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When I became a legit adult—complete with my own home, car, checking account and fancy career—I thought all of that petty stuff I experienced as a teenage girl was behind me.  You know what I mean.  The cliques and the drama and the cat-fighting that are often the hallmarks of a woman’s adolescence.

And then .  .  . I became a mom.  

Yeah, in theory we’re all adults, but sometimes in real life it can feel like we’re still in high school.  

Very recently, a fellow “grown-up” was mean to me.  On purpose.  Hiding behind the anonymity the internet provides, she harshly criticized something I had created without providing any real feedback or basis for her opinion.  She just wanted to hate on me, I guess.  And it reminded me that those mean girls from high school are still around, and they’re still, well . . . mean.  

You know what I’m talking about, right?  Mean girl attacks happen all the time when you really think about it.  Nasty reviews, rude comments on Facebook or Instagram and mom-shaming are all modern-day ways the mean girls attack.  In my neck of the woods, two moms are even going at it with each other in federal court—over a dispute that started on the tennis court.  (I can’t make this stuff up). 

So what do you do when it happens to you?   Well, I’m glad you asked.  Here’s what my mean-girl slashings have taught me:

1. Experience Your Feelings.

Let’s be real.  It sucks when someone is mean to you.  It just plain doesn’t feel good.  But as much as we’d all like to feel sunshine and butterfly kisses every day, the reality is that experiencing our lows is just as important as experiencing our highs.  Truly, we couldn’t appreciate the good if we never experienced anything bad.  So when someone is mean to you, be honest with yourself about how it feels.  It’s ok to feel crappy about it.  Don’t try to stuff it, resist it or push it aside.  And definitely don’t distract yourself from feeling it.  (Lying to yourself is never a good thing).  Plus, as a friend and mentor once told me, pretending to be happy when you’re not is like painting over rust. The rust is still there, my friend.  

Try a healthier (and more productive) approach:  allow yourself to fully feel. Feel the anger, disappointment or hurt.  Cry it out if you need to.  Just remember that you get to decide how long you stay in that space.  My advice?  Fully experience it and then let it go.  

I’m not gonna lie.  After my recent brush with the anonymous mean girl, I definitely felt like someone had slapped me.  I wallowed for a few hours in “I’m not good enough,” and “No one likes me,” and “Why am I even trying?”  

And then . . . I let it go.  I chose to remember the absolute truth that how someone on the internet rates me doesn’t change who I am.  It definitely doesn’t dictate my future.  I’ve got a lot to offer this world, and mark my words:  I’m gonna.  

And you know what, girlfriend?  So are you. 

2. Find the Lesson.

Listen, as cliche as it sounds, there’s a lesson in every experience.  It’s our job to find it.  And not only for our own sakes, but also so we can guide our kids when this stuff happens to them.  Because you know it will. 

In my case, I learned a lot from my reaction. I realized just how important it is for me to be good at what I do—and to get validation from others that I’m good at what I do.  I was desperate to know why the mean girl rated my work so poorly so I could rationalize it or defend myself in my own mind. The fact that she didn’t give me the satisfaction was bitterly disappointing. 

But it also helped me to remember that not all criticism is created equal. Sometimes people criticize you because they’re truly trying to help you improve, or at the very least, want you to do better.  Other times, they just wanna give you the finger.

My run-in with the mean girl was a great reminder that I can’t please everyone.  Not everything I do or say is going to resonate and that’s ok.  (No, really, it is ok).  Let’s not ignore the majority of people who love and value you in favor of giving power and attention to the one who doesn’t.  

I also learned not to make up stories in my head about why other people do the things they do.  Seriously!  When people don’t respond to your text messages or call you back; when they ignore your emails; when they give you bad ratings online, unfriend or unfollow you, don’t think for one second that you actually know why.  In most cases, it ain’t got nothin’ to do with you.  And let’s not forget.  Some girls are just crabs in a bucket.  They want to pull you down and keep you from rising up because they can’t stand the thought of someone else doing well.  They just don’t believe they can shine if you do too.  

Another thing I learned is that if I’m gonna stick it out as a content creator in this online world (and I fully intend to), I have to get used to people having opinions about what I create, and that those opinions won’t always be complimentary.  Most of the time, their opinions won’t even give me much to go on.  I have to draw on my own strength and self-worth to keep going.  As one of my best friends said to me after the fact, weapons cannot be strong unless they move through intense heat and pressure.  These bumps in my journey are applying heat and pressure to make me stronger.  

Same goes for you, my friend.  Unpleasant experiences are opportunities to grow.  Plain and simple. 

Finally, this whole thing taught me that I’ve probably been the mean girl to someone else.  And chances are, so have you.  Remember how it feels to be on the receiving end next time you’re tempted to dish it out.  I know I will.  

3. Give Yourself the Win.

Just like there’s a lesson in every experience, there’s also (almost always) something good you can create from it too.  Why not divert your energy and propel yourself into action?  In my case, the mean-girl experience resulted in this post! 

Next time you endeavor to be open and honest about who you are and what you have to offer, ask yourself, how can I create something worth criticizing?  For real.  Give yourself the win.  Honestly, if you’re doing something that other people are bothering to criticize, you’re doing something right.  

If you’re putting yourself out there, whether you’re starting your own business, crushing it as a direct seller, creating content or serving others in any way, you know it’s hard. It is not easy to wear your heart on your sleeve and literally bear your soul to the public at the risk of them trampling all over it.  

But keep doing it.  

Keep showing up.  Keep giving it your all.  Keep believing that you can do anything.  Because you know what?  You can.  

Anyone can do anything, my friend.  Why not you?

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Well. It’s that time of year again. We are heading back to school. In these unprecedented times, that means different things for all of us. Where I live (in Palm Beach County, Florida), “back to school” means mandatory distance learning from computers at home. In other areas, like where my friends live in Wisconsin and Montana, “back to school” means literally going back into the school building. Either way, it all has one universal meaning . . .  the return of the weekday morning rush. 

Seriously, what is it about weekday mornings that turns the best of us into total stressballs?  On any given Saturday, the sun shines gloriously through kitchen windows everywhere as birds chirp happily and parents and kids alike are properly stuffed with pancakes.  But on a Tuesday?  Shoes mysteriously cannot be found, homework folders go missing and snacks of all kinds forget to make their way into backpacks.  (Please tell me this stuff doesn’t only happen in my house).  Compound all of those happenings with a kiddo who woke up with an attitude, and even the most diligent time-blocking ninja will find herself begging for mercy. 

This irksome phenomenon is one of the sneakiest time-suckers known to mom-kind, and I have a name for it . . .

The Morning Whirlwind.

The thing that makes the morning whirlwind so beastly is that it happens, well, in the morning, which means one nasty spin through it can set the tone for your entire day.  For me, a rough morning often translates to feeling less powerful, which means that honoring my well-intentioned time blocks takes serious motivation.  

The good news is that the opposite is true—meaning that once you tame the morning whirlwind you can take back your day and your power. Double whammy!  And the best news?  It’s honestly not all that hard. (If I can do it—trust me, girlfriend—you can too).  With a few simple tweaks, you can turn that whirlwind into a breeze.  

Here’s how I play it:

Tip #1: Plan tomorrow’s outfit the night before.

If you’re going to be heading back out the door this fall, getting dressed is something you’re going to have to start thinking about again. And nothing robs you of your power faster than not knowing what to wear and wasting precious minutes trying on outfit after outfit when you could be doing something more productive, like, I don’t know, eating breakfast?  That kind of furious outfit changing also often leads to a downward spiral into the land of “I have nothing to wear,” which is one stop before “Nothing looks good on me.”  Both places are to be avoided!  So when I say plan your outfit, I mean plan it to the last detail, including your accessories.

If you have a particularly hectic work week, consider planning your entire week’s outfits on Sunday night, before the mayhem of the week begins. This strategy is particularly effective when you first create a rotating uniform of sorts. The “uniform” should be comprised of several pieces that you know look great on you.  Old faithfuls, I call them. I totally relied on my weekly uniform when I was going into the office where I lawyer twice a week. My “uniform” consisted of four dresses I feel great in.  If I wanted to get creative and wear something off-uniform I certainly would.  But if I had no idea what to wear, I fell back on the uniform.  See how simple?

Planning what to wear the night before is also really effective for your kiddos. In my house, although we will not be heading out the door each morning this fall, my children are, by command of the principal, expected to be properly dressed in compliance with the school’s dress code. That means solid colored polo shirts and navy, black or khaki bottoms. To avoid any time-consuming, ear-splitting meltdowns, we mos’ def’ will be deciding on outfits the night before. Easy. Also, not time sucking.  Score!

Tip # 2: Get a Leg Up on Breakfast Before You Go to Bed.

Even though this fall I get a reprieve from the added pressure of making sure my kids are at the bus stop by 7:31 am each morning, we are still expected to be ready for school on time. For us, distance learning will be conducted live via Zoom, which means my children are expected to be logged on and in front of their computers (yes, in dress code) by 8:00 am sharp. That also means they need to be fed before all of that happens. And since I’ll be awake with them, I might as well eat too.

I don’t know about you, but for me, scrambling in the kitchen trying to find blender parts or a clean bowl in an effort to serve breakfast whilst ensuring that the small humans in my house are brushing their teeth, getting dressed and heading downstairs on time for said meal is like, a major drag. If I haven’t figured out the breakfast puzzle ahead of time, more often than not, that story ends with hasty, open-mouthed scarfing of an unsatisfyingly small granola bar and a whole lot of grumbling (mostly from me).

But it doesn’t have to be that way. Why not instead plan breakfast time the way you would plan anything else? The night before, wash the dishes you know you’re going to need in the morning (which for me, always includes a Nutri-Ninja cup and blade) so they’re ready to go and easy to find. Fill the coffeemaker with water and make sure the filter is clean. Get the coffee beans in the grinder (or measure out the grounds and get them in the filter). I’m a protein shake kind of gal, so I’ll measure out the ingredients the night before, stick them inside the blending cup and pop the whole thing in the fridge with a lid. If your kids are old enough to help themselves, put bowls and spoons out on the counter and ensure that the milk and cereal are within reach in the fridge and pantry.

Whatever you decide on, just know that the few minutes it takes before bed to get this stuff in order will be well worth it in the morning. Your mornings will be, if I may be so bold, easy. And don’t you love easy?

Tip # 3: Slay the Hair and Makeup Beast.

If you are going to be seen by your co-workers, this is where the rubber meets the road. Unless you’re bald and allowed to wear ginormous sunglasses to work, the hair and makeup beast is no joke. Even if you’re only attending meetings virtually via video chat, you know as a woman that you have to put forth some effort in the looks department, lest people think you’re ill or exhausted—or, ouch!—unprofessional.

In my opinion, there is no greater time sucker in the morning than the hours painstakingly spent on hair and makeup by womankind every day. I’ve tested a few tricks on myself over the years and have learned how to get ready in half the time it used to take me, and mind you, I have wavy hair that must either be deliberately curled or straightened but cannot be left to its own devices.

Number one on my best friend list: this wet-to-straight flat iron.  It will literally take your hair from wet to dry and straight in one step. I find that it works best if your hair has been air drying for about 15 to 20 minutes which, of course, is the perfect time to be putting on that outfit that you already picked out and doing your makeup.

Now. A word on makeup. As a former sales director one of the largest skincare and cosmetics companies in the world, I know a thing or two about the stuff. And by that, I mean I know the absolute minimum amount of products and time you need to look like you made an effort. All it takes is an eyebrow pen (or brow-colored eye shadow and an angled brush), mascara and a tinted lip balm. For my money, I love Sugar Rose.  It’s buttery smooth, super hydrating, and adds just enough color to make you look energized. Plus a mirror isn’t needed to apply it, which means you can slather it on quickly, even as you’re walking into your destination.

Eyebrows matter the most! If you have time for nothing else, fill in your eyebrows.  Extra points if you can slap on some mascara. At the very least, you’ll look like you tried. You’ll also look awake, which is generally a good thing.

If I’m Not Going Anywhere, Does Any of This Stuff Really Matter?

Oh yes, my friend.  How you do one thing is how you do everything, and when it comes to having an awesome day, what you create each morning is vital.

Don’t forget. Your kiddos are watching everything you do. Show them that the greatest thing they can ever do is love themselves by demonstrating that you love yourself. That means choosing to start each day feeling powerful and proud of who you are. Living as your highest and best self means not trading away your beauty and strength, even if you are stuck at home for the time being.

And bonus! It doesn’t have to take forever or be such a frenzied mess. Go on and tame that morning whirlwind, girlfriend! You got this.   

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