

Take the Mom Life Challenge and create a mom life you love!

Whatever you decide on, just know that the few minutes it takes before bed to get this stuff in order will be well worth it in the morning. Your mornings will be, if I may be so bold, easy. And don’t you love easy?

Tip # 3: Slay the Hair and Makeup Beast.

If you are going to be seen by your co-workers, this is where the rubber meets the road. Unless you’re bald and allowed to wear ginormous sunglasses to work, the hair and makeup beast is no joke. Even if you’re only attending meetings virtually via video chat, you know as a woman that you have to put forth some effort in the looks department, lest people think you’re ill or exhausted—or, ouch!—unprofessional.

In my opinion, there is no greater time sucker in the morning than the hours painstakingly spent on hair and makeup by womankind every day. I’ve tested a few tricks on myself over the years and have learned how to get ready in half the time it used to take me, and mind you, I have wavy hair that must either be deliberately curled or straightened but cannot be left to its own devices.

Number one on my best friend list: this wet-to-straight flat iron. It will literally take your hair from wet to dry and straight in one step. I find that it works best if your hair has been air drying for about 15 to 20 minutes which, of course, is the perfect time to be putting on that outfit that you already picked out and doing your makeup.

Now. A word on makeup. As a former sales director one of the largest skincare and cosmetics companies in the world, I know a thing or two about the stuff. And by that, I mean I know the absolute minimum amount of products and time you need to look like you made an effort. All it takes is an eyebrow pen (or brow-colored eye shadow and an angled brush), mascara and a tinted lip balm. For my money, I love Sugar Rose. It’s buttery smooth, super hydrating, and adds just enough color to make you look energized. Plus a mirror isn’t needed to apply it, which means you can slather it on quickly, even as you’re walking into your destination.

Eyebrows matter the most! If you have time for nothing else, fill in your eyebrows. Extra points if you can slap on some mascara. At the very least, you’ll look like you tried. You’ll also look awake, which is generally a good thing.

If I’m Not Going Anywhere, Does Any of This Stuff Really Matter?

Oh yes, my friend. How you do one thing is how you do everything, and when it comes to having an awesome day, what you create each morning is vital.

Don’t forget. Your kiddos are watching everything you do. Show them that the greatest thing they can ever do is love themselves by demonstrating that you love yourself. That means choosing to start each day feeling powerful and proud of who you are. Living as your highest and best self means not trading away your beauty and strength, even if you are stuck at home for the time being.

And bonus! It doesn’t have to take forever or be such a frenzied mess. Go on and tame that morning whirlwind, girlfriend! You got this.

Sharing is caring. If you liked this post, click on one of the icons below and share it with a friend!

Pin12

12 Shares

Raising Brave Kids

Posted on May 26, 2020 by Nikki Oden

Wanna be friends? Click here to get Your Ideal Mom Life posts delivered straight to your inbox!

This is a review of an amazing children’s book my friend wrote. But before I get to that, I need to give you some back story.

I do affirmations with my kids. It dawned on me one day when they were really little that some day, in the distant future, mean kids might tell my adorable, sweet, innocent little babies that they’re dumb. Or weird. Or bad at sports. You know—the stuff You-Can’t Monsters are made of. And in that moment of realization, I actually felt offended and mad. I was all, “Aw, heck no!” (Please tell me I’m not the only woman who goes mama bear over situations that haven’t actually happened yet).

Anyhoo, the whole experience got me thinking . . . how can I prepare them for the inevitable trials of youth and adolescence—for the mean girls and the merciless boy hazing? How do I prepare them for the stuff beyond all that, like the scariness of choices and trying something new and putting yourself out there?

I’m not sure any mom can fully prepare her kids for rejection and failure and, you know . . . high school. But a girl can try.

I settled on affirmations.

And so, since they were little I have told them every day,“You are smart, kind, important. You can do hard things. You don’t give up easily.” As they got bigger we added a few to the list, like “I try new things” (that one was very useful for when we were introducing new foods), but no matter what, we always end with, “You’re brave. You’re powerful.”

Now that my kids are old enough to have real conversations and real opinions, I don’t have to say the affirmations to them anymore. Instead I say, “Tell me who you are.” And they say the affirmations to me. Sometimes they say them begrudgingly, with a little eye roll, but by the time they get to the end of the list, I always get a robust and authentic, “I’m POWERFUL!”

It’s like, totally adorable. And tear-jerking. And it makes my heart burst with pride.

That’s why I love it when I meet like-minded moms who are creating stuff to build kids up from a young age. One such mom is Ruth Soukup, New York Times bestselling author, seven-figure blogger and creator of Living Well Spending Less, The Elite Blog Academy and Do It Scared. She sounds fancy, right? Well, she is! And I’ve been blessed to work with her personally and get to know her better.

Ruth has a fierce passion for helping people break out of their comfort zones so that they can be and do everything they were created for and live out their God-given potential. At her core, she’s a mama, just like me and you, and she’s recently taken what she knows about fear and goal crushing and made it consumable for kiddos in her book, How Big Is Your Brave?

The story follows a young bunny named Zippy, whose dream in life is to become an astronaut and travel to outer space. When she learns about a local space camp, however, she is overcome by fear, and hesitates to sign up because she’s afraid she won’t be good enough. But with some encouragement from her brother, she does sign up, even though she’s terrified that space camp will be difficult. (This is the part when I look at my kids and remind them, “But we can do hard things, right?” To which they nod and reply, “Yep.”)

Zippy quickly starts to relax and excel in space camp, and the day before it’s over she’s proud to show her brother the amazing rocket ship she’s been working on, which she’s going to present to the rest of her class the following day. But an unfortunate series of accidents leads to her ship being almost completely destroyed, and Zippy is heavily discouraged and ready to quit. Her dad reminds her that how she responds to adversity is a choice (I always pause here to remind my own kids that everything in life, especially how we react, is a choice), and Zippy decides to start over and work on fixing her rocket ship so it’s ready for the next day’s presentation. (This is the part when I say to my kids, “We don’t give up easily, do we?” And they say, “Nope!”)

The next day, Zippy presents her rocket ship and earns herself a blue ribbon for creativity and second place overall. She learns that courage means taking action even when you’re scared, and that most of the time, success lies on the other side of fear.

Y’all, I love this book. I love that my kids love it and that they ask my husband and I to read it to them. Most of all, I love that it affirms for them everything I’ve been telling them for years. And yeah, I’ll admit it: it’s a great reminder for me in my own life, too.

From one mom to another, I highly recommend that you check it out! Read it with your kids. Heck, read it for yourself. No doubt, we could all use a little encouragement right now, and this story is a lovely dose.

And while you’re at it, think about where fear is keeping you from stepping into your own greatness. Raising brave kids starts with being brave yourself, right? Well, if you’re being totally honest, what’s your “space camp?” Is it starting a new business? Writing a book? Losing 25 pounds? Whatever it is, trust yourself. Channel your inner Zippy. Just take one step, and the next step will reveal itself.

Truly, girlfriend, that dream wouldn’t be on your heart if you didn’t have what it takes to achieve it. Anyone can do anything.

Why not you?

This post contains affiliate links. If you click on a link and make a purchase, I may receive a commission, at absolutely no additional cost to you! Thanks for your support.

0 Shares

Feel Like Crying? Me Too.

Posted on April 20, 2020 by Nikki Oden

Wanna be friends? Click here to get Your Ideal Mom Life posts delivered straight to your inbox!

When people ask me how I’m doing in quarantine, I tell them I can’t complain. And that’s the absolute truth. From the South Florida sun to food in my fridge to my healthy hubby and kids, I have so very much to be grateful for. I’d venture to say you do, too.

But that doesn’t mean every day is peachy. Heck no. Personally, I find that the weekdays are the worst. Each weekday morning, I summon every ounce of willpower I have from every part of my body and use it to make distance learning fun and interesting for my 6-year-old, who is, at any given moment, throwing himself on the floor and whining about how boring I am. Meanwhile, I’m also fielding periodic interruptions from my seven-year-old, who insists that her math assignment “doesn’t make any sense” (it always does make sense, by the way, and that’s coming from a math-illiterate lawyer), or to announce to her brother and I that she’s not going to distract him from his school work . . . thereby distracting him from his schoolwork with that very announcement.

Once the titillatingly fun part of the day is over and “school” is dismissed, I climb onto my creaky desk stool to log on to my laptop and do some lawyering. Then at 5:30 PM, I stuff my face with cheese, crackers and Chardonnay in between chopping and sautéing dinner or, if it’s my husband’s turn to cook, I do the cheese-cracker-Chardonnay stuffing in front of an HGTV “Love It or List It” marathon. Sometimes I fold laundry in the quiet sanctuary of my bedroom as a treat to myself.

I mean, couldn’t you just swoon?

So yeah, when people ask me how I’m doing in quarantine, you know what else I tell them? I cry a little every day. Every. Single. Day. And you know what else? I’m not ashamed of it.

I cry when my kids don’t listen to me. I cry when I cook something delicious and those little buggers tell me it’s gross. I cry because I have writer’s block and have lost the book-writing momentum I had before this quarantine started. I cry because my business isn’t taking off as quickly as I would like it to. I cry because people keep dying. I cry because I’m touched by people who are beautiful and generous and are doing everything they can to make the world keep turning. I cry because, in general, I feel like I’m failing at everything.

Anyone else feel me?

As moms, we tend to put such intense pressure on ourselves to always keep it “together.” But listen, girlfriend, it’s absolutely ok to cry. Being upset with yourself for crying is kind of like berating yourself for having to pee. And yes, I agree that there’s a time and a place for everything. I don’t walk around blubbering all day and night without regard for my surroundings. I don’t fall to pieces in front of my kids at every turn.

But I don’t hold it in, either. When I need to release the tears, I give myself that release. I vent freely to my best friends and my husband. I don’t care what I sound like or how totally not “together” I seem. I need to get it out.

And so do you.

You must get out your frustration, disappointment and anger. Maybe you do that by giving yourself a good cry in the bathroom. Maybe you scream into your pillow or your husband’s chest. Whatever you do, get it out. If you don’t, you’re only prolonging the inevitable. That emotion will find a way out. Trust me. And by then, it will have festered into a nasty, pus-filled abscess. Do yourself a solid and embrace the cry. It might look ugly for a hot minute but you’ll feel so much better after.

Take the Mom Life Challenge and love your mom life again!

Remember that you are doing your very best. (Of course you are! You didn’t wake up today plotting all the ways you could be mediocre! Come on). You’re in completely uncharted territory. For the first time, all at the same time, you are a mom, wife, teacher, cook, cleaning lady and general fixer-of-all-situations—and probably also an employee or business owner. You don’t have to be perfect.

So the next time you leave breakfast cooking on the stove and then forget about it until it’s smoking, and run into the kitchen screaming obscenities only to realize your kid is on a Google Meet video conference at the kitchen table with her entire class, give yourself some grace if you burst into tears afterward. You’ll be stronger for it when this is all over.

We’re gonna be ok, girlfriend.

Posted on The Mops Blog: https://blog.mops.org/feel-like-crying?-me-too/

Are you designing ideal? Click here to receive YIML blog posts straight to your inbox!

Pin22

22 Shares

Creating a Sense of Normalcy When Everything Feels Bonkers

Posted on March 29, 2020 by Nikki Oden

Wanna be friends? Click here to get Your Ideal Mom Life posts delivered straight to your inbox!

Is it just me, or does it feel like the world as we know it changes every single day because of this COVID-19 chaos? Within the span of 24 hours, activities that just yesterday had been deemed ok might be banned, or businesses that were allowed to remain open may be forced to close. And while I totally get the precautions, it sort of feels like there’s some all-powerful lifeguard with a big hat and zinc-covered nose who keeps wading into the ocean where the rest of us are trying to enjoy a little sun on our floaties to blow his whistle and scream on the bullhorn, “Nope! No, that’s too far! Bring it back to shore!”

In the meantime, moms everywhere are trying to figure out how to harmonize working from makeshift desks on kitchen or dining room tables with educating their kids, feeding their families creative renditions of tuna fish and keeping their houses from turning into total pigsties. And we’re all doing a lot more dishes and laundry than anyone has ever wanted to do in the history of the world, ever.

(It’s not just me, right? Right?)

As a wife, a mom of two kiddos who are 17 months apart and will just as easily hug and snuggle together as they will plot ways to kill each other, the owner of an online media company and a part-time lawyer, I am in desperate need for some normalcy. In the midst of all this craziness, it’s very tempting to give up. I mean, really, would it be so bad to walk around the house all day in jammies with a perpetually full glass of Chardonnay and just tell everyone else to “figure it out?” (OK, fine. Yes. It probably would be bad).

Believe me, girlfriend, I have had to dig in to find a way to keep my world on its axis, but I’d venture to say that what’s working for me will work for you, too.

Here are five tried and true tips for creating a sense of normalcy in a world of chaos:

1) Make your bed. I know you’re not even leaving the house and you’re just going to get right back into it in a few hours, but there is brain science that connects making your bed to having a great day. (Don’t ask me for supporting sources! Just believe it!) And it literally takes 45 seconds. Even if it’s not something you would “normally” do, try it! If nothing else, seeing your pillows and blankets all perfectly coiffed will put a smile on your face.

2) Create a routine. Humans crave routines. Knowing what to expect creates a sense of order and purpose, even when it feels like the rest of the world has lost their sh*t. To be productive and effective, you cannot be in weekend mode every single day. Set an alarm. Go to bed on time. Eat proper meals. Keep using your Weekly Designer (or whatever planner you’ve been using) and plan out your week. Even if you don’t have all that much to do, plan for and calendar all those things you always said you would do “when” you have time. Surely there’s a junk drawer or linen closet that could use your attention? You might (read: definitely will) have to get creative and give yourself a ton of grace, but I promise you, having a routine will keep you sane.

3) Practice self care, hard. Your new routine most definitely must include time for self care. And when I say time, I mean legit time. I give myself an hour and a half every day. Getting your mind right each day is the only way you’re gonna make it through this quarantine without going straight-up nuts.

I do my self-care routine in the morning, before anyone else in my house is awake. I get peace and quiet and wide open mental space to soak up some power and love before I start my day. That quiet time will look different for everyone, but whatever it looks like, give it to yourself. Meditate. Journal. Pray. Exercise. Be unapologetic about wanting to take care of yourself.

Living as your highest and best self means not trading away your beauty and strength just because you’re stuck in quarantine. It’s ok to still want to feel powerful. Your kiddos are watching everything you do. Show them during this tumultuous and uncertain time that the greatest thing they can do is love themselves by demonstrating that you love yourself.

4) Get dressed. Everyone (including you) will take you more seriously if you aren’t wearing pajamas all day. Now, I’m not saying buttons and zippers are mandatory (although props to you if you’re still rocking stuff that’s “hand wash/line dry”), but wear something you wouldn’t be embarrassed to be caught in while FaceTiming your mother-in-law or your boss.

Getting dressed is the lead domino that will knock down other power-inducing behavior, like brushing your teeth, washing your face and holding your head up just a bit higher. Don’t believe me? Step out of those sweatpants and try it for yourself, girlfriend.

5) Upgrade your five. Today, with fear and limitation spreading faster than the actual coronavirus, it is more important than ever to remember that you are the average of the five people you hang around the most. Be very intentional about who you listen to right now. The energy you allow into your space will make or break you.

Choose people who are contributing to the brightness and expansiveness of life. The podcasts you listen to and news shows you watch matter very much right now. It matters who you allow to vent to you on the phone. Adjust who you’re following on Facebook. Limit the news alerts you receive. And if you need to have a heart-to-heart with your spouse about supporting you in creating healthy energy in your home, do it.

Yes, COVID-19 is very serious. A lot of people are going to lose their livelihoods and their lives, I know. I also know this: attention is everything. God is good, and can work all things together for our good. Let’s surround ourselves with like-minded people and put our attention on the ideal outcome.

And anyway, nothing good will ever come from making up a horror story in your head. Might as well just skip that whole exercise and focus on what you can control: who you listen to and what you believe.

So create your new normal and ride it until this wave dies out. Because it will die out. You got this. Stay strong, girlfriend. This too, shall pass.

Pin20

20 Shares

The Working Mama’s Guide to Getting Stuff Done with Kids at Home

Posted on March 20, 2020 by Nikki Oden

Wanna be friends? Click here to get Your Ideal Mom Life posts delivered straight to your inbox!

Photo by LinkedIn Sales Navigator on Unsplash

Recently I shared my top 10 tips for entertaining your kids from home without losing your mind. If you missed this wildly popular post, be sure to check it out!

Now, entertaining your kids from home is all fine and dandy if you can participate in the entertainment. But what are you supposed to do if you have to actually work while your kids are home with you? This one is tricky, and has definitely frustrated me more than once in the last few days.

But, as many working mamas have been forced to do of late, I’ve quickly picked up a few tricks. Here are seven ways to work from home with your kiddos:

1) Wake Up Earlier.

In some ways, as we’re settling into this new normal, being at home can sort of feel like a vacation. There doesn’t seem to be any reason to go to bed “on time” because, well, you don’t have to be anywhere the next day. Even I, who normally wakes up at 4:15 am, was at first rolling out of bed whenever I happened to wake up naturally or was rudely awakened by one of my kids. But I quickly remembered that those wee hours of the morning are the quietest and most productive of my day. I meditate, pray and then get to work on anything that requires absolute focus and peace.

So, as irksome as it may seem, get back to setting an alarm. No matter which industry we’re in, most of us have some job tasks (like de-cluttering your email inbox or doing paperwork) that can be completed during non-business hours. You’ll be shocked at how much you can get done when you’re not hearing, “Mom? Mom? Mom!” every five seconds.

2) Create a Schedule.

Humans, especially kids, crave routine. Routine fosters stability and a way to manage expectations. Get dressed in the morning and make sure your kids do the same. Everyone (including you) will take you more seriously if you’re not wearing pajamas all day.

If you’re homeschooling right now, set up a schedule for your kids. Using my Weekly Designer, mine looks something like this:

Depending on your kids’ ages, they’re probably required to read on their own for 20 minutes at a time. My second grader is also required to complete math and language arts lessons online through district programs called iReady and Success Maker. I use those quick bursts of quiet to check emails and respond to anything urgent.

(Tip: If you need help designing your days, check out the YIML Time Optimizing System. Yeah, I got your back, girlfriend).

3) Tune Into an Online Yoga or Fitness Class for Kids.

If your kids are too young to read on their own, try getting their attention with an at-home phys ed class. Cosmic Kids Yoga and Move to Learn have great classes for various age groups on YouTube. The yoga classes are longer than the fitness ones, so keep that in mind when you’re selecting one. For younger kiddos, the yoga classes may be your best bet. They have themes ranging from Old McDonald to Frozen to Trolls. If you play your cards right, you should be able to get 15 to 25 minutes out of this trick.

4) Give Them Free Play, Art Edition.

This one is risky because of the high potential that paint, play doh or slime will permanently end up where it does not belong. I’ve found, however, that covering my countertop in copious amounts of plastic wrap significantly mitigates that risk. If you can give them something structured, like a figurine or a rock to paint, their concentration will likely last longer than it would if you just left them unattended to slap paint, markers or crayons onto paper. I can usually buy myself 20 to 30 uninterrupted minutes with this trick.

Warning: Do NOT leave them alone with glitter. Don’t do it. Glitter is like the herpes of the craft world. You cannot get rid of it. You will find it lurking in remote corners of your home for years to come.

5) Make the Most of Nap Time.

If your kids still nap, this time might be the only time you can squeeze in some work—maybe even a conference call. If you can couple this time with waking up earlier, you should be able to make a meaningful dent in your workload.

6) Allow Them to Watch a Movie.

Sometimes mama’s gotta rely on Disney. Thankfully, there are a ton of great options on the Disney Plus app. Choose something you and your kiddos all find acceptable and give them some popcorn. If you can, set up your work station close enough so you can intervene if they start trying to kill each other. Depending on how old your kids are and how entertaining the movie is, this option should give you at least 45 minutes.

7) Let Them Get on a Device.

It’s not ideal, but when you’ve gotta get something done, it’s your best bet. There are some great educational apps that kids actually enjoy (like PBS Kids, which is always free, and ABC Mouse, which is currently offering free home access with code SCHOOL1686). There are also some awesome educational websites your kids are sure to love, like Seussville or Fun Brain. Or you could let them watch National Geographic Kids or Brain Pop, Jr. on YouTube, or FaceTime with a cousin or a friend. Whatever you decide, just know it’s ok. On some days, in some moments, it’s just about survival. An hour on the iPad when you need to be on call or focus on getting something submitted is truly not the worst thing in the world.

And the MOST important thing for you to remember right now?

You.

Keep taking care of yourself. Exercise. Eat well. Rest. Give yourself a ton of grace. Most employers are, out of necessity, relaxing expectations and requirements. Everyone knows that schools are closed. No mom can be sitting in front of her computer for hours at a stretch while her kids are awake.

Remember that you are already amazing and you’re doing the best you can. Don’t be hard on yourself in this climate. You’re an awesome mom. You don’t have to be perfect, girlfriend.

Pin36

36 Shares

How to Start Something New (Even if It Terrifies You)

Posted on October 11, 2019 by Nikki Oden

Wanna be friends? Click here to get Your Ideal Mom Life posts delivered straight to your inbox!

Like the phoenix that bursts into flames, burns to ash and rises to begin life again, I have started over a lot. That’s sort of the whole theme of this blog (Phoenix Diaries—get it?) Going down in flames and pulling myself up to start again from ash has taught me the greatest lessons of my life. In my short 39 years, I’ve left an entire life behind on one continent and started anew on another. I’ve ended a marriage that wasn’t working and stepped into pain and uncertainty to find true love and compatibility on the other side. I’ve walked away from a lucrative legal career to be a stay-at-home mom, created a kickass home-based business as a direct seller and then moved on to become a blogger extraordinaire. I’ve let go of perfectionism to embrace raw, vulnerable beingness. (That one is an ongoing lesson, I’ll be the first to admit).

People ask me all the time how I’m able to begin again and again and continually see success.

The answer came to me one day when I was kayaking, something I only do once a year. I had stopped paddling so that Emma and I could enjoy the view for a moment. It was a beautiful day in Sanibel and, despite the light breeze, the water was totally flat, like glass. After a few minutes, Emma turned back to look at me.

“Can we try to catch up with Daddy and Ryan now, Mommy?”

“Sure,” I said, dipping my paddle into the water. The nose of our kayak had slowly drifted off course while we had been still and I now needed to turn us. But, to my surprise, it was like rowing through mud. I couldn’t believe how strenuous it was to change directions.

Eventually, though, thanks to my super duper strong shoulder muscles, we got going. Once we were gliding again, turning the kayak was a breeze. That’s when it hit me:

It’s much easier to change directions when you’re moving than it is from a dead stop.

And that, my friends, is the reason I’m able to see success each time I’ve started over. Quite simply, it’s because I’m willing to dig in and start moving. Most of us are so scared of what could happen if we start something new that we remain stationary, paddle poised over the water but never breaking the surface. The uncertainty is paralyzing.

As time passes, the thought of moving gets scarier and scarier. We worry that we won’t be able to go in the direction we want to. We fear that we won’t know what the second step should be.

But here’s the thing, girlfriend.

You don’t need to know what the second step will be to make the first one. Once you start, the next step will reveal itself.

If it turns out you take a “wrong” step along the way, just change directions. Likely, the reason you created the experience of the “wrong” step anyway is so you could reveal to yourself in no uncertain terms what you need to shift. And, like my experience in the kayak, because you’re already moving, changing directions will be a lot easier than it was to begin in the first place.

I know, I know. Time for a You-Can’t Monster check, because right now yours is making a nasty face and saying, “Easier said than done!” Well, as my friend Chris Ruden would say, “Done is better than said.” As Chris points out, and you have to agree, everything that requires action—literally everything—is easier said than done. Is it easier to say you’re going to wash your hair than it is to actually wash it? Yep. Just like it was easier to say I wanted to be in a healthy, loving relationship than it was to pack my things, move out and file for divorce.

So, as Phoenixes, let’s stop using that phrase as a crutch. Just because it’s easier to say something than it is to do it doesn’t mean it can’t be done.

And guess what? It will probably be hard at first, like my first drags of the paddle through the water that day. Starting over has been exactly like that for me—every time, it’s hard. But I keep going. And every time, the next step reveals itself.

Start optimizing your time with the YIML Weekly Designer!

Now, here’s where stuff gets real.

The reason I’m writing this post is because I need a little smack on the tush. I myself want to start something new—my podcast—and I am absolutely terrified about taking the first step. TERRIFIED.

I’m afraid I won’t know what I’m doing. I’m afraid no one will tune in. I’m afraid it won’t be good. You know, the usual.

In an effort to get myself going, I’ve socialized my goal and told the world about it on social media. I’ve interviewed other podcasters to get advice on hosting platforms, which microphone to use and how to get on iTunes. In other words, I actually know what the first few steps are in this instance! And yet I find myself sitting here, stationary, months later.

So trust me, you’re not alone if you feel like you’ve been standing at the precipice for awhile, wanting to jump into your dream yet holding yourself back in sheer terror of what will happen next. But what you and I both need to remember right now is that great things never came from comfort zones. The magic happens out there, beyond the precipice.

Jen Sincero, author of You are a Badass, once said,

“You are the only you there is and ever will be. Do not deny the world its one and only chance to bask in your brilliance.”

Words to live by, don’t you think? Truly, where would we all be if our heroes who came before us never took that first step? You and I might not even have an iPhone or an iPad on which to read this post!

Wherever you’re holding yourself back, the way I’m holding myself back from launching the podcast, just start. Drag your paddle through that water. You cannot forget that you are destined for greatness, even when it’s terrifying and hard.

Because you know what, girlfriend? You can do hard things. (And yes, I’m talking to myself, too).

Mark my words: the Phoenix Diaries podcast will be up and streaming within 60 days of this blog post because I am taking the first step today! Wanna take our first steps together? Give me a shout and let me know what you’re working on.

Are you designing ideal? Click here to receive YIML blog posts straight to your inbox!

Pin4

4 Shares

How to Have It All without Doing It All

Posted on September 20, 2019 by Nikki Oden

Wanna be friends? Click here to have Your Ideal Mom Life posts delivered directly to your inbox!

Note: this post contains affiliate links. If you click on a link and make a purchase, I may receive a commission, at no additional cost to you. And if you enjoy these tips, click on one of the icons above and share it. Thanks for your support!

Mom's Ultimate Guide to Outsourcing: 5 Ways to Take Back Your Time

One of the most valuable lessons I ever learned about success and womanhood came to me at a breakfast I attended for the Women’s Initiative when I was just a young whipper snapper toiling away for Big Law. The keynote speaker was a woman, of course, and as the global head of a department of one of the most powerful banks on the planet, her success on paper was quite impressive. Plus she was a wife and mother of two, which gave her some street cred.

After discussing the hair and makeup syndrome, which alone was a nugget worth my undivided attention, she took a question from the audience. The inquirer, who appeared to be a teacher accompanied by female students from a local high school, asked her, “How do you achieve balance?”

The speaker literally snorted, and I immediately perked up.

“Balance?” she repeated, almost choking on her laughter. “I don’t have balance! I mean, I love my husband and my kids but I don’t have time to cook them dinner every night.” She practically smirked. “Ladies, you do not get to this level in business by having balance. You have to be all in. I focus on what’s most important and pay someone else to take care of the rest.”

I was so impressed, I had almost whistled, and not because I want to be the head of some global conglomerate (yet—ha). In fact, the business acumen of this woman is the least relevant part of the story. What struck me was her unapologetic honesty in conceding what it actually takes for her to be great at what she does.

And what I learned from her that day applies to all of us who are raising humans:

There are literally hundreds of things that must be done in your life each day, but they need not all be done by you.

When you’re a mom, it’s easy to forget that truth. On a daily basis, we tend to put our own needs last, reacting first to what’s “urgent” (though not necessarily important), and getting mired down in everything that needs to be done without regard to whether we need to be the one doing it.

Let’s not forget: you, mama, were made for greatness.

How, though, do you actually step into your greatness and use the precious moments God has given you to harness your gifts without getting distracted by those pesky, urgent tasks that keep you from tending to the truly important ones?

The answer, of course, is outsourcing. Outsourcing is your friend. It’s ok to ask for help.

To do great things, you must allow someone else to do the tasks on your list that you don’t absolutely love doing or aren’t contributing to your life’s purpose.

And let’s be clear: your life’s purpose includes making romantic, alone time for you and your spouse and for playing with your kids. It also most definitely includes time for yourself, to care for the one and only body God gave you, to meditate, journal, pray, indulge in a mani/pedi, and whatever else makes you feel warm and happy—even if it’s one of the items on my Outsourcing List. Doing things we love is a form of self-care, and self-care is always time well spent. (Side note: if your plate feels so full that even making time for self-care seems overwhelming, check out these 7 awesome tips from the iNLP Center).

As a married mother of two and a woman on a mission to change the world one heart at a time, I never have an empty plate. That choice forces me to remember I need not personally perform every task on my list. I need only do what will support me in creating and living out my God-given purpose in life. And living this way helps to maintain sanity, which is generally a good thing.

These are the ways I outsource to create and live my ideal mom life (and you can too):

1. Stop Doing Your Own Grocery Shopping and Target Runs.

Unless you absolutely love performing these tasks (which would put them in the “self-care” category), you must outsource them. Although they must be done and sometimes urgently, you and I both know they aren’t contributing to your life’s purpose.

The solution? Instacart and Shipt. (Cue the angels singing!) Shipt is pure genius, and you can use it to shop at your favorite stores, like Target. You can’t buy alcohol at Target using this service, but you can buy almost everything else, from perishable goods to toothpaste and shampoo to granola bars and boxed mac ‘n cheese. If you have a Target Red Card, the pot is even sweeter. You’ll get your standard 5% off the entire purchase plus free shipping. Holla!

But here’s the best part: it keeps you out of Target. Don’t get me wrong—I flipping love Target, but every time I set foot in there I end up spending $50 more than I intended to. Every. Time. By using Shipt instead, I remove all temptation. It’s glorious.

When I need to do traditional grocery shopping, Instacart and Shipt are my besties—especially because of the pandemic, which doesn’t have me excited about going to the grocery store in person anyway. Both services are available in my area so I use them interchangeably but you may only have access to one or the other.

For a nominal fee, your personal grocery shopper will buy your groceries for you. All you need to do is sign up for Instacart or Shipt and select which groceries you want to purchase. You can even include special instructions with your grocery list for those times when you want your chicken breast cubed or your shrimp peeled. If you’re using Shipt, your shopper will call or text you if he or she has questions. Mine have even texted me photos of comparable replacement items when the product I wanted wasn’t in stock. On Instacart, if what you want isn’t available, they’ll simply refund you.

And now, be still my heart! Whole Foods delivers through the Prime Now app. I happen to love shopping at Whole Foods because they have so many fantastic options for eating organic. The closest one to my house, however, isn’t close at all. When I tell you I squealed like a piglet when I discovered that I could select my groceries through this app, I am only slightly exaggerating. (Actually, I’m not. I did squeal. Just like a piglet).

No matter which app you’re using, once you’ve got everything in your cart, just select when you want your groceries to be delivered and, like magic, they will show up at your door at that time. And if you meet the free-delivery minimum, they’ll show up sans the delivery fee (but of course, I always tip my shopper). Similar services like Walmart Curbside Pickup, which still requires you to drive to the store but allows you to skip the up-and-down aisle roaming, are also awesome, and since the world was turned upside down by COVID-19, more and more stores are offering this option.

There certainly is a premium for shopping this way, but let’s think about what you get in return: your time! Sure, I would spend less if I was clipping coupons and shopping myself—and believe me, I spent years doing that—but the money I saved was negligible compared to the return I’m getting now on using that time to crush my goals. Same goes for you and your audacious dreams. Remember, to have it all, you cannot possibly do it all. There are people out there—like your neighborhood Instacart and Shipt shoppers—who are eager to help you. Let them.

2. Immediately Cease and Desist from Cleaning Your House, Doing Your Laundry and Washing Your Dishes.

Unless, of course, you absolutely love doing that stuff (and if you do, I want to meet you). If you don’t, stop. These tasks are so easily outsourced. Plus, if your family is anything like mine, they won’t give a hoot who folded their socks and hung up their shirts. They’ll just be happy to have clean clothes at the ready. Same goes for the spotless toilet and crumb-free floor.

My dishwashing, laundry-doing ninja comes every Monday. I strategically asked her to come on that day so I can start my week off in peace. My house is cleaned every other week, which leaves me with only some touching up to do here and there between cleanings. Does everything get done perfectly? Nope. But done is better than perfect. I write those checks each week with pleasure.

It’s just as honorable to employ as it is to be employed. Hiring someone to help you around the house gives that person the opportunity to earn a living and fund their life’s purpose while freeing you up to live yours. See how that works so beautifully?

Have you taken the Mom Life Challenge yet?
Sign up and create a mom life you love!

3. Don’t You Dare Wash Your Own Car!

I never ever wash my own car because I don’t love doing it. I don’t even love driving to a car-washing place to get it done. But as a mother of two littles, you better believe that my car gets filthy. My solution? Washé, “the app that cleans your car.” It’s like Uber for mobile car detailers. It’s not available in every state yet, but if it’s in your area, you must check it out.

Here’s how it works. I open the app and select the type of wash I want. They range from $25 to $160, and they even have a “sanitize” option now to address COVID-19 concerns. Then voila! A Washér in the area will take the job and head to my location. And while my Washér is in my driveway washing, waxing and vacuuming cheddar bunnies from my car, I sit in my house being productive in the air conditioning. When my car has been restored to her shiny, litter-free self, I get a ping and pay the Washér through the app (no contact!). Best. Thing. Ever.

If you don’t have Washé in your area, ask around for a trusted mobile car detailer. I’m telling you, it’s life changing. It’s like doing two things at once, only you’re doing the thing you want to do and the car detailer is washing your car. Magic! Oh wait, no, that’s just outsourcing.

4. A Virtual Assistant Could Change Your Life.

If you have a home-based business, this one is a game changer. I recently hired my first V.A. (that’s short for “virtual assistant”) and I. Am. In. Love. My friend Julie Cabezas over at Copy Crimes recently wrote about hiring a V.A. and girlfriend, she is on to something. As she says, and I wholeheartedly agree, “If you want to make a lot of money–and make a big impact in the world–you can’t be stuck in the details.”

Julie highly recommends Maria Carras, who has dedicated her life’s work to the virtual assistant industry. For free (that’s right, I said free), Maria will help you find the perfect virtual assistant. [Side note: Julie and I are not affiliates for this program]. Obviously you still have to pay an hourly wage for the services your assistant provides, but you get to name your price.

I’m not gonna lie. I hesitated when I read Julie’s message about hiring a V.A. I thought, I’m not sure I have enough on my plate to justify the cost of hiring an assistant. But, as if she could read my mind, Julie advised in the next sentence that “[t]his is exactly the wrong type of belief to have.” If you find yourself doing penny jobs at the expense of earning dollars, your plate isn’t just full, it’s maxed out. Being open to the abundance that can come from hiring a personal assistant requires a paradigm shift, but Julie swears it’s worth it.

She inspired me to examine my plate more closely. Here’s what it looks like:

Believer
Mother of two young, adorable, rascally, infuriating, amazing, beautiful kids
Happy wife to an incredible man who loves and wants to spend time with me
Student of the self-discovery life mastery process
Blogger extraordinaire (you like that one?)
Podcaster
Author
Lawyer
Adjunct professor of law (Woot! That’s a new one. More on that in a later post)
Tennis player on a “competitive” moms league
Executive Committee Member of the Board of Directors for JDRF’s Greater Palm Beach Chapter
Executive Board Member of the PTA and member of the School Advisory Council at my kiddos’ elementary school

I’ll leave you to imagine all of the tasks that accompany those items, not the least of which are eating, bathing and sleeping. My V.A. relieves me of the tasks I’m not good at, like creating the beautiful visuals for my digital products and my Pinterest boards, which frees me up for countless other things at which I’m much more effective, like writing and creating content. I’m psyched about Maria’s service and highly recommend you check it out.

My takeaway? Heed Julie’s advice: “Promote yourself to LEADER—and stop doing everything alone.”

5. Let Someone Else Cook Dinner for You.

On the two days each week that I leave the house to lawyer, I am way too beat when we walk back through the door to cook anything, let alone a meal that resembles something wholesome and healthy. So naturally, I outsource this task instead. Allowing someone else to cook dinner for me and the three other humans I love most in the world is one of the most powerful ways I take back my time.

My solution is a local South Florida chef, known simply as Chef B, who prepares meals you select from a weekly menu he creates. He even has a kids’ menu! I peruse, click and order what we need for the week from his website and he delivers it all to my doorstep on Sunday, each meal packaged in its own container, cooked and ready to be re-heated when we’re ready to eat. It’s absolutely divine. There have been evenings when I’ve whispered out loud as I’m setting the table, “This totally saved me tonight.”

But if a private chef just isn’t in your budget, consider using tools you may already have stuffed in a cupboard somewhere, like a pressure or slow cooker. My slow cooker is an absolute lifesaver. It has Wemo technology, which means that I can set it remotely using an app on my phone. My go-to is this crockpot taco recipe. Google and Pinterest got your back, girlfriend. There is no shortage of recipes you can lean on that don’t require you to chop, dice or saute.

Hark! You can enjoy a wholesome meal with your family and you don’t have to cook it!

Oh Yes, You Can Too Afford It!

Listen, I understand that all of these outsourcing methods cost money. And no, I don’t have piles of it laying around. So trust me, I understand if your You-Can’t Monster is getting all snarky with you right now, glaring at you over her glasses and spewing some nonsense about you not being able to afford to pay someone else to do your chores and run your errands.

But let’s get real. Time invested in one area is time away from another. And yeah, maybe it means less runs through the Starbucks drive-thru, but freeing yourself up to do the dollar jobs and fund your ideal life simply makes sense. For me, that means using the time I get back by outsourcing to work on my dream (writing the book that will soon be published) or to fund my dream by performing legal work, which I bill for by the hour. For you, it might mean taking on more classes as a substitute teacher. Maybe it means you can accommodate more orders for your incredible, custom cookies and cakes. Whatever the pay off, remember that every time you choose to use your gifts instead of wasting time doing things others can do for you, you’re creating your ideal mom life.

Now, I’ll openly admit that despite my intellectual command of this topic, by no means do I have it all together. I still get mired down in tasks that are urgent but not important. I still find myself wasting precious moments doing things that don’t support my ideal life, like running to the grocery store and refolding towels. The reason I write posts like this is because I need to be reminded too.

But when I get sucked into the details, I remember this quote from Jamie Gilbert, which I’ve written on my bathroom mirror:

“Greatness isn’t for the chosen few.
Greatness is for the few who choose.”

Choose greatness, girlfriend. And start outsourcing.

Want to learn the three things that all moms who are rocking it know? Join hundreds of women who are learning how to make themselves a priority and create a mom life they love!

Sharing is caring. If you liked this post, click on one of the icons below and share it with a friend!

Pin38

38 Shares

Why Rent the Runway Unlimited Didn’t Work for Me

Posted on April 19, 2019 by Nikki Oden

I can’t tell you how excited I was to sign up for this genius plan. There is just something so glamorous and fun about popping onto your phone to select designer clothing for your next day at the office, like a modern-day Cher Horowitz scanning the clothes in her closet with a super sophisticated computer program. (Can I get a “what what” from all the other Clueless fans out there?)

Now that my kiddos are skillfully peeing in the toilet, have strong command of their gross motor skills and can carry on legit conversations, I am back in an office twice a week working, or as I like to say, “lawyering.” I must admit that it was exciting at first to care about non-gym clothing and heels again. I was reminded quickly, however, how draining the morning whirlwind can be, especially when you’ve convinced yourself you have “nothing” to wear.

If you’ve been part of this tribe for a while, you know that a phoenix doesn’t give her power away. She harnesses it. And if she needs to, she takes it back from where she’s unwittingly let it get sucked away. So when I realized that I had lost my power when it came to getting ready in the morning, I started brainstorming. It wasn’t long before I landed on a potential solution.

Outsourcing. Outsourcing is your friend, girlie.

I’ve learned over the years that, although there are literally hundreds of tasks that need to be completed in your life each day, they don’t all have to be completed by you. That’s where outsourcing comes in. Think about it. You don’t hesitate to outsource the care and education of your kids or the tidiness of your finger and toenails. I outsource dish washing and laundry. Nowadays you can even outsource your grocery and household shopping. There must be a way to outsource getting dressed, I mused.

Well lo and behold! Such a solution exists, and it’s called Rent the Runway Unlimited (RTR Unlimited). I had heard of RTR before, but had only ever used it for one-off rentals when I needed yet another “black tie optional” dress but didn’t want to buy one more such dress and watch it collect dust in my closet. RTR Unlimited is different. I discovered this secret weapon when my friend Molly started showing up to our office looking all fabulous and expertly clad one day. “I love your dress,” I had commented. She grinned, undoubtedly knowing she was about to fill me in on the next best thing since the invention of the flat iron. “It’s a rental,” she said gleefully. My antennae immediately went up.

“Tell me more,” I demanded as I settled into the chair across from her desk, silently wishing I had something to take notes with.

As any good girlfriend would, Molly immediately launched into the minute details of RTR Unlimited, including, of course, every tip and trick she had uncovered thus far. I was excited to learn that you can rent almost anything, from shorts and jeans to ballgowns and handbags. “Even rompers,” she said. I nodded appreciatively. Impressive.

Obviously, lack of notes notwithstanding, the tidbits I’d gleaned from Molly that day were enough to convince me to sign up. I’ll admit that I didn’t jump onboard immediately because of the cost. I wasn’t sure it would be worth it. But I gave it a solid run and, because a phoenix believes we all get better together, I am sharing my RTR Unlimited wisdom with you. And I read the fine print for you too because, well, I’m a nerd like that.

In RTR for one of those black-tie optional events.

How It Works. So here’s the deal. The program is $159 per month, which works out to a monthly grand total of $170.13 with tax in my South Florida county. Your first month, however, is only $99 plus tax if you have a promo code (usually NEWCLOSET or FIRSTRTR. Every now and then they’ll run a promotion that gives you $80 off your first two months with promo code OUTSMART). For that price tag, you get unlimited access to RTR’s collection of designer clothing, accessories and handbags. You can rent the items for as much or as little time as you want, all the while looking SATC fierce. And when you’re ready for something new, you ship your current rentals back to RTR with a prepaid UPS label.

Sounds like a no-brainer, right? Well, yes, but first things first: you have to figure out how much you’re spending per month on clothing and dry cleaning. If it’s less than $170.13, RTR Unlimited isn’t going to make sense for you from a dollars and, uh, cents perspective. I was convinced that I was randomly spending this much per month on clothing, but as it turns out, I wasn’t. Seriously, I was shocked. So before you dive in, get a leg up and do this analysis first.

After you’ve determined that the program makes fiscal sense for you and sign u p, you’ll set up your profile. That info includes your height, weight, bust size, body type and typical dress size. Once those formalities are over, the fun immediately begins. And is it ever glorious! It feels like a shopping spree on someone else’s dime because you aren’t paying the designer price tag. I recommend going through every category of clothing and accessories and marking your favorites, or as Molly instructed me, “doing your hearts.” Note: you may become addicted to this process.

Although doing your hearts is time consuming, it is so worth it. As you mark each favorite, you will select a personalized gallery to save it to. At first, I had galleries labeled “Work,” and “Weekends” but I quickly realized that I wasn’t able to find things as easily as I wanted to. I recommend instead that you label your galleries by article of clothing, such as “Skirts,” “Dresses,” “Tops,” etc. Organizing your hearts that way will make putting outfits together a breeze.

Rockin’ a rental to speak at a private JDRF fundraising event.

From there, the hardest part is deciding what to order first! The RTR model photos are helpful for this, of course, but the reviews are where the real dirt is. They’re written by fellow RTRers (I just made that term up, like it?), and they are invaluable. Most reviews are accompanied by photos of the reviewer in the garment, so you get to see what it looks like on a real woman. You can even sort by women who are “Like Me,” which means they’ll be approximately your height, weight and dress size. I never rent without scouring the reviews first. You shouldn’t either.

Molly shared a hack she discovered for ensuring that she has an RTR return pouch on hand at all times. It will cost you a few bucks but she swears it’s worth it. “Pay to send one item back out of your own pocket,” she advises. You’ll have to email the company to let them know that the item is coming via a different tracking number, but you’ll be able to keep the RTR pouch in which you received your initial rentals. Once the company receives the item you shipped back on your own dime, another slot will open up in your bag. You can then rent a new item, which will arrive in its own RTR pouch. You now have two pouches at your disposal and can constantly have items coming and going in perpetuity.

Renting for yet another black-tie optional event!

With RTR Unlimited, you can rent four items at a time and can rent and return as many times as you want in a month, but because you have to factor the turnaround shipping-to-and-from time into the equation, realistically the most often you will be able to rent is four times a month (give or take), depending on how long the month is and how quickly you wear your items.

I recommend filling up your bag with all four items every time you rent. Maximize your access. Plus, having all four items allows you to be fully prepared for your week, and preparedness is the foundation of power when you’re a woman, yes?

If you tire of one thing before the others you can always send that item back first, which will re-open one slot in your bag to fill again. Conversely, if you fall in love with something, you can keep it. That’s right. You can buy it from RTR at a discounted price. I love that this option exists, but encountered this pesky, inner voice reminding me that the whole reason I signed up for RTR Unlimited was to stop buying clothes. Accordingly, I never took advantage of the purchase option, despite encountering a gorgeous Furla tote that had a hold on me, but you may not find your inner voice to be as pesky as mine was.

The Pros and Cons. Like most geeky, analytical lawyer-types do, I also created a Pros and Cons list for your quick perusal:

Pros	Cons
You can affordably access designer clothing that might otherwise be totally cost-prohibitive to own.	You need access to a conveniently-located UPS drop box. Score if you work in an office because you can just leave it in the mailroom. If, however, you’d have to drive out of your way to find a drop box, the convenience factor shrinks considerably. You could schedule a UPS pickup at your home, but candidly, I can’t vouch for how user-friendly this process is because I’ve never tried it.
You will find yourself stepping out of your comfort zone and daring to wear patterns and colors you would ordinarily never wear. What’s the harm? If it’s hideous you send it back to RTR, write a heartfelt review so as to save a fellow RTRer from ever renting it, and never have to see it in your closet again.	RTR has to actually receive your return before the slots in your bag will re-open. Kind of like Netflix from back in the day. I get it, but do wish that access could be based on when the tracking number shows that the items are in transit so you can process the next rental sooner. That turnaround time can be a real drag.
You don’t even have to clean the stuff. You simply shove it back in the RTR-provided garment bag, slap the UPS label on it, drop it in a UPS box and voila! Off it goes to whence it came.	You’re committed to shelling out around $170.13 per month whether you wear four, eight, twelve or no outfits
You can cancel at any time and it’s relatively painless. They even have that cool feature that allows you to keep your place “in line” when you’re waiting on hold and hang up. When it’s your turn, they call you. A+ for efficiency there.	There are no backup sizes with RTR Unlimited the way there are with one-off RTR rentals.

There are a few other details you may be interested in, but for the most part, that’s all there is to it! Pretty straightforward, right?

Why I Pulled the Plug. After having described all of the amazingness RTR Unlimited has to offer, you may be wondering why I canceled my Unlimited plan. It boiled down to two things for me: the cost and the benefit. (Dang, don’t I just sound super banker-ish!) No, but seriously. For the cost, I wasn’t reaping enough benefit. At the office where I lawyer twice a week, it’s only on Mondays that I need to look “lawyerly,” and I use that term loosely. On Tuesdays I can wear jeans and Converse or capris and flip flops, and often do.

My RTR Unlimited experience brought me full circle on the issue. It inspired me to see my closet through new eyes. As it turns out, I have a ton of cute clothing of my own. But I probably wouldn’t have come to that realization without the boost RTR Unlimited gave me. It empowered me. I got to thinking, I can do this! I can quickly and effectively figure out what to wear! Funny, huh?

Since canceling RTR Unlimited I’ve been relying on my rotating uniform, but I’m still open to the idea of outsourcing my wardrobe needs every now and then. I continue to use RTR for one-off rentals when I have a special occasion or an intentional glam night out. I’ve also had an eyeball on RTR Update. It’s the same concept as Unlimited, but allows for a maximum of 4 items and one swap per month. You have access to less brands and no premium designers, but the price drops significantly to $89 per month (or $69 in your trial month). Programs in this price range also exist from other companies, like Le Tote. I am considering trying one of these plans and will update you if I do.

Even though RTR Unlimited cycled through my life quickly, I’m so glad I tried it. The experience gave me insight as to how a tool like this can be life-changing for busy, sharp women. It also helped me out of a power slump and back into the driver’s seat. And you know what? It was just nice to do something indulgent for myself. Like having my own back, coming to my own rescue. Sometimes a girl just needs a new tool in her Hermès belt, am I right?

So cheers to yet another way to take back your power! If you try RTR Unlimited, let me know what you think. I can’t wait to see how beautiful outsourcing looks on you. Oh, and don’t forget to raise the roof for Molly. She taught me everything (you and) I now know about renting the runway.

This post contains referral links. If you click on a link and make a purchase, I will receive referral perks, at no additional cost to you! Thank you for your support.

Pin1

1 Shares

The Morning Whirlwind

Posted on April 9, 2019 by Nikki Oden

Life as a mother, a wife and, let’s face it, an adult woman in general is full of turbulence. It’s beautiful and gross at the same time. And man, oh man, when is the chaos ever worse than in the morning, when you’re trying to get more than one human out the door looking civilized and smelling clean? (That struggle is real, girlfriend. Read more about mine here). Obviously, we don’t want to make that frenzied morning whirlwind even more chaotic.

But girl, do we ever.

Good news, though: we can nip that right in the bud today. First things first: recognize that you are a powerful being. (And yes, I’m talking to you. And me). Certainly we can figure out how to harness our power effectively enough to combat hot-mess-syndrome, yes? (You better be nodding your beautiful head!). Of course we can. As it turns out, taming the morning whirlwind and giving yourself a head start on having a good day starts with the little things.

Having fallen on my face a few—ahem—a bazillion times trying to get off the Hot Mess Express, I’ve picked up some hacks on how to do this. Here’s what I’ve learned:

Tip #1: Plan tomorrow’s outfit the night before.

Nothing robs you of your power faster than not knowing what to wear and wasting precious minutes trying on outfit after outfit when you could be doing something more productive, like, I don’t know, eating breakfast? That kind of furious outfit changing also often leads to a downward spiral into the land of “I have nothing to wear,” which is one stop before “Nothing looks good on me.” Both places are to be avoided! So when I say plan your outfit, I mean plan it to the last detail, including your accessories. I even lay out my gym clothes the night before, right down to my socks.

If you have a particularly hectic work week, consider planning your entire week’s outfits on Sunday night, before the mayhem of the week begins. This strategy is particularly effective when you first create a rotating uniform of sorts. The “uniform” should be comprised of several pieces that you know look great on you. Old faithfuls, I call them. At the office where I lawyer twice a week, Mondays and Fridays are business casual but Tuesday through Thursday we’re allowed to wear anything appropriate for being in public, including jeans and sneakers. So my Monday “uniform” consists of four dresses that I feel great in. If I want to get creative and wear something off-uniform on a Monday I certainly will. But if I have no idea what to wear I fall back on the uniform. Easy. Also, not time sucking. Score!

Alternatively, you could outsource the whole thing and have your outfits (complete with accessories) shipped right to your door. Talk about hassle free. Heck yeah!

Tip # 2: Slay the Hair and Makeup Beast.

This is where the rubber meets the road. Unless you’re bald and allowed to wear ginormous sunglasses to work, the hair and makeup syndrome is a real B-word. When I was practicing commercial litigation for Big Law and working 70 hours a week, I remember attending a women’s networking event at which the keynote speaker was the global leader of one of the largest, banks on the planet. She spoke about the honest and real struggle our gender endures to look professional every day. She coined it, “The Hair and Makeup Handicap.” She snorted at the thought of daring to show up at her office without her hair and makeup done. “People would gasp and ask if I was ill,” she said. It’s funny because it’s true.

I left that event feeling refreshed by her raw honesty. Her cleverness at having identified the insidious nature of something seemingly so innocuous inspired me. Since then, I’ve reflected on the hours painstakingly spent on hair and makeup by womankind every day. I’ve tested a few tricks on myself along the way and have learned how to get ready in half the time it used to take me, and mind you, I have wavy hair that must either be deliberately curled or straightened but cannot be left to its own devices.

Number one on my new best friend list: this wet-to-straight flat iron. It will literally take your hair from wet to dry and straight in one step. I find that it works best if your hair has been air drying for about 15 to 20 minutes which, of course, is the perfect time to be putting on that outfit that you already picked out and doing your makeup.

As a former sales director for the largest skincare and cosmetics company in the direct sales industry worldwide, I’ve learned a thing or two about makeup. Most importantly, I’ve learned that you can get ‘er done with as few as four products and in 10 minutes or less. And although I’d never advocate driving while putting on your face, I will say that my routine is so simple you could do it at a stoplight in your car. All you need is foundation, an eyebrow pen (or brow-colored eye shadow and an angled brush), mascara and a tinted lip balm. For my money, I love Sugar Rose. It’s buttery smooth, super hydrating, and adds just enough color to make you look energized. Plus a mirror isn’t needed to apply it, which means I can slather it on as I’m walking into my destination.

Does all of this stuff really matter?

Oh yes, my friend. In addition to being a form of self-care, there’s another, deeper reason that all of this “vanity” stuff is important. It’s yet one more way for you to step into your greatness. Be proud of how you were created. Could you go out looking like you just rolled out of bed, pants with zippers be damned? Sure, you could. Will you feel powerful? Probably not. And that likely means you won’t act powerful, either.

Don’t shrink away from the beautiful woman you are. Be unapologetic about wanting to take care of yourself. Living as your highest and best self means not trading away your beauty and strength just because you’re a mom or a wife now. It’s ok to feel pretty. It’s ok to feel powerful. Your kiddos are watching everything you do. Show them that the greatest thing they can ever do is love themselves by demonstrating that you love yourself.

Who knew that choosing your outfit the night before and adding four cosmetics to your routine could be the first step to creating your ideal life? Sound hokey? I dare you to try it.

Go on with your cute self. And while you’re at it, let me know how it goes.

Note: this post contains affiliate links. If you click on a link and make a purchase, I will receive a commission–at no additional cost to you. Thank you for your support!

0 Shares

How to Say “No” without Losing Your Friends

Posted on February 6, 2019 by Nikki Oden

Wanna be friends? Click HERE to get Your Ideal Mom Life blog posts delivered straight to your inbox!

Breaking up with someone is never easy. And I’m not even talking about a real breakup, where you may need to reclaim your toothbrush or vacate some drawer space and you might actually cry. I’m just talking about those awkward, “I’d-rather-be-at-the-dentist” moments when you have to turn someone down. It’s downright uncomfortable having to tell someone no, so what do we find ourselves repeatedly doing instead? Not saying anything at all. Or worse, saying yes and then feeling very, very resentful.

Now I can only speak for myself, but I’d be willing to bet good money that you would much rather someone give you their best yes (or be honest and politely decline) than pretend to be interested when they’re not or completely ignore you. Right? So why don’t we operate this way ourselves? Why can’t we be, as the saying goes, the change we want to see in the world?

One reason: women hate to say “no.”

As women, we so often want to keep the peace, don’t we? We want to please others and try to make them happy. It’s sort of a natural extension of that whole “if that mocking bird don’t sing, mama’s gonna buy you a diamond ring” thing. I believe it’s simply the way God made us. In right order, this behavior serves us well in our relationships. But when we aim to please others at our own expense, we give away our power. And that, my friends, is no bueno.

We’ve all been there, though. Surely you remember that time your neighbor roped you into participating in her cookie exchange (which you later found out required 5 dozen baked-from-scratch cookies that couldn’t be the same flavor as anyone else’s cookies and oh, can you make them gluten free?). Or that time your kid’s preschool asked if you could pretty please call every single parent who signed up to bring an item for the upcoming classroom party to remind them of exactly what they had signed up to bring and, despite the fact that these people are grownups who can read and presumably have the bandwidth to remember a bag of chips, you graciously agreed through gritted teeth. Saying yes when you want to say no is a go-to recipe for stress topped with a giant glob of pull-your-hair-out resentment. #amirite?

Being on the flip side of this equation is no better. I was recently faced with this very issue and I’m not gonna lie. I played ostrich for a couple of weeks and intentionally stuck my head in the sand, pretending that if I ignored the issue long enough it would forget about me and go away. Do you think that worked? (Spoiler alert: it didn’t).

It was a situation in which someone had submitted a proposal to me (about techie stuff for this blog, actually) and I was deciding whether to hire her. I ultimately decided to go in another direction but the thought of telling her no was killing me. It didn’t help that I liked her personally and believed she was totally capable of getting the job done. Saying yes, however, simply didn’t feel right. So, I hemmed and hawed with myself and made up a bunch of stories in my head about how I didn’t want to hurt her feelings and that she’d take the hint from my silence, et cetera, et cetera, et cetera.

That got old fast, though. I’m a phoenix. Behaving like an ostrich is like, the exact opposite of my life’s purpose. I started thinking about what I would want if I was the one waiting to hear back. And I knew what I had to do.

I picked up the phone and called her live. I didn’t hide behind a text or an email. I told her the honest truth and you know what? She was very gracious and professional about it. Oh, and bonus: neither of us died. Holla!

That evening, I got an email from her thanking me. She said every now and then she’ll prepare a proposal for a potential client and not hear back and she always wonders why. She actually appreciated that I told her no and didn’t leave her hanging.

Join thousands of other moms who are taking back their time and loving their mom life!

Will wonders never cease! You see? Be the change you want to see in the world! We want to teach our children how to live in alignment with their priorities by actually living that way ourselves. That kind of unapologetic confidence is born from being decisive.

Be decisive alongside me. Need I remind you, girlfriend: you are a phoenix—not an ostrich.

Remember that time invested in one area is time away from another. If it’s not your best yes, don’t say yes.

By saying “no,” you’re creating an opportunity for someone else to shine and give her best yes. See how beautifully that works out?

So next time you’re faced with having to say no, say it. You can still be your warm and fuzzy self. Just be powerful enough to reply, “If I say yes to this, then I’d be saying no to [time with my family] or [time I blocked to work out] or [(fill in the blank)].” And if saying it on the spot feels too scary you can always fall back on, “Let me give it some thought and I’ll get back to you.” Give yourself some time to think, pray or feel about it, come up with kind but honest words to use, and then get back to that person and just say no.

Take back your power, girlfriend. You’re way too cute to be hiding your awesome head in the sand anyway.

0 Shares